Darkside
by Serac
Summary: Various stories revolving around the Mahora characters and their lives. Stand alone chapters as individual stories, orchestrated by the dutiful operative, Darkside. Chapter 26 - There's fire, temptation, and death! Like the Bible, only not a best seller.
1. Mission 01, KonoSetsu Fans Rejoice!

_-----Author's note: Darkside is a place in which I will write things I normally wouldn't. It is my undercover but not so undercover operative codename! WHOA! Be they oneshots, odd pairings, crossovers, little miniseries, OC scenes, Konoka/Setsuna, parodies, Gary Stus and Mary Sues (Shut up, I do not write those already! ...Shut up!), and whatever else. I can write in any genre, and think this as a way to prove it to myself. As such, I'll pay close attention to any suggestions or challenges I get in reviews. At the start of every chapter there will be a mission briefing, stating the various objectives to meet. The first is the goal of the story, the second is the genres to be used, and the third and any following are the special conditions. That way you can see at the very start of every chapter if you want to read or not. Each chapter will most likely stand alone, unless I have a short miniseries on a topic or something like that. I'll start with a simple but popular one._

_I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Develop a humorous fluffy Konoka x Setsuna story in under two thousand words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of romance and comedy.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Unable to rely on Negi, Asuna, or the headmaster's physical or omiai support.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Use a less popular character.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

There were many places where one could get wet. The bath, in the rain, at the pool, while training. Lots of places, but not this one. There were also many places to appropriately get naked. The bath, while training, in a tournament arena, down in subterranean tunnels...Wait, those weren't right!

As Takane Goodman started to weep bitterly in the middle of the hall, Mei continued to stare at the scene before them in Negi's dorm room with huge eyes. They needed to 'discuss' with the boy a form of punishment for all of his wrong-doings towards the now exhibitionist-labeled Takane, which is what brought them to his door this late Tuesday night. Asuna was fast asleep already, and little did the two girls know at the time, but Negi was currently preoccupied with teaching Evangeline how to smile. How to smile without drawing blood or a death coming prior to or shortly after. He wouldn't be back for awhile.

The door had been left open just a crack, though the chain had been put on, so Mei's view wasn't the best. The two had stopped just shy of knocking by the sound of what sounded a lot like a moan. Not the kind of moan that was made when your clothes were forcefully stripped from your body during a passionate battle, but...Wait...Takane's muffled crying doubled in ferocity as she realized that's exactly what it sounded like, only without the public embarrassment and shame.

Mei watched in transfixed wonder as Setsuna rocked back and forth behind Konoka, who continued to let out a pleased grunt or a soft moan every now and then. Due to the door being stopped by the chain, all she could see was Setsuna's almost bare back, save for her wrapping, which was clearly soaked. She also had her skirt on, it clung tight and with each movement the now moist cloth creased and uncreased interestingly. Konoka's outline was just barely visible at times, her head and bare shoulders about all that could be seen. Their hair was wet as well.

It rather looked like the two were doing something that young girls probably shouldn't be doing. It really looked like something the two girls shouldn't be doing while being photographed. Which was the perfect time for our next guest to show up, camera lens flicking.

Kazumi Asakura snuck her sneaky gaze through the crack above Mei, snickering to herself as she clicked that sweet little gossip grabbing button that assured her a journalism career for sure! "I knew it was only a matter of time before they dropped the whole facade and dove right into the sweet, kinky, strap-on action!" She could see the headlines, now; Headmaster's Granddaughter Caught Bouncing Bodyguard! ...Hm, maybe the title could use some work.

Mei edged to the side so as not to bump into Asakura as she moved away from the door, "What's a...strap-on?" She asked innocently.

"A hot dog that girls give to each other to express their love for one another, of course!" Asakura snickered a little louder, and had to summon up all her willpower not to kick the door down and snag some really good shots fast before the two stopped.

"So they're eating, then?"

"It looks like we missed that part, honestly..."

Mei didn't catch the journalist's reply, because her attention was now focused on her still sobbing sister, "Why haven't you given me any sweet, kinky, strap-on action!?" She pouted.

"You're not old enough," Takane announced quietly, standing up.

"That was a lot of not 'no' to the possibility of strap-on interaction," Asakura actually stopped taking pictures for a second, so amused was she.

"I mean, NO!" Takane corrected herself, pointing at Mei, "You don't understand!"

"I understand that you don't love me enough to feed me a strap-on!" The girl bawled, running away.

"Mei, wait!" The blonde moved to follow her sister, but stopped to turn and persecute Asakura, "Why would you tell her that? Now I have to explain what that horrid tool is to her, and why I can't give her one!"

Asakura shrugged, still focused on the giggling girl and the stoic-as-always one, "Let me know if you want to show her what one looks like."

"WHAT!?"

"Shh!" The journalist hushed when Setsuna stopped moving to look around.

"I'm sure it's nothing, Set-chan. Please don't stop! It feels too good..." Konoka whispered so as not to wake Asuna up.

"Yeah I'll bet it feels good, you dirty girl, you!" Asakura chuckled.

"Don't change the subject!" Takane pointed at the girl.

"It's rude to point, and if you don't mind, I'm a little busy at the moment."

"Oh," Takane let out a huff, "We can barely see what's going on, you're just making assumptions and turning nothing into something, when it clearly is not!"

"Look at them! Look at the motions and listen to the groaning! Look at the sweat! Honestly, what else could this be?"

"I cannot allow you to soil the headmaster's family's name by doing such a terrible thing as publicizing these photos and writing what would no doubt be libel!"

Asakura lowered her camera, turning from the door, "Ok, if you can explain to me what's going on in there, I'll stop taking pictures and will let you wipe clean the memory card for my camera. Plus, I won't write a word about it. So talk, let's hear it!"

Takane stepped confidently forward as Asakura backed away from the door to allow her access. After watching for a little, the blonde spun and confidently stated, "It's obvious that they are wet because Konoka misfired a water spell while training with Setsuna. I believe that in her surprise she stumbled and possibly hit her back on the desk, or the stove, or some such thing. Then-"

"Then," Asakura interrupted, "They took off their shirts to hang them out to dry, and Setsuna started rubbing Konoka's back to ease the pain and tension from hurting it, because she's frail and clumsy like an old man?"

"Essentially, yes."

"PSH, I ain't buyin'!" Asakura resumed taking pictures while Takane continued to argue.

-

"Thanks for training with me, again, Set-chan, even though I'm so clumsy all the time! I swear sometimes it's like I'm a dopey old man!" Konoka smiled softly, though the guardian could not see it.

"Think nothing of it, Ojou-sama. You grow more and more every day, and I enjoy watching you progress. You are far from clumsy..." Setsuna spoke in turn.

Konoka grunted just slightly as Setsuna worked out a kink in her left shoulder with her firm knuckles, "Ha, ha, that's why I blasted us with water and hurt my back on the counter! Guess I'm frail like an old man, too..."

"You are not frail, Ojou-sama, but even if you were it would not matter, because I would never let anyone lay a hand on you," Setsuna stated bluntly, leaning backwards to better survey Konoka's exposed back before catching herself, blushing, and leaning back in. Close up, however, she could smell her hair, and so leaned back again only to find herself admiring the silky smooth skin under her hands and filling her eyes. Thus, she leaned back in, and the dreadful yet pleasant cycle continued.

"Even you?"

"Even me."

"Then I guess we can't do this, anymore, huh..."

Setsuna continued to massage Konoka's back, sliding her hands down to work around her lower back, "What do you mean?"

Konoka giggled, "You've got your hands all over me, Set-chan!"

Turning what must have been an inhumanly shade of red, Setsuna fell backwards, arms up in the air as she stammered, "I-I-I-I D-D-DIDN'T MEAN TO..."

Konoka laughed as she spun, ready to pounce on her guardian in a gleeful hug. As she performed the motions to do so, however, the towel she had been holding up to her chest fell out of her grasp. They were not exposed for long, however, as Setsuna's hands, which were still above the blushing girl, were more than empty enough to hold them.

The two remained in that position for several long seconds, simply blinking. Konoka sort of hanging above Setsuna, Setsuna sort of copping a feel below Konoka. When a streak of red found its way out of the guardian's nose, Konoka mumbled, "Oopsie."

"I KNEW IT!" Asakura's voice erupted from the hallway, the sound of a camera clicking so fast it sounded like a tree full of locusts.

"HOLY MOTHER OF LESBIANS!" A voice that sounded a lot like Takane's followed.

"I'M SORRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Setsuna wailed.

-

The next morning, Konoka and Setsuna were on their way to school, and a blushing Makie rushed up to them clutching a newspaper, "You guys, you guys! I...I found you! Um, I have a question..."

"What is it?" Konoka asked politely. Setsuna said nothing, as she was staring at her hands, which appeared to be glowing.

"Did you...Um..." She turned an even darker shade of red, "W-Were you...scared with Setsuna-san...at all?" She pulled the newspaper close to her chest, and Konoka saw that it was the Mahora paper Asakura worked for.

"Of course not, silly! When I'm with Set-chan I feel like we could do anything! And I mean anything!" The girl replied cheerfully.

"S-So..." Makie whispered now, "You just pick someone you feel safe with? A-And go from there? And it's fun?"

"Yeah, I always have fun with Set-chan!"

At this, Makie thanked her and ran off. When Konoka called after her, asking where she was going, the pink-haired girl replied, "I'm going to go find Kaede-san!"

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**Mission status - Completed; Darkside awaiting further orders...**


	2. Mission 02, Forget Me Not

_-----Author's note: I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a depressing Negima story in under 1,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of mystery and drama, optional romance.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize ground support from Miyazaki Nodoka and Ayase Yue.**

**- - -Objective 04 - No flashback scenes permitted.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Unable to make even one joke.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

It smelled like rain. That was the most pleasant thought in his mind, then. As much as he wanted to focus on that singular detail, that little fleck of normalcy in the weather, his weary mind would not have it. Hardly anything seemed normal anymore. He both loved and hated the sky above him for trying to give him that bit of normalcy; It was almost like an insult to her memory. Nothing should feel normal, without her.

"Negi-sensei..." Nodoka whispered. She reached out to touch her teacher's arm.

At the sound of footsteps coming from behind him, Negi turned to find Yue Ayase approaching, her face set in stone, though that wasn't unusual. "Yue-san, what are you doing here?" The boy asked. No sooner than had the words left his mouth did he realize what a stupid question that was, but the girl didn't seem to take offense.

Nodoka gave a forced smile and bow of welcome to her friend, which went unreturned.

"She was my friend, too, Negi-sensei," Yue replied.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it...quite like that. I just thought we'd have some time alone," The boy cast a glance down at the tombstone before him, and all of the flowers that covered it, "It's been rather crowded. It's always been rather crowded."

Now beside Negi, the diminutive girl replied, "I know. I've been wanting some time alone here, myself."

"It's not going to help anyone to be sad by yourself..." Nodoka stated from Negi's left.

Yue, on his right, finished, "I suppose we'll just have to be sad together."

The mourners fell silent, the solemnity of the graveyard enveloping them. She had died over a month ago, but they all remembered it as though it were happening, right then. Negi couldn't even close his eyes without seeing it happen again and again in his mind. He couldn't touch anyone for fear of reliving the last time he touched her. In every smile he saw her face, in every eye he saw her looking at him, in every voice he heard her laugh. He often wondered if she was haunting him, or if he was going crazy.

"It's my fault," He whispered. Part of him hoped even Yue didn't hear, the other part of him wanted to scream it so everyone could hear.

"That's not true!" Nodoka exclaimed, "What happened was not-"

"It is your fault," Yue interrupted.

"Y-Yue!" The sheepish librarian couldn't help but gasp at such terrible words.

"She's gone because you introduced her to a dangerous world. She's gone because you let her stand beside you in this dangerous world. She's gone because you let her fight your enemies in this dangerous world." Several seconds went by before Yue added, "She's gone because she loved you."

Nodoka turned red at this statement. She wanted to look away more than anything, but she was also curious to see her true love's reaction to this declaration, so kept staring.

"Thank you, Yue-san," Negi used his sleeve to brush the forming tears out of his eyes, "Thank you for agreeing with me. I'm so tired of hearing how it wasn't my fault...when I know it was."

"There's some truth to what the others have been saying, too. Negi-sensei, it's your fault that she's dead, but she made her own decisions, so it's her fault, too. It goes both ways, so try and understand how she must have felt. If you died, it would have been her fault."

"I don't want to put a pressure like that on my students...on my friends." Negi wished he had realized earlier just how big of a deal a partner really was, probationary or not. It wasn't a game at all.

"If...If you died, then that would be my fault," Yue stated, no longer looking at the grave but at the boy beside her.

Negi returned the look, "Please don't say that. I don't want to think that you might end up the same way as...as...please don't say that. I can't do this again."

"Neither can I. I'm never going to bury someone I love ever again," Yue lowered her eyes back to the grave, resolve building in her voice, "I'm going to protect you with my life so that I don't have to."

Nodoka suddenly felt very apart from the conversation. She almost wished she wasn't there at all. There were no words for this situation. Not for her, anyway.

"I think...I understand Setsuna-san better, now." Negi broke the short silence. The girls on either side of him nodded their own understanding.

The scent of rain in the air finally evolved into a light drizzle, though it took them a while to notice. Negi turned, sullen at the untimely descent of the rain but ready to leave nonetheless, "I'm never going to bury someone I love again, either," He set a hand on Yue's shoulder, giving her the strongest smile he could muster, "We'll protect each other."

She returned the smile with her own, letting Negi leave the grave without her so she could say a private goodbye. She brought a hand up to her thumping heart, whispering, "I really am a bad friend, aren't I?"

"Of course not..." The quietest librarian replied.

"Goodbye, Nodoka," Yue said as firmly, but gently, as she could. She turned and followed her teacher.

Nodoka, alone, watched as Yue and Negi strode through the gravestones together, slowly growing smaller. The rain picked up as she knelt down beside the grave, covering her face with her hands as she began to weep for her loss. The flowers shifted in the wind to uncover the name of the buried; Nodoka Miyazaki.

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 05 - Completed**

**Mission status - Completed; Darkside awaiting further orders...**


	3. Mission 03, Death To Darkside, File 1

_-----Author's note: I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a perverted Negima story in under 5,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of comedy and horror, optional romance.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize only the young tech specialist, Chisame Hasegawa. All other students are off limits.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Educate the masses in immorality.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Warn fellow operative Eternal-Longing not to read this story.**

**- - -Objective 06 - Take a page from fellow operative Ansem's book. Destroy the fourth wall.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

This was serious. This was really, really freaking serious. This was serious on steroids stronger than any MLB player could ever hope of obtaining. This was a level of seriousness that transcended mortal understanding and threatened to collapse the universe with its sheer existence. This was Chisame Hasegawa about to rely on the despicable magic she so abhorred. That's how serious this was.

The aforementioned girl held a wand in her hand. But not just any wand! This wand pulsed with energy as though it might explode at any moment, covering her in the potent contents of said wand. She gripped the wand tighter, which seemed to make the thing even more excited to release it's magic. As she-

"HEY!" Chisame shouted.

She gripped the wand tighter, which seemed to make the thing even more excited to release its magic. As she-

"Hey! I'm talking to you, cut that out!"

**Me?**

"Yeah, you, you psychopath! Why don't you quit being such a freaking pedophile and try doing something constructive for a change!? Don't think I don't get your thinly veiled sexual innuendo, you creep!" Chisame yelled, waving the pactio item around.

**...So you're talking to ME? Darkside? Right now?**

"YES!"

**How is that possible?**

"Don't talk to me about what's possible and what isn't! I saw what you did to the ermine and that...psycho doll!" Chisame threw up a little in her mouth as the mental images came flooding up in her mind.

**I did nothing. As I recall, they were the ones doing, not I.**

Swooning, Chisame said, "No, no, no! Shut up! You're seriously going to make me sick."

**I do not understand. How is it we are communicating?**

"It's easy. You're doing your terrible deeds through the internet, and my artifact lets me enter the internet. WE aren't communicating; I'm communicating with YOU."

**I suppose that explains why I have yet to describe any surroundings for you: You have none, at the moment. You are communicating with me through your artifact, and can do as such so long as I am connected, yes?**

"That's right, buddy! Once I saw...what I saw, I knew it had to be the work of some two-bit fanfiction author!" Chisame spat, still surrounded by a vast nothingness, "And sure enough, I found YOU!" Such disdain was tacked onto the final word that it practically dripped off of it.

**And how is it that you came to find me?**

Chisame grumbled a little bit, but said nothing.

**I see. You have not discovered my location, as of yet.**

"That's my problem at the moment, yeah. Just give me a little time, and I'll shut you down for good. I promise!"

**The likelihood of you locating me is laughable. You seem to have forgotten one important detail as well, Ms. Hasegawa.**

"And what's that, you nut job?"

**If you are communicating with me, and I am in turn communicating with you, then you are currently in one of my missions. Unfortunately for you, I cannot allow your interference. You won't be 'shutting down' anyone, today.**

"That's what you think!" Chisame's wand glowed for a second and a transparent keyboard appeared before her. After a few taps from her speedy fingers, the vast darkness that once surrounded her vanished, replaced with a glaring white, and a few choice colored letters. Blue, red, yellow, green...

**Google?**

"You bet! The first step to tracking your sorry ass down starts here!"

**Such a talented hacker to be using Google.**

"Quiet!" Chisame squinted in the face of the bright white that surrounded her, punching in a search on her levitating keyboard. Darkside read the words aloud as they flitted onto the search engine.

**Ermine having sex with doll. Quaint.**

"Quaint enough, you sicko!" She hit enter, and the words ripped off of the search and rapidly expanded, taking on color and forming a gigantic list of matches, which Chisame scanned as she ran around them.

**Chimes. Hot Naked Pics. Free Anime Lesbian Sex. Oh yes, you are certainly on the right track. I vote you journey to the third one.**

Shrugging confidently, Chisame tried again, "It just needs a little tweaking, is all. Thanks for giving me your name, by the way," The girl laughed, punching in her new search; Darkside negi fanfiction. Darkside grimaced, he had made a novice mistake in giving his name away. It was a shock for one of the tools in a mission to speak back, however. That was no excuse.

"WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW?" Chisame squealed in delight, "Looks like I've found a hit that doesn't have a hundred viruses!"

Sure enough, Chisame had managed to locate a link that led her straight to Darkside's latest two missions, - Darkside, a Mahou Sensei Negima fanfic. ...Various stories revolving around the Mahora characters and their lives, blah, blah, blah. Looks like I've hit the jackpot."

**Wait, do not be so brash! Perhaps there is a way we can sort this out without having to resort to anything unpleasant.**

"Oh-ho! Guess I've got your attention, now, huh? Sorry, but there's no way you can ever repair the emotional damage you've done to me by having me see that big white rat making doodles with a doll. A freaking doll." Chisame convulsed as she held back the waves of nausea, "But...I see that you haven't uploaded that story, yet. Why not?"

**It is incomplete. Actually, it was to be a part of this mission before you happened to complicate things.**

"I see! The other two stories have already happened, right? So they're basically fanfiction past?"

**Correct. I can remove them, but for the sake of my employer I will not.**

"Then the one you're working on is like the present, in fanfiction terms, which is why I 'saw' it happening. That means you could still change it, right?" Chisame was on the verge of storming but patience seemed to be the key, here.

**No. For the sake of the mission, I cannot help you. Indeed, I must rally against you and succeed in spite of you. Do not take offense. It's just my job.**

And the patience was gone. "And you don't take offense, either, when I destroy you!"

Chisame selected the hotlink, ready to delve into Darkside's headquarters. Once there, it would be a terribly simple matter to find him and commence with the destroying.

**Sorry, **Darkside interrupted, **But the mission is far from complete.**

Chisame's link redirected to a new destination upon Darkside's intervention. The powers of fanfiction were on his side, which did not bode well for our young bespectacled friend.

-

Chisame slammed onto what felt a lot like concrete. After several seconds of squinting and feeling the stone, she realized that sidewalks weren't made of concrete, they were made of cement! Her perspective of life forever changed, she sat up and looked around in confusion. Her surroundings were bright and cheery, sunshiny and happy, glowing and pleasant, and some other various words for 'nice'. The scent of oil suddenly filled her nostrils, causing her to frown. The clanging of bells and the sound of a train starting up and blaring its horn told her that she might be at a train station.

Her eyes now adjusted to the light that was the outside world, Chisame saw a train with the word 'Couples' written on the side in gigantic pink font rolling away down the nearby tracks. A café off to her right was bustling with people, so she decided to see if anyone could tell her what was going on. Or, more accurately, what the HELL was going on!?

After making a big scene by practically kicking the door off of its hinges, the girl suddenly felt very awkward. Having a good thirty people turning to stare at you simultaneously does that, you know.

"Uh, can I help you, ma'am?" One of the waitresses ventured to ask.

"That depends," Chisame mumbled, looking around the various faces she, unfortunately, recognized, "Are you a therapist?"

"Decidedly not."

"Then no, I'm ok."

Much of the room laughed, and practically no one seemed to pay her any attention after this little introduction. Save for one woman, who raised a hand to wave her over, calling, "Chisame, over here! Come here!"

Not one to avoid social situations at all, Chisame did as she was told. Maybe this woman could fill her in a tad. Just a tad. As she approached her, the undeniable cuteness of the girl started to make her feel ill. Or maybe that was just the recurring images of Chamo in playtime, she wasn't sure.

"Sit down, sit down!" The cute brunette bid her, "There's a lot we need to talk about, and no doubt you have a couple questions..."

_Four hours later..._

"...And that's when I realized he hadn't been talking about tacos the entire time. I felt so silly," The girl stated, chuckling a little to herself.

Chisame, who could hardly stand a few minutes of the social grind known as talking to another person, was nigh dead with fatigue for having done it a whopping four hours straight. And while she had done basically no talking the entire time, it still counted.

"But on to the important stuff! I know you're probably wondering why you're here. Oh dear, I probably should have started with that. Or, I suppose, this..." The brunette dipped her hand into her bag, fishing out a folded sheet of paper which she then promptly handed to Chisame.

_**Dear Ms. Hasegawa,**_

_**Do excuse the manner in which I handled you earlier. It would likely have been more favorable for me to have executed you with honor, rather than simply relocating you. Due to the crippling flames that would have ensued, however, I spared your life. Not only that, but no doubt you'll notice I've stripped you of your artifact. To add insult to injury, I have broken it down into three separate pieces and hidden them, as I seem unable to outright destroy it. Without your wand, you cannot interfere with my mission. I'd go so far as to say you are powerless, and I wash my hands of you with this letter. The ermine and the doll will make sweet love into the late hours of forever. Do enjoy your time in the Train Station; You'll not ever be leaving it.**_

_**Sincerely, Darkside**_

"That diabolical bastard!" Chisame muffled a scream into her sleeve, much to her company's amusement.

"So I take it everything is not well?"

"Of course it isn't!" The internet-trapped girl cried, "Without my artifact I'm stuck here! Damn that crazy and his powers of fanfiction! It's like cheating!"

"Oh? Well why don't you become a fanfiction author and copy his powers?"

"What, are you kidding me? Fanfiction is horrible! It's all slashy and filled with crappy cliches and awful characters. Like I'd degrade myself that badly! How desperate do you think I am?" Chisame turned green at such a revolting thought as writing fanfiction.

"Hey!" The girl squealed, "I'm a fanfiction author, too, you know!"

Bingo. Suddenly, Chisame had a means to combat Darkside and regain her artifact! "Great! You can use your powers of fanfiction to help me!"

"Don't you think that you're a little big for your britches there? You insult me and then ask me for my help? How and why would I do that?" The girl, clearly chagrined, asked.

"Because we need to put an end to Darkside's missions! If they're going to have things like pseudo-bestiality in them, then they can't be good for anyone! Do it for the children!" Chisame urged.

"I do like the children," The girl wondered, placing her chin in her hand, "But I can't help you all by myself. We'll need help."

With a groan that said she was a step ahead of her, Chisame said, "OCs and other fanfiction authors?"

"...What, don't look at me like that!"

"Ok, but which ones do we ask? I mean, I know a lot of the people in here, but you'd probably be better for picking them..." The hacker stated.

"A lot of my friends here in the Train Station have at least one OC, some have more. Some of the OCs are kind of weird, though. They might say no to a girl in need, even!" The brunette shook her head at such anti-chivalry, "We need to get their creators on board, who can then write them into your quest with their own powers of fanfiction! We will create our own party to get your artifact back together, and beat the last boss, Darkside!"

Chisame watched in glee as her friend pumped a fist into the air, completely psyched to help her out and put a stop to the horrors of awful fanfiction, as crafted by Darkside. Maybe if she played her cards right, they could destroy several other authors, along the way. It seemed, now, that finding the authors with OCs and landing their support was the most important thing. Form a party, and quest for the missing artifact shards! Wow, that sounded a lot like a terrible fanfiction plot, she had to admit.

"Oh, by the way," Chisame started, "What's your name?"

The brunette flashed a smile and replied, "Tsutomu Teruko, at your service!"

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Ongoing**

**- - -Objective 02 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 05 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 06 - Completed**

**Mission status - Ongoing**


	4. Mission 04, A True Enemy

_-----Author's note: This is not the next installment of Death To Darkside. That will come at a later date. I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Develop a melancholy Negima story in under 1,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of drama and mystery.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize the perspective of one Ayase Yue, but she may not speak.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Unable to use flashbacks.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

Whatever it was that had snapped her out of her dim revery, Yue Ayase did not appreciate it. Her chin raised from her chest, forlornly eyes scanning the area around her for the source. Clean, metallic surroundings, large windows, Nodoka a bit to her right. Each librarian sat in their own leather armchair, each librarian seemed aware of the noise but not what had caused it, each librarian as deathly quiet as the other.

Slowly, Nodoka looked over the side of her chair to find that whilst dozing off, she had knocked the book she had been reading off of the arm. Thus, the culprit of the interrupting bang had been caught. Yue watched quietly as Nodoka started to get up to grab the book, seem to decide it unimportant, then sigh and leave it be on the floor. Yue couldn't blame her. There was once a time they would have been upset at such a thought as leaving a book on the floor, but not anymore. After everything they had seen and been through, something like a book on the floor was utterly insignificant. Losing nearly all of your friends brings things into perspective.

As her chin once again found its way down to her chest, Yue let her eyelids ease shut so she could try and get back to remembering everything she had once had, but lost. Negi's life, and hence Nodoka's life and her own life, was always a dangerous one. He had enemies and that meant that they had enemies. She couldn't even remember just how many times she had warned herself that any one of her friends or even herself could die at any given time. She wasn't sure how many battle scenes and strategies she had mapped out in her head to prevent such a thing from happening. It was for nothing, though, as some enemies are too overpowering for any strategy. Some enemies you don't realize are enemies until they take something away from you. Until they betray you.

The battle that Negi and his partners and friends fought was a long one. One by one, their enemy picked them off. It happened in such a manner that they watched it happen; saw the death creep upon each friend and leave them cold and empty. As the fight went on, it became clearer and clearer to Yue that they were all going to die. This foe was going to kill everyone she cared for and make her watch, then it would kill her.

It didn't matter how strong they were. Asuna, Setsuna, Kaede, Ku Fei, Mana, all of them. Strength didn't matter. It paled in comparison, growing weak and fragile. She often wondered why it was that the strongest of them had died, and yet Nodoka and herself had not. The fragile lived, the mighty died. It was so backwards...Negi should still be here. With her.

The demonic father that took Negi from Yue did not know that he had taken her life, that day, as well. That it let her live was almost insulting. Still, it was nice to be able to think of him. To think of the times they had with one another and with their friends. That's why she patiently waited everyday for the demon to come for her, sitting in this chair with her chin down to her chest. Reminiscing of the boy she loved was enough until the Fates saw fit to reunite them in death.

The sound of approaching footsteps clanking down a nearby hallway aroused Yue's interest enough that her eyes fluttered open. It gradually grew louder, and soon Chao Lingshen was walking right up to the two somber librarians.

"You dropped your book again, huh?" The Chinese Martian asked pleasantly. She knelt down to retrieve said object.

"Yes," Nodoka whispered, "I'm sorry."

"No, no, don't worry about it, it's no trouble!" The girl set the book back down on the arm of Nodoka's chair, then turned to Yue, who quickly glanced away out the window.

"The mountains really look pretty in this light, don't they?" Chao ventured to ask, beaming warmly at the rust colored hills off in the distance, "The view here is lovely."

"It is," Nodoka agreed.

"Anyway," Chao handed each girl a little cup, "Just bringing you these. Eat 'em up, ok? With all of the medicine we've got nowadays, you guys have still got a good hundred years left in you! Let me know if you need anything, I'll be bringing meat buns, later..." And with these words, Chao spun around and marched back from whence she came.

Nodoka glanced at Yue, and Yue back at Nodoka. Each looked at the little cup of pills they had been given, then each slowly rose from their seat. Simultaneously, they raised the cushions of their respective chairs, dumping the pills with the other pills and concealing them beneath the cushion.

"Another hundred years...sounds like too many, for me," Nodoka stated, picking up her book.

Yue nodded, then lowered her chin back to her chest. The previous hundred years had been too many for both of them. She wished Father Time would hurry up and try his hand at her.

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**Mission status - Complete; Darkside awaiting further orders...**


	5. Mission 05, A Desired Interruption

_-----Author's note: This is not the next installment of Death to Darkside. That will come at a later date. Also, I have now lost a pending scene and subplot from Life In A Bottle. I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Develop an Asuna/Takamichi story in under 2,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of drama and romance.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize the perspective of one Takahata Takamichi.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Unable to utilize direct contact with Negi Springfield or any of Asuna Kagurazaka's classmates.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"Crazy. Improper. Shameful. Deplorable. Impossible."

Quite the lovely list of words, there.

"Did I forget anything?"

Takamichi grinned, "Sounds about right to me."

The teacher's company nodded a little, looking deep into his eyes, "I think I did miss something. Tortuous."

"I wouldn't go quite that far."

"Oh? Then why was the need to talk about it so strong that you sought me out? Again?"

The seconds rolled by like marbles down a steep hill. The quiet grew louder as each second passed them by. When the man in the white suit had heard enough of nothing, he replied, "Tortuous, indeed."

"Tell me what happened."

It was at this time that Takamichi realized two things. The first was that nicotine gum did NOT work, and the second was that he would never waste money on the stuff ever again. Pardon, he realized three things. The third was that putting into words what he had felt and what had happened was incredibly difficult. Even so, he settled in and recounted the event as best he was able.

-

Art class. Takamichi's charge. There was something about the finesse and gracefulness of a brush gliding across canvas that he enjoyed. That seemingly nothing could become something wonderful. The potential beauty was limited only by one's own creativity, and part of his job was fostering that creativity in his students. Their was a satisfaction in it that teaching English had never given; a certain calm it granted not only to himself, but to every other person involved in the class. He always assumed that was why people tended to linger afterwards, and why some people would even come in to join the class once in awhile. Welcome interruptions. The entire thing set his mind to ease. Nothing made him happier than art in its simplistic quiet, the tranquility it bestowed.

Nothing, of course, besides a certain pigtailed student of his.

She visited his class as often as she could; far more than any other visitor. Her attendance was even better than one of the lazier boys that was actually IN the class, he was amused to admit. The girl would often stay after the class, continuing to paint absent-mindedly. Almost as if she hadn't a care in the world. He admired that in her, the ability to let herself become absorbed into her work.

It was an otherwise uneventful Thursday afternoon. Asuna had come to sit and listen attentively to his every word, an act he couldn't help but feel grateful for. Once the time for talking had ended, the class took up arms and the skirmish of creativity began. Paint met canvas, time went by, people began to leave. Had the bell rung? He must have missed it. As usual, there was one or two stragglers that hung about for another five or ten minutes with questions, unfinished work, or good old fashioned loitering. They, too, soon exited the classroom.

So it came that Asuna remained alone in the room with her favorite teacher, though she seemed not to notice so involved was she. Every now and then she would glance up at him, then return to her picture, though she appeared blissfully unaware of the fact that he was the only one in the room. Then again, as far as she was concerned whenever they were in the same room together hardly anyone else mattered.

Takamichi waited in silence for her to rise and announce her departure, wondering just how long she planned on working. Again, she looked up at him, her face somewhat troubled, which Death Specs was quick to note . Once she had returned her gaze to the easel, Takamichi rose from his seat behind the desk up front and started across the room. It was at this point that Asuna decided to become aware of her being the only student in the room. She also decided that was a bad thing, particularly because she decided to become aware of Takamichi's approaching her. The last thing she became aware of was her picture, which was definitely something she didn't want her beloved teacher to become aware of. She made a mental note to take better notice of the bell signaling the end of class. She hoped he didn't find the way she tried to leave, just then, suspicious.

While he didn't find it suspicious, he certainly noticed it.

Asuna scrambled to throw the sheet back over her work, which she had taken special care to lay right beside her in just such a case. In her haste and aforementioned scrambling, however, she managed to get snagged up in the sheet and practically flailed off of her chair. Ever the quick one, Takamichi swept over to her side, catching her in arm and holding her in a sort of dip. An onlooker might have said they were dipping in a dance. Albeit a dance where the girl must wear a sheet covered in old paint stains.

The red that gradually built up in Asuna's face was the prettiest shade he could ever recall. It put the rising sun to shame. Her wide, pretty eyes sparkled a magnificent azure, and he soaked up every inch of them like a thirsty sponge. Gentle as he could, Takamichi pulled Asuna up straight and gave her a light pat on the head, "Don't worry me like that, Asuna-kun. You should slow down, sometimes. It suits you."

Still as red as a passionate flame, the student looked up into the teacher's steely eyes and completely forgot what she had been trying to do a moment ago, "Th-Thank you...Takahata-sensei..."

It was at this point in time that Takamichi, as she had feared, became aware of Asuna's painting, and Asuna was quick to note his noticing, "I-I-It's not what it looks l-like, I swear!"

"It looks like us."

"Ok, so maybe it IS sort of what it looks like...But not like that!"

With a little grin, Takamichi set his hands on Asuna's waist, stepping around her and setting her back down in the chair. He noticed how she was at first rigid to his touch, then seemed to melt in his hands. He released her waist, now behind her, and took in the picture. After a few seconds of surveying the sketched portrait over her shoulder, the man claimed, "Ah, now I see what that troubled look was for," He could hear Asuna's breathing hasten a tad, "You're having trouble with the eyes..."

The girl nodded a yes. It was rather obvious that though she had managed to do well with everything else, the eyes had been rubbed out a few different times in frustrated failure. The area where the eyes should rest was a darker shade than the rest of the paper; like an unseemly blemish on an otherwise beautiful girl.

"Try it again," Takamichi said.

Asuna shivered a little as he set his hand upon her right shoulder. While praying he hadn't noticed it, she replied, "I-I can't get it...no matter how many times I try, it never comes out the way I want it to..."

"What seems to be the problem?" The response given was so hushed he had to ask her to repeat it.

"I don't think...I don't think that I'll ever be able to get everything I see in your eyes down on paper..."

"Try it again," Takamichi repeated, "I'll help you."

Asuna reached for the brush, her hand a bit unsteady. Takamichi, noticing this, slid his hand down from her shoulder, across her bare arm and took her by the wrist. The girl, who now had the pencil between her fingers, hoped her teacher didn't notice the goose bumps that followed his fingertips across her skin.

To help steady himself, Takamichi set his left hand on Asuna's side, just above her waist. His head now lowered to just above his student's shoulder, he gave just enough strength to his hand to help her raise the pencil, directing it towards his incomplete face. Asuna followed his movements willingly, his low breathing beside her ear making both ears rather red.

"H-How can I p...possibly get your eyes right, T-Takahata-sensei, if I can't even see them?" She whispered.

As the pencil's tip gently brushed a line across the paper, Takamichi replied, "Art is a beautiful thing in that it's all based on what you feel, on what's inside you. True art comes from what you can see, not what you do see."

The lead continued to blaze new paths across the portrait as the student asked, "Then...how can you help me do this right, if it has to come from me?"

"Another beautiful thing about art is that there is no right or wrong. Create what you feel and show it to the world, or keep it to yourself. Either way is fine, you do as you please. You express yourself. So long as you are happy in the end, that's all that matters." He paused before adding, "And I believe I have a general idea of what you see."

Asuna's hand tightened up, and he noticed her once shallow and hasty breathing had come to a stop altogether. His fingertips still wrapped gently around her wrist, he felt her pulse quicken and her body grow warmer to his touch, "Y-You...do?"

"I do," The man in the pearly white suit whispered so faintly that even though he was right beside her ear, Asuna barely heard him.

The once thin and somewhat transparent lines became opaque as Asuna's anxiety coerced her into tensing up, pressing against the portrait harder. The man eased his motions, allowing Asuna to keep them moving a little more independently.

He was a little relieved to hear her draw breath soon after to ask, "What do...Wh-What do you think?"

After a brief pause to collect his opinions, Takamichi replied, "I think you're doing a fine job."

Another pause, followed by the hesitant statement from Asuna, "That's...not what I meant..."

The pencil curved sharply to create the nook of his eye, "I know."

The room fell more silent than he could ever recall it being. The sound of Asuna's ragged breathing suggested she might cry, and that was tugging at his heartstrings on every level. The pencil scraping the paper sounded more like a two-by-four being dragged down the sidewalk. The birds outside continued to chirp happily, sunshine continued to spill through the windows, but it felt like it was raining and all the bird's songs in the world were gone, in that moment.

The seconds turned into minutes, and the minutes into progress. By the time they were finished with his eyes, Asuna had been doing it all herself and he had more or less been holding her hand. She turned a little to see his face through the corner of her eye, "That's right...It looks right."

"Are you happy with it, now?" Takamichi asked. Their noses were practically touching.

Asuna returned her gaze to the depiction of her teacher, whispering, "I see you in them. It makes me very happy. Very happy, and very sad."

At these words, Takamichi released her wrist and stepped around her, making for the door, "Then you've truly done a wonderful job."

"W-Wait, aren't you going to help me with my eyes?"

The teacher stopped in the doorway, a hand on the knob. He turned to find Asuna sitting there, staring at him with watery eyes. He felt that she, herself, had said it best, so echoed her, "I don't think that I'll ever be able to get everything I see in your eyes down on paper." Stepping into the hallway, he pushed the door closed.

-

Takamichi, still chewing his king-of-fail nicotine gum, finished his tale of yesterday. Lying on the couch, he waited in silence for a response from his company. He was soon granted one.

"You wouldn't be here if you didn't love her."

"Unfortunately."

"You wouldn't be here if you didn't know it was a problem."

"Unfortunately."

"Mr. Takahata, you must realize that she is your student. You have a duty to educate her and watch over her. You simply cannot entertain these thoughts of her, even if they are reciprocated," The man stood up, "And I'm afraid we're out of time. We'll continue this next Friday. Same time?"

Takamichi stood up. He nodded sullenly, extending his hand to the good doctor, which was shaken, "Thank you again for your time, Mr. Nosuke. I'll see you on Friday."

As Death Specs left the office, he tipped his head curtly to the secretary, who responded with the usual smile and 'have a nice day' he had grown acquainted to. He waited for the door to the office to click shut behind him before sticking his hands in his pockets and trotting down the stairs. On the way down the street to his car, he came across a couple of teenagers smoking. Plucking one of the cigarettes out of one of the boy's mouths, he stuck it in his own before stating, "Smoking is bad for you."

"Then why are you doing it, old man?" The second teen asked. The first was so surprised he just watched the man keep walking.

Takamichi lifted the cigarette from his lips to spit out the gum, "Because there are worse things."

-

The following Monday, Asuna found herself en route to Takamichi's art class. She couldn't help herself. It was as if her body had a will of its own, and was leading her there by itself. Which was ok. She always had a chance at what she wanted so long as she never gave up, never lost that spark of hope that told her 'maybe'.

Then she saw it. It punched her in the stomach so hard that it knocked the wind out of her. Her throat suddenly felt like a chunk of ice had been lodged in there for the last hour. A sign hung on the door, reading _'Scheduled students only. No interruptions.'_

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**Mission status - Failed...**


	6. Mission 03, Death To Darkside, File 2

_-----Author's note: This chapter does not depict actual people or events. All situations are fictional, and do not represent any beliefs held by any people depicted. Of course, since the people are fake, they can't really have real beliefs for you to get mad about. Oh, but the people depicted are real. The authors, anyway. Which means I am basically lying to you. And if you're a fangirl, this chapter is probably not for you, as I depict you in a less than satisfactory light. Good thing the views held in here are not the real views held by any real people. Unless I'm lying. I did say I was lying. Just hope I'm telling the truth, and that I'm lying. Yeah._

_There are lots of OCs and authors in here, so you may or may not enjoy this depending on whether or not you know them. Forewarned._

_I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a perverted Negima story in under 5,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of comedy and horror, optional romance.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize only the young tech specialist, Chisame Hasegawa. All other students are off limits.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Educate the masses in immorality.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Warn fellow operative Eternal-Longing not to read this story.**

**- - -Objective 06 - Take a page from fellow operative Ansem's book. Destroy the fourth wall.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"How did we end up here?"

"That's a good question, but I think you already know the answer."

"You slipped a roofy in my drink, didn't you?"

Chisame Hasegawa, along with her newest ally, Tsutomu Teruko, was currently sitting behind a lone desk in a large, dark room. A lamp sat on the right end of the desk, Chisame's end, and it was the only source of light within sight. They had been there for a whopping four seconds before Chisame began to question things.

"I did not slip you a drug," Tsutomu chuckled, "If I had you'd be naked, tied up, and stuffed somewhere rather tiny."

"Great. So you're one of those psycho writers, aren't you?"

"Of course not, silly! You're still dressed, right?"

"Still doesn't explain the tied up part."

"For the sake of the mission, I figured it would be better if you couldn't move around too much. We're about to perform a critical part of our mission, and you need to be still and focused. It was necessary."

Chisame nodded slowly, trying to raise her hand up to her chin and failing miserably, "Ok, fine. But…..Why would you take my clothes off if you HAD given me a roofy?"

Tsutomu, also nodding slowly, replied, "Because I want a Mahora school uniform."

"Well why don't you just use your freaking powers of fanfiction, for heaven's sake? Are you an idiot?" Chisame began to wobble back and forth in her chair as though it leant some sort of dramatic feeling to her words.

"No, I am not, thank you very much," The author replied, "Theru is just cautious! One must be very careful not to simply do things all willy nilly and carefree, you see. The readers can be very stern at times, and if I were to just go about magically giving myself whatever clothes I wanted, what would stop me from giving myself awesome powers or tons of money, or something? NOTHING. Before I know it, I'll be inundated by oceans of flames for making myself a Mary Sue. A fate worse than your death….."

"Uh," Chisame raised an eyebrow, "Don't you mean 'a fate worse than death'?"

"Oh, goodness, no!" Tsutomu laughed, "I'm in no danger at all! You, however, could die at any given moment because you're not a fanfiction author, just a character."

"Awesome. So, why are we here, again? I thought this was the bathroom."

Tsutomu snapped her fingers and a light shone down from the heavens above to illuminate a wide circle in front of them, "This is where we decide who will be joining our merry band of rogues to destroy Darkside and his bestiality! For the children!"

"Oh, like a tryout, you mean?"

"Bingo! I've already had a pal of mine line up some interested adventurers, so we're good to go!" Tsutomu cheered, pumping a fist into the air.

"And who would that be?"

"Yo," A deep voice called out from somewhere off in the darkness. It felt like it came from the right, but Chisame couldn't be sure.

"Who's there?" The computer girl asked, looking around.

"Don't worry, it's just Ansem. He's the friend. He's also a man of few words, hence the tiny hello," Tsutomu waved a little in a random direction, "Thanks again, Ansem!" Then, so fast it barely even happened, the chocolate-haired girl grabbed a lever that Chisame had either overlooked this entire time or just came out of nowhere, and gave it a jerk. The sound of a trapdoor falling through and a long scream pierced the darkness. The sound that followed was even worse, rabid and hungry. Ferocious and terrifying. Tsutomu kept a big smile on her face the whole time, though, even at the sounds of Ansem being ripped apart by some unknown terror.

"OH MY GOD! You ARE a psycho!" Chisame screamed, knocking her chair over in her furious attempts at freedom.

"I most certainly am not!" The girl defended herself.

"You just killed your friend! He's dead! You're nuts!" Unfortunately for Chisame's escape plans, all she managed was to roll back and forth.

"I didn't kill him, silly! I just dropped him down to the fangirls. ...They always sound like salivating monsters."

Chisame, wide-eyed and frightened, looked up at Tsutomu and whispered, "A fate worse than death..."

"He seems to enjoy it well enough," Tsutomu shrugged off Ansem's scream of 'Help me, for the love of God! Please, please, I'm sorry! I'll be faster about it next time! For the love of all that you hold dear in this world, help me!'. She just shrugged that off. "Anyway, onto the tryouts. FIRST UP!" She shouted, raising a hand. A moment later, a young girl stepped out into the circle of light before them.

As she picked up Chisame so the girl could see, Tsutomu asked, "And what makes you think you're ready to join our expedition? Hm? What makes you worthy to aid us in our endeavor to save the children? From bestiality?"

"Well," The young girl started, "My name is Risc Trillian, and I am an OC. I-"

"Wait," Chisame held up a hand, "I know you! You're that little nitwit that saw me at the archery club!"

"Oh, geez, it's you?" Risc groaned, bringing a hand up to the bridge of her nose, "That's just great. The anti-social lunatic is trying to round up a possy to 'save the children'. Classic."

"Why the hell are you here?" Chisame turned to face her partner, "Why the hell is she here?"

"I left the recruitment process up to Ansem. He made up a whole campaign for us! Although I thought he'd be faster about it..."

At this point in time a long shriek of Ansem's pierced the area. Something about Kingdom Hearts and what Chisame hoped she misheard as buttsecks. Poor, poor Ansem. The fangirls were decimating him with their awful fandoms.

"I don't even know if I want to help a weirdo like you," Risc laughed, "I know I need some more coverage, but I'll be damned if I'd sink so low as to get it by helping you. Eternal-Longing will eventually cover all my bases."

"Permission to laugh at innuendo," Tsutomu piped up.

"Denied," Chisame grabbed a lever that was conveniently located beside her and gave it a tug, sending Risc plummeting down to her doom. The sounds of the familiar monsters below got louder as another soul joined Ansem's peril.

"Wow, I didn't put that lever there..." Tsutomu admitted sheepishly, "I also didn't untie your hands."

"I certainly didn't tap into the powers of fanfiction and make those things happen, myself."

"Of course not."

"Another thing I didn't do was send Risc dropping down into a pit filled with eighty foot long man-eating crocodiles on steroids."

"Is it weird that I still consider the fangirls to be more intimidating?" Tsutomu asked, her face scrunched up in thought.

"Nope. They sound about the same, anyway. So who's next?" Chisame raised a hand to wave the next person in, assuming that whoever they were could see her.

Not long after, a dark-skinned boy strode on into the light, squinting a little bit due to the brightness. He was wearing black clothes, and his eyes looked somewhat like a cat's, the girls noted.

"So, what makes you qualified to help us put a stop to Darkside and his God awful stories?" The women asked in unison.

"Well, my name is Cygnus. I think that I..." The boy trailed off when Ansem screamed again. Apparently, even over the snarling, whining, foaming at the mouth, and manhandling by the fangirls, he could somehow hear them. Somehow.

"CYGNUS! HELP ME! I AM YOUR CREATOR! I COMMAND YOU TO SAVE ME!"

"Just a moment, ladies," Cygnus walked somewhere over to the right, the spotlight following him as he went. He stopped by a hole in the ground, obviously where Ansem had fallen through. Cygnus just so happened to be carrying a backpack, which he now began to empty out onto the floor by the hole. He grabbed each item one at a time, holding them up and then dropping them down into the abyss.

Chisame mumbled the names of the items as they fell, "Rope... Handcuffs... Candles... Blindfold... Matches... What I'm going to pretend is a purple pickle..."

The list of items went on for a little longer, but Chisame had turned a little too green to continue naming the objects, "That's for all of the bondage jokes, buddy," With a wicked grin, he walked back out in front of the desk and resumed his position. Over the sound of Ansem's renewed cries for help and what sounded like duct tape being unrolled, he started over, "My name is Cygnus. I think that I-"

"You're hired," Chisame interrupted.

"Well that was easy," Cygnus shrugged, walking towards a door that appeared out of nowhere, a glowing sign above it reading 'Winner!'. He passed through the door, leaving the girls alone again.

"Uh, why did you just let him in like that?" Tsutomu ventured to ask.

"Such cruelty as to turn against even his own creator! His own father, practically! We'll need that if we're to crush that evil, smut-writing worm!"

"Ok, then...NEXT!"

-

Question: What makes you worthy to aid us in destroying Darkside?

Clyde: "What? Ansem told me there was a bachelor party for Negi going on, here. I never would have thought he'd pick Zazie. ...Guess he likes 'em to be a little...you know, still. Kinky."

Koremitsu: "So, when you say 'destroying' you mean 'making love', right? And by 'Darkside' you mean 'all night long', yeah? Because I know I'm worthy of that. VERY worthy."

Azureshot: "Because I'm a fanfiction author, for one, and two, I hold the utmost respect for you and Tsutomu. It would be an honor to help you in your goals. I can think of no way better to spend my time, and hope you will trust me to help you. Plus, there's no way I'd ever betray you or anything lame like that, so I'm a great choice! Now, just for the record, you guys have life insurance, right? I mean, just asking, no real reason."

Question: What talents can you lend to our cause?

Howell: "If I lend you my talents, will you promise to return them? I do rather need them."

Connor: "What the hell am I doing here? I don't want to have any part in your lame-ass powderpuff adventures. I'd rather have that paper-white guy ram a red-hot poker up my ass. ...Yeah, I should probably rephrase that."

Master Masa Random: "I am one of the pioneers in fanfiction revolving around your world, dear Chisame-chan! I have several characters at my disposal, and not one of them is into bestiality! In fact, I think it fair to say we are anti-bestiality. You never know who that cow may be, after all."

Question: Would you sacrifice yourself to save us?

Masayoshi: "It certainly wouldn't be the first time I died. Or the second. ...I think. I'm not entirely sure, actually. At any rate, I would protect you girls to the fullest of my abilities. Which means you'll be safe about ten percent of the time. ...To the best of my abilities, you see."

Midnight Sleeper: "I think a better question is would you sacrifice yourselves to save ME! I could always bring you back with the powers of fanfiction, but if I die and you guys keep going, then I'm screwed! The last thing I need is you screwing me. Wow, I just caught what I said. It's almost like it was scripted just for that one missed bit of innuendo. How sad is that?"

_Over two-thousand tryouts later..._

"Of all the time we just wasted...I could have taught myself how to deliver babies. Not to mention conceive and birth one, holy crap..."

"Now, Chisame-chan, I thought we made rather good time, didn't you, Ansem?"

The three found themselves back in the real world (Also known as the internet world), sitting at a round white table in front of the café. Ansem, covered in lipstick of various shades of pink and red, nodded vigorously, "Sure did! If that had gone any faster it would have been premature!"

"Did you just make an eja-"

"ANYWAY!" Tsutomu, from out of nowhere, used her powers of fanfiction to bust out a map, which she slapped to the table, "What we need to do now is plan out our movements. We have a party formed from the best of our candidates, and now we have to map out a path! Conveniently enough, there are three areas surrounding the Train Station."

Ansem gave a solemn nod, pointing out each respective region as he named them, "The Out Of Character Forest, the Flame Plains, and the Mary Sue Metropolis. We have trains with service to the city of Mary Sues, but the forest and plains aren't accessible by means other than foot. I wouldn't be surprised if Darkside hid a piece of your artifact in each region. He did say he busted it into three, right?"

Chisame nodded, "He did. How cheesy and convenient that it would all fall into place like this. He's just buying enough time so he can write his smut!"

"It seems to be that way," Tsutomu agreed.

"But where would he hide the pieces? That's the big question..."

"Actually," Ansem raised a finger, "Since this is all panning out so predictably and like a poorly-written RPG, he probably hid them in obvious places. In the Out of Character Forest there is an abandoned shrine behind the Overpowered Falls. It's really the only speck of civilization left in there, so I'd bet he put it there. Not to mention the fact that it is watched over by the most overpowered OC ever, Serac. In the Flame Plains there is a structure known as the Anonymous Tower, where an insane and vicious warlock lives. He goes by the name of Bloody Eyes. I wouldn't be surprised if the cur were in league with our enemy. I've little idea where he may have hidden the artifact piece in the Metropolis, however."

"Good, at least someone here seems to know what they're doing," Chisame flashed Ansem an appreciative smile, which he returned.

Tsutomu cleared her throat, which startled Ansem into yelping, "Of course, Theru here is the real deal! She backs the most powers of fanfiction of all the party, so we're really going to have to lean on her strength, the most. Don't pay me any mind..."

"Well thank you, Ansem!" Tsutomu grinned cheerfully, "Now, you must be tired, Chisame-chan. Let's get some rest. We'll need it for the trip tomorrow..."

"But it's not even...Night?" Of course, no sooner had Chisame opened her mouth did the daylight immediately turn to nighttime.

"Ansem, please escort Chisame-chan to the guesthouse above the Waiting Room. Please then inform the rest of the party as to our intentions, and get some rest yourself. We leave at daybreak!" Tsutomu rose from her seat and went off towards the Gift Shop, where she had a private room, "Theru is sleepy, herself..."

"Did she just refer to herself in the third person?" Chisame asked Ansem, who shrugged.

"We all find it endearing. Come on," He tipped his head in the direction he started walking in, "Let's get you to your room."

-

"Wow, over two thousand tryouts and we were the people who got picked? We must kick some serious ass, fellas," Koremitsu looked over his new compatriots and grinned.

"You know it," Clyde slapped his new friend on the back, "I'm ready to bring home the win for team Chisame!"

Azureshot and Cygnus each chuckled at the two. It was a little funny, but they all felt a deep welling of pride. Of all the people, these four had been chosen to help aid the battle against Darkside and his less than good intentions. They had been deemed better than the rest, and that felt good. The whole Waiting Room beamed with positive energy and pride.

Chisame and Ansem entered. The two moved through the room and to the stairs, where Ansem stopped, "This is your room for the night. Try to get a little sleep, alright? Theru's right; You'll need it."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Chisame started up the stairs, but stopped about halfway up. She set her hand on the banister, knelt down just a tad, and looked at the people in the room, "Thanks, I'll be counting on you..." With that, she finished the climb and entered her room.

"Was that...an honest to God thank you?" Azure asked, somewhat bewildered.

"How out of character..." Ansem agreed, shaking his head a little bit.

Azure's phone went off, and he bowed out of the room to answer it outside. The remaining group started talking about their plans for the next morning.

The young author flipped his phone open once he was a safe distance away from the door and put it to his ear, "I'm in."

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Imminent Failure**

**- - -Objective 02 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 05 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 06 - Completed**

**Mission status - Ongoing**


	7. Mission 06, To Be Selfless

_-----Author's note: This is not the next chapter of Death to Darkside. That will come at a later date. I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a romantic Negima story in ****exactly**** 1,000 words. **

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of romance.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Negi and Asuna are the only ones who may speak.**

**- - -Objective 04 - No flashback scenes permitted.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

It was a warm night, even though they were reaching into the later days of August. Negi took this as a good sign. The stars above them were like tiny, distant spotlights lighting their way. Negi took this as a good sign. The pleasant breeze drove leaves ahead of them, little skirting companions who seemed completely unafraid of the future they were heading off to. Negi took this as a good sign. He wished Asuna could feel the wind at their backs as well as he.

The pigtailed girl had been antsy ever since they set out. It was understandable, of course. It wasn't every day that you run away from everything to indulge in such a taboo relationship. The whole student/teacher relationship, while inexplicably attractive due to its forbiddenness, wasn't something you just run off to take part of. It also wasn't just every day, however, that one could see Asuna as anxious as this day. She was blushing and fidgeting so much at one point, Negi was wondering if maybe Nodoka had somehow switched bodies with her. Upon asking this question as ten-year-olds, no matter how much of a prodigy they are, are prone to asking stupid questions, he received an undeniable 'no'.

Asuna swung her fist down onto his head, effectively causing him to simultaneously bite his tongue and sprawl out onto the ground, "Of course I'm not Nodoka! You think I'd let another person inside my body? ...Wait..."

"'et's 'eave i' a' tha'..." Negi decided to cut her off before she said there were exclusions to the 'no one's getting into my body' statement. For some horrible, unfathomable reason he hoped he never understood, he thought of Konoka's dad, just then.

Asuna helped the boy up off the ground, then gave him a weak pat on the noggin, "I...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you...It's just a reflex, now..."

"Yes, yes, I know," He paused to laugh, "You're aware that you're helping me develop abuse issues, though, right?"

"As long as you don't start enjoying it, I think we're ok," Asuna nodded, stroking her chin thoughtfully.

Negi now caught himself watching her hand caress her chin, wondering what he should say next to make her hit him again. ...Oh, crap, "Uh, right, I hate it. ...It hurts. Anyway, Asuna-san, is this really what you want? I mean...you seem awfully jittery about the whole thing, and if this isn't what you want, just say the word and we can turn around and go back."

After pausing a second to exchange glances, Asuna resumed walking. She could hear Negi's footsteps just a bit behind her own, "You know, Negi, you've always been very nice to me."

"You've been nice to me, too," The boy replied softly.

"Right, I basically turned you into a pipsqueak punching bag. Remember when I was throwing stuff at you your first teaching day?"

"Yeah, what the heck was that stuff? It felt like you were hitting me with rocks..." Negi rubbed the back of his head in remembrance for his wounds.

"I'm not even sure. I just like to keep really hard things in my desk so on the off chance I'll need to throw something at someone, I'm all set."

"Wow, that's just weird."

"Do you want me to hit you again?"

"Honestly?"

Asuna stopped and spun around, an eyebrow raised up high enough that it must have smoked something to get there, "What?"

Negi shrugged and looked away. His eyes settled on a leaf caught in a storm drain across the street, "I don't know. I guess I just mean that I'm gonna miss this. I'm gonna miss you. How we are right now. You've always been more to me than a student. You've always been my closest friend since I came to Japan...And we're about to lose that."

"And you were asking me if I were jittery about this," She draped her arms over his shoulders and down onto his stomach in a hug from behind, "Is this what you really want?"

Turning only slightly so as not to move her arms from him, Negi looked up into her eyes and asked, "Will this make you happy?"

Asuna nodded, smiling.

"All I want is for you to be happy. This is really what I want."

The girl lowered her lips to his cheek, giving him a kiss. Once she had let him go, he brought his hand up to feel the spot her lips had been. Asuna continued to walk, and slowly, hesitantly, he followed. The leaf caught in the storm drain came loose in the wind, disappearing into the darkness below.

Both travelers were quiet, now. That kiss had been all the communication either needed. Really, it was all either could muster. The night which had felt so warm and promising ten minutes ago now felt cold and forlornly to Negi, who now realized that he needed Asuna much more than she needed him. He was her teacher, but she taught him what it was to love someone.

The steps in the quiet between the two seemed to be over before they even happened, and in no amount of time at all they had arrived at their destination. They had left their life behind and escaped to where true love awaited.

"Negi, don't put everyone else ahead of yourself forever," Asuna whispered, patting him on the head, "It's not healthy."

With that, she turned and climbed into the car that was waiting for her. Takamichi, who was on the other side of the car, looked as though there was a lot he wanted to say to Negi, then, but couldn't find the words. In the end, he simply tipped his head in thanks, then climbed into the driver's seat.

Negi watched as the car drove off into the night, knowing he'd never see them again. This is what he wanted. If he had to be sad that she could be happy, so be it.

"Goodbye, Asuna."

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**Mission status - Complete; Darkside awaiting further orders...**


	8. Mission 07, Colma

_-----Author's note: This is not the next part to Death to Darkside. That will come at a later date. Credit to The Ansem Man for the mission objectives. This is an alternate ending to Life in a Bottle._

_Spoilers and recommended readings for this chapter: The Dreamer, Life in a Bottle, and Scheme!._

_I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Develop an OC-centric Negima story in over 1,500 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genre of action and tragedy.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize the naval specialist, Okochi Akira.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Only able to utilize six characters in physical presence. No more than six, and no less than six.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

Sometimes, words can't sum up what you are feeling. Tremendous grief that crashes over you like you are nothing more than an insect being flooded by a merciless child with an angry garden hose. You are absolutely nothing. Your life means nothing. Like the water to the insect, the grief you can feel is tangible, overbearing, and unforgiving. So strong is it that you can't even bring yourself up off of your knees. It weighs down on your shoulders, threatening to crush you and trying its damned best to do as much. You hold onto the grief. You cling to it. Draw it to your breast and savor the touch. It slips through your grasp, dripping to the floor in front of you. It soaks not only your mind and soul, but your shirt and skin. This terrible anguish you feel is far more than mental or emotional. You hold the grief in your hands, stare at it, long for it, beg it.

"Please...please say something...say anything...please, please, please..."

It doesn't hear you.

Koremitsu, bloodied and depressed, scanned the decimated office he currently found himself in. Bodies were all around, laid out in every fashion. Sitting, lying, decapitated, carved in half, stuck to the wall by an unfortunately placed floor lamp through the chest, you name it. Some of the people were in black robes, some were in business clothes; your plain old suit and tie. They were all Angels, though, and that's what kept him from regretting his actions. Kill a few, save a lot. The numbers played out just fine, and that sat well with him. The slow patter of blood dripping off the end of his sword gave him a weird feeling of nostalgia and nausea. He didn't regret a thing, but regret and shame were different.

"Please...come back, come back...don't go, please, please..."

It can't hear you.

Masayoshi Hitodama's eyes also found themselves soaking everything in. There was so much blood...all over the walls, all over the floor, all over him. He was an exorcist. He'd seen his fair share of unpleasant things in the past, and he figured he'd see some more in the future. This right here, however, was the most destruction of human life he had ever seen, and he never hoped to see something like it ever again. His throat clenched and he made a gulping sound to swallow the vomit creeping up in his throat. Though it was shaking, he brought his hand up to his neck to rub it a little in the hopes of warming the chill in his spine. This act was rather sticky, and caused him to inspect his hand. Covered in blood. The only thing that could have made him feel worse was if that blood were his own. No matter. It was for her. He'd never wish to have to, but he'd repeat this frightful night for the rest of his life if need be to keep her safe. Natsumi meant more to him than everyone else combined, and their lives paled in comparison to hers.

"I didn't know this was...I thought they were going to save you...I thought we were going to save you..."

It cares not for your excuses.

Though the smallest among them, Negi Springfield metaphorically stood the tallest. His shoulders straight and his head held high, he put up the strongest front he could. The staff he had used to battle his way into the silence that now plagued them lay abandoned on the ground beside him. Despite his tough outer showing, he was breaking down inside. No matter what their intentions, no matter the greater good, no matter who they saved, it didn't change what they had done. An innocent girl was dead. They had killed her. What made his heart ache was that it wasn't even an accident. They hadn't killed her, he was wrong. They murdered her. What made his heart ache worse was that they had misled someone to draw his support. The worst part was that the boy loved the girl they murdered. The tears flowed freely from his sore, red eyes.

"Rokugou, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...So sorry, so sorry..."

It wants not your apologies.

Guilt was definitely a weird feeling, but not one that Connor Gavet was unfamiliar with. The blood gliding down his sword in twisting lines was the vessel's blood, the blood of an innocent girl doomed to death by his hand or by the hand of the Mother. He liked to think he was lesser of the two evils. It was just another weight to add to his conscience. Fun, fun, fun. Now all he had to do was tend to the women in his life. If by 'tend' he meant curb their unyielding rage towards him and hopefully redirect it to fiery passion. Because that's what 'tend' means when used in reference to women. There would be time for self-loathing and angst later.

"Why...Why..._Tell me why!!!!!_" Cygnus screamed. His head snapped up to glare at the four young men he had been fighting alongside in an attempt to rescue his love, only to get her back dead.

Undoing the knot behind his head, Connor replied, "Because we had to."

"_That's not good enough!!!!!_"

The bandana slid from his forehead and into his hand, which he lowered to his blade. He began to wipe the innocent blood from the weapon with it, "This wasn't some random kidnaping, kid. They took the girl because she was the vessel, primed to be the new home for a demon. We might not have been able to stop her if that had happened, and many more people would have died because of it. We did what we had to do to save the people we care about."

"She didn't do anything wrong..." Masayoshi cut in, "Don't take it personally."

The ground beneath them began to tremble. The shadows twisted and the lights flickered. Wind so chilling it could only be the whisper of Death himself scattered papers into the air. Darkness swelled around Cygnus as he gently lowered Rokugou's head to the ground. The trembling grew stronger as he spoke, "Don't take it personally?" He rose to his feet at such a pace that Negi could almost count the strands of jet black hair waving around his eyes in the deathly breeze.

Koremitsu swung his bloody sword up onto his shoulder, bending his knees. He turned sideways to show the dark boy his left arm. It looked like they weren't done fighting for the night, just yet, "Think about what you're asking for, man. You sure you wanna play that game?"

"Let's just go home," Negi stepped forward, "Cygnus-san, I'm truly, truly sorry, but..."

"You're sorry?" The shadows revolving around the young man slowed down, nearly vanishing altogether. The wind died, and silence won out the next few moments. Cygnus turned to look down at Rokugou's still form, "Rokugou, did you hear that? He said he's sorry."

The young teacher knelt down and took a hold of his staff. There would be no forgiveness this night, he knew. He whispered, "Truly sorry..."

"_My apologies!_" Cygnus shouted, "He said he was _truly_ sorry!" The boy began to shake as he trailed off for what felt like forever into an insane fit of laughter, "_Well I don't accept!_"

Masayoshi recoiled in surprise when the boy turned his head up, letting loose a tremendous roar. His face warped vertically, creating a grotesque and frightening picture that sent shivers through even the exorcist. The darkness erupted from beneath him like an angry volcano, filling the room with blackness and the nightmarish shriek the Devil's Swan released.

The next thing Negi knew, there was no more floor. It just vanished. His muscles tensed up at the now anticipated fall, but it never came. It was strange. Like that feeling you get when you're asleep and dreaming, and you wake up trying to take a step down. So disoriented this made him, he hardly registered that he could no longer see. The shadows had completely enveloped the room and, as far as he could tell, the rest of the world along with it. Though his eyes now failed him, his ears rang loud and clear Cygnus' maniacal laughter. Then his ears rang muffled and poppy as sight gradually returned. It seemed he wasn't likely to keep the two going at once, unfortunately. A yelp escaped his lips when a stone angel rose up before him. A second yelp issued when said angel exploded, chunks of stone showering over him.

Koremitsu stood up to his full height, popping his ears with fake yawns. Interested eyes took in the new area, which seemed to be much darker than the building they had stormed. Before the onset of the shadows and Death wind, of course. In fact, it looked like it was nighttime. ...Were those gravestones? Yep, those looked a lot like-

"Watch out!" Masayoshi's voice pierced the night.

If you've ever been unwittingly hit with the blunt force of a speeding truck, then you can sympathize with Koremitsu. The boy took the hit straight to the chest and went flying into an angel, breaking through it like it were dried play-dough. The young flirt slammed into a grave on his way down, his back making a startling cracking noise.

"Jack!" Connor started to run towards his motionless friend, weaving through the graves. Masayoshi was a step behind him, shouting Koremitsu's name.

The graves several yards in front of them suddenly began to shatter, the wave of explosions drawing closer at a rate so fast Connor barely had time to act. He jumped up as the thick rod of darkness swung towards him, busting through everything in its path. Masayoshi was not quite as fast, unfortunately, and took a hit to the chest that sent him straight to his back. His legs stuck up in the air for a second before they, too, fell to the ground. Connor, midair, saw to his left Cygnus, his arms stretched out into huge, flickering black branches. What caught his attention the most was how the arms were swinging in opposite directions. As soon as he noticed this the second arm caught him across the shoulder blades, sending him into a full flip before he landed face-first between a pair of now ruined tombstones.

Negi slid to a stop at Koremitsu, gently but quickly turning him over, "Are you alright?" He was shoved off as Koremitsu used the broken stone above him to pull himself up, his back making the same popping noise as he did.

Though he was slouched over and blood was running from a gash in his forehead, the look in his eyes said that Koremitsu was far from done, "Where'd my sword go?" He growled, slumping off towards the weapon a few feet away.

"You're going to die in here, you filthy bastard!" Cygnus shouted. Connor was sprawled out on the ground at the moment, but his heart was still beating which meant Cygnus still had work to do. The darkness that his arms became retracted, leaving him in much more a human's form that he had just been. Taking a step forward, he kicked off of a tombstone and launched himself into the air. A bloodthirsty black blade now in his hands, Cygnus dropped out of the night sky over Connor, who was just now rising.

The man in black ducked as a stream of light roared over him, straight from Negi's fingertips. Cygnus was hit, and thrown well off target by the impact. Connor pulled Masayoshi to his feet, and Negi, along with Koremitsu, took to his side. They stood in a little line before Cygnus, who leered at them wickedly as he rose to his feet. The night around their attacker seemed much blacker than that around them.

"_Come on!_" Cygnus roared, swinging his arms up towards the twinkling stars above. The faint shadows the graves cast in the starlight twisted and leapt to life, flitting across the ground like mice scampering from a freshly loosed cat.

"_Time to die!_" Connor jammed his sword into the earth, a rift opening up towards Cygnus in an attempt to swallow him alive. Coffins barely hung on to the dividing earth, and several spilled down into the abyss.

As Cygnus plummeted down into the ever-growing gap, hissing tendrils of black magic shot up towards the four allies. Snared in the grasps of the shadows, the friends found themselves dragged down after him.

"Grab something!" Negi shouted, clawing at the side of the scar in the earth.

Koremitsu ran his sword through one of the protruding coffins, grabbing Masayoshi by the ponytail, "Thanks for the advice, Negi! I would have let myself get dragged straight to hell if you hadn't told me to hang on to something!"

"Save the sarcasm!" Connor swung his swords through the tentacles holding him, dispersing them. He fell onto the steeply sloped canyon wall and slid to a stop on top of a well decayed casket. It threatened to snap in half under his weight, and his foot actually broke through the lid, "Where the hell did he go?"

"More importantly, what was with that attack?" Masayoshi asking, slowly spinning around as he hung from his ponytail, "It didn't help anything!"

"Well, usually, there would be a burst of fire to go with it, but I can't very well do that with all of us in here, can I, smartass?"

The tendrils holding them retracted into the pit below, allowing Negi to safely clutch onto the rocks. Well, as safely as could be hoped for in such a situation, "Is he...did he fall all the way?"

It started off quietly, but quickly grew to deafening proportions, echoing throughout. Cygnus' laughter sounded less human than it had before. It almost sounded like he were crying at the same time. None of them were sure if they could even call it laughter. It was more like a brokenhearted, tumultuous wailing.

"Where is it coming fr-"

The coffins filling the ravine ruptured, splintered wood flying off in every which way. Strands of shadows erupted mercilessly in every direction, reaching across the rift and piercing the stone sides as though they were made of pudding.

Koremitsu's hold decimated by the sudden attack, he, along with Masayoshi, let out shouts of surprise as they found themselves thrown away from the wall.

Connor and Negi propelled themselves up out of the pit with pulses of light and dark energy, respectively, landing safely back on solid ground. From either side of the pit, they looked down at their friends, black strings stronger than iron on course to skewer them, body parts from the desecrated dead hanging from them. Masayoshi's book was already out, and he looked to have done something with it.

It seemed to be happening in slow motion. The bespectacled boy could see every last bit of magic approaching him, each separate approaching branch, flickering and malevolent. His book was out and in his hands, his head was pulled back by Koremitsu's grip on his hair. He felt every tug of every strand of hair. _'Please, gods, let this work...' _He tapped the magic circle on the page before him.

_...Masayoshi shrugged, looking up at the ceiling, "What was what about? I simply wanted to get you home as fast as I could so you could stay up all night, gossiping with your friends and practicing parts for a play, and do whatever else sounds entertaining! Maybe you could go take a bath with that tall...big girl! I could go get you a Playstation 2, how's that sound? Hang on, I'll be right back..."_

_Masayoshi turned to leave, but Natsumi caught him by the shoulder, "Wait, what are you talking about, Masa-kun?"_

_Masayoshi looked over his shoulder, nodding, "Right, that stuff isn't all that interesting. I'll be back with some Playgirls in a couple of minutes!"_

_Now blushing at the thought of her boyfriend snagging her some pornographic material, Natsumi pressed the question, "What are you talking about? What's wrong?"_

_Masayoshi spun around, stepping into her and wrapping his arms around her, letting her surprise keep his girlfriend quiet. She slipped her arms under his and lowered her cheek onto his shoulder, not sure what else she could do, "Please, please..." Masayoshi whispered beside her ear, "Please promise me you won't go to sleep, tonight..."_

_Natsumi hugged him tighter, "You heard Hakase...The most we could go without sleep is a couple of days."_

"_A couple of days knowing you'll be safe means more to me than you could possibly imagine. Promise me," Masayoshi took enough of a step back out of the hug to look Natsumi in the eyes._

_She felt her throat get sore when she saw the tears on Masayoshi's face, "Oh...You're gonna make me cry, too..." She admitted with a choked laugh, wiping his face dry with her sleeve, "On one condition."_

_Masayoshi nodded, "Anything you want."_

"_Stay here, tonight."..._

The circle flashed red, and Masayoshi closed his eyes. _'Misfire...'_

Negi and Connor both let out shouts as a violent explosion issued from the black book, throwing them both away from the tear in the cemetery.

Koremitsu felt the skin burn and peel from his body, his hair lighting and vanishing under the flash of heat. The tendrils ran through him, blood that was quick to boil rained down from him. He couldn't feel anything, hear anything, see anything. The only thing that seemed real was that he was dying.

_...Koremitsu raised his head from the ground, looking at the girl right in front of him, "Princess, what the hell?" After waiting a second and getting no reply, he gave her a little nudge, "Princess?" Still nothing. That's when he saw the flow of blood meandering away from Konoka's still form, his eyes going wide, "Konoka, are you alright!?" He yelped, sliding to his knees and pulling the bleeding girl up onto his lap to find the wound, ignoring the sounds of similar shots being fired close by as the fight went on._

_The front of her uniform was soaked in blood, a tear apparent in the chest region. She was conscious, but looked like she was about to go into shock. Wide-eyed and breathing hard, she stared at Koremitsu for a second that felt like it lasted several hours before saying, "I-I'm h-hurt..."_

_Tears immediately spilt from her eyes, running down her cheeks as she spoke, her own voice scaring her worse than the blood she could feel pooling beside her. She sounded like she was sobbing, those two words taking a monumental effort to squeak out._

"_We're ok, you're ok, it's ok!" Koremitsu reached down and, with a few solid tugs, tore her shirt in half, starting from the tear made by the projectile. He paled when he saw the hole in her chest, above her right breast, which was leaking blood frighteningly fast. Stilling his own panic, he pulled his own shirt off, using it to staunch the blood flow as best he could._

"_I-I'm s-s...I'm s-scared..." She gasped as Koremitsu set her hand on the shirt._

"_You'll be ok, it's not as bad as it feels," He lied, "Now j-just hold this on here, I'll-"_

_The boy tried to jump up and leave for help, but Konoka caught him weakly by the hand, her voice cracking when she pled, "P-Please don't leave m-me!"_

_He fell back to her side, holding her hand tight and pressing the shirt over the wound as he gave a shaky nod, "You're gonna be ok...I promise. Look at me," He lowered his forehead to hers as both his hands were preoccupied and her head had started to loll to the side, "We're gonna fix this. You're gonna get through this..."..._

Death washed over them.

"_Jack!!!" _Connor screamed, jumping to his feet. He rushed to the side of the now smoking rift, but didn't get a chance to look over the edge as Cygnus leapt out at him, flickering black sword swinging.

The man in black swung his own sword up, catching his enemy's blade, "_I'm gonna kill you!!!" _Connor snarled, tears leaking down his face.

"Connor, watch out!" Negi shouted, making a rush for his remaining ally.

"You'd be doing me a favor," Cygnus whispered, falling to a knee under Connor's strength and releasing his sword. The Devil's Swan thrust his arm forward and it extended into a black streak up and through its target. A tear escaped his eye. Connor's sword came down into the side of his neck below his ear, cleaving through the flesh and grinding against the spine.

_"__Cygnus-kun!" Rokugou whimpered._

_The Devil's Swan walked over to the girl, genuine sadness on his face, "Yeah, the old adage says it best: this is goodbye," He knelt down to her, "And worse yet, this dimension's kinda far from your memories...something makes me believe you might forget me...and it won't be your fault."_

_The girl's eyes were watery, "Cygnus-kun...I won't forget!"_

_Cygnus answered that with mirthless laughter. "You sound so strong with that! If you so believe it..." Cygnus knelt close, "Maybe within your heart, your memories will stay pure."_

_In an unusual move, Rokugou pecked him on the lips._

_The red-faced couple gasped before Cygnus backed away. "Ah...!?" The boy said. He held a finger to his lips, "Maybe that will do as a memory, too." He went back to her. She grabbed his hand, and he hers, "But don't worry. Maybe one day, I'll find you again, even if you don't remember me."..._

The blade snapped through, and Cygnus fell forward. The shadow that his arm had warped into vanished. Blood poured from him as water from an overturned bucket.

Connor stood there, motionless, Cygnus' decapitated body at his feet. Negi slowed to a stop, staring at the scene in front of him with wide eyes. Cygnus was dead, and the gaping hole his final attack had left in Connor's chest didn't bode well for his killer.

"Negi..." Connor gurgled, blood spilling from his mouth with the effort. He dropped his sword, "Do me a favor..."

_..."I was asking if you envied me because I have friends. People who care about me, even if I am like this. Do you?"_

"_Last time I checked," Connor muttered nastily, "Your only friend was taking a permanent nap beneath a bunch of yellow flowers. So d-don't..." Allowing himself to trail off when he realized what an ass hole he must have just sounded like, Connor opened his eyes and took another peek at Sayo._

_The girl had let her head droop a little, but her eyes were devoid of tears, which was a good thing. He had definitely said the wrong thing, there, but at least she wasn't breaking down because of it._

"_I'm sorry," The man mumbled, "That was out of line. I'm just frustrated. ...Maybe...Maybe I am a little envious of you, I don't know."_

_Sniffing just slightly, the ghost asked, "Why?"_

_Scratching the bridge of his nose as he spoke, Connor replied, "Because of how you are. You might be shy, but you have no problem playing nice and smiling, and all of that other crap that you need to do to get by. I want to be like that sometimes, too, but at the same time I can't stand it."_

_Sayo opened her mouth to ask 'why', but Connor answered before she did so, "Because I can't do it. I don't want to be one of those people who put on a smile everyday and act like everything's just fine, because it's not. I've seen a lot of things, Sayo, and most of them weren't good for smiling at. Turn on the news and you'll get a hundred and one new reasons to stop acting like a giddy little kid."_

_Surprised he used her name instead of a nickname, Sayo listened as her ex-teacher continued, "Right now...I'm trying to make up for something terrible that I did. ...But I'm wasting my time. Nothing I do or say is going to fix what happened, or even make it acceptable. I don't care that I didn't mean it, because it doesn't change the fact that I did it, and nothing can bring her back, now...But it's not stopping me from trying."..._

Connor fell backwards, lying on the hard, unforgiving ground, "Leave me dead, this time..." He whispered.

Negi stumbled over to Connor, sinking to his knees beside him. The blood from his aid soaked into the knees of his pants. They had been through a lot together, but somehow he felt it would always end like this. Connor just wasn't meant to make it. Masayoshi...Koremitsu...Cygnus...they just weren't meant to make it. But then, why was he?

"Why do you have to die...why do you all have to die, but I live on? The people I care about...Why is it happening like this?" Negi asked, his eyes devoid of tears, though much more hollow.

He received no answer.

"What am I supposed to tell them? Ku Fei, Natsumi, Konoka, Sayo, Fuuka and Fumika...How can I be the only one who comes back? ...I'll never be able to look them in the eyes again. Tell me, how do I do this?"

Negi placed his hands into the steadily growing pool of Cygnus and Connor's blood, then looked at the stains on them. This shed blood was his responsibility. He was too weak to prevent it. Even after everything he'd learned, all of the power he had attained. The blood slid down his arms and into his shirt, where it soaked in and stopped. It was already cold. So cold...

"We all just tried to do what we thought was right...We train and we fight to protect the people we love. We become stronger so we can make the world a better place. But what's the point of it? Fighting only causes pain and loss, and then no one's happy. ...Does that mean you threw your life away? Will I do the same thing? I...I don't know what to think, anymore..."

Confused and brokenhearted, Negi laid down beside Connor, feeling so numb he didn't even register the blood beneath him. He had no idea where he was or how to get back. He didn't care. He'd never felt so desperate for a sense of direction. His eyes void of hope, he stared blankly up at the starry sky, completely lost. There was nothing left but grief, but he couldn't cry. He'd have to tell the others what happened. He'd have to tell them that the people who promised they would come back wouldn't be coming back.

He wondered if he was the luckier one for surviving.

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Failed**

**Mission status - Failed...**


	9. Mission 08, Wherefore Art Thou, Sanity?

_-----Author's note: This is not the next part to Death to Darkside. That will come at a later date. I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a humorous tragedy Negima story in ****exactly**** 2,000 words. **

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genre of comedy.**

**- - -Objective 03 - May only physically utilize girls whose seating numbers are even.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

Natsumi Murakami stood at center stage, surveying the crack team of expert actors she had assembled for her mission. What mission was that, you ask? Simple. To test the depths of her directing talents! An aspiration of many actors is to one day become a director of their own play, and for Natsumi, that time was now.

Her team, which she had somehow managed to recruit from her classmates, consisted of the Baka Rangers (Negi promised them each ten extra credit points for taking part in the mock play), Yuna (Basketball practice was cancelled for no adequately explored reason), Mana (Whom she hired with meal tickets she 'borrowed' from Sakurako), and Evangeline accompanied by Chachamaru (Chizuru was unable to attend, also for inadequately explored reasons, so she blackmailed Evangeline into filling her spot. This is also inadequately explained, but rest easy in knowing it does not involve murder or pictures of the girl cosplaying as a cat nurse in front of a mirror. ...Well, it doesn't involve murder).

"Alright," Natsumi took in a deep breath, then addressed the group, "You all read the play, right?" The general mumble and shifting of feet that followed told her that, no, they pretty much hadn't. "Did you read ANY of the play?"

"Well," Asuna spoke up, "We sort of...power-read through it."

"Like," Makie followed up her friend, "Ten minutes ago."

"So it fresh in our heads!" Ku Fei added, giving a thumbs up.

Natsumi looked over to Mana and Evangeline, desperation building in her eyes, "What about you two?"

"I am familiar with various plays. You never know when you might need to assassinate a target acting in a play, and it is important to know when and where they will be in it," Mana nodded slowly.

"Of course I know how to act, are you kidding me? Any woman who's hit twenty has learned how to act..." Evangeline sighed, shaking her head.

"Eva, you're like, ten!" Makie laughed.

"Was that a sex joke Eva just made?" Yuna asked, a big smile etched onto her face.

"Yep, I'm going home," Yue turned to leave, but Kaede caught her by the collar and hoisted her into the air, where she turned about as still as a sack of potatoes.

"We need the extra credit, Yue-dono..."

"I would rather fail English than fail a play with the lot of you all day," Groaned the philosopher.

"Aw, come on..." Asuna tried to mimic Yue's voice.

"Yeah, do for children!" Ku Fei cheered.

"I don't think Eva-san wants to be here, either," Yue almost grinned.

"I know you did not just imply I was a 'children'," Evangeline snarled.

"Actually, master, she implied you were a child," Chachamaru decided to be helpful and correct her master's misuse of a plurality.

Natsumi watched as everything kind of deteriorated from unfortunate to terrible. It was very familiar and made her want to pull out her hair. She now understood why Negi looked so tired all the time, and why he had to take those pills after class.

"HEY!" Natsumi shouted. Everyone clammed up and turned to her, which made her kind of embarrassed, but she went on, anyway, "L-Look, we're gonna do this, and we're gonna d-do it now! Romeo and Juliet is a classic, so go from what you have in your memory. This is just practice, after all..."

-

Yuna stepped in-between Ku Fei and Yue, Mercutio and Tybalt, respectively, shouting, "Cut it out! I am seriously not down with the dueling!"

Tybalt, taking advantage of Romeo's untimely interruption, delivering a fatal blow to Mercutio.

Ku Fei stumbled backwards a few steps, eyes all swirly as she held the sword under her arm to give the ultimate touch of being stabbed. She fell onto her back, eyes still swirling, and said, "I stabbed...ow..."

Yuna rushed to Ku Fei, "Oh, crap! Are you gonna be ok?"

"I freaking stabbed, what you think!?"

Yue laughed, "Mercutio has fallen in your place, Romeo!"

"You guys suck," Ku Fei stated pointedly, "I hope bad stuff happens to you!" Then she stuck out her tongue and closed her eyes in the universal gesture of 'I'm dead'.

"They don't know any of the lines," Natsumi sighed, rubbing the back of her neck.

Chachamaru, who was currently beside the director and recording everything, responded, "At least they're in the same general ballpark."

Yuna put on her best pissed off face and lunged at Yue, stabbing her.

Tybalt staggered back, eyes swirling, tongue sticking out. Before she fell, she said, "How anticlimactic..."

-

Mana, also known as Juliet, continued to talk with the nurse, also known as Kaede.

"Did you bring me my chords?" Mana asked sternly.

"Yes, yes, here are the chords..."

Raising an eyebrow, Juliet asked, "What's wrong? Why are you acting all nervous? You've sort of got a twitch going on."

"Well, Tybalt killed Mercutio, which didn't sit well with Romeo, so he killed Tybalt. Now, as I understand it, Romeo is to be banished," The nurse and confidant explained. Once having finished, she added, "Now it seems you're the twitchy one."

"I forgot to take my medicine, is all."

"A healthy dose of forbidden love, huh?"

Mana shrugged, looking away, "I have no want of your touch, anymore."

"That's not what you said last night," Kaede purred, rubbing up against Mana.

Natsumi sat there stupidly, wide-eyed. After a few seconds she muttered, "I don't think this actually happened. Actually, I know this didn't happen."

"Do you think it was a bad idea to give Kaede a nurse's uniform?" Chachamaru asked.

"I think it was a worse idea to give her Ako's nurse uniform. That thing is WAY too small. Still rolling?"

"This is going to end up on the internet, somewhere," Chachamaru nodded.

Kaede tiptoed her fingers across Mana's arm and the arch of her neck, using her fingers below the Miko's chin to tilt the pretty face towards her own. When next she spoke, her mouth wasn't even an inch from Mana's cheek, "Just remember that I'm here for you, even if Romeo might not be."

Mana, being the best Juliet ever and a great actor even though she didn't really know the lines, shivered and replied, "Just...Just how there for me are you?"

The nurse smiled, turning Juliet's head the rest of the way so that their lips practically touched. Everyone watching had to lean in and strain to catch what was being said, "Ask for anything, and I'll provide."

Mana pulled back, thrusting a directing finger in some random direction, "Go get me Romeo! I would speak with him!"

Kaede jumped back, saluting, "Yes, Ma'am!"

Natsumi fell out of her director's chair, and Chachamaru waved a little white flag with a big red H on it.

"Where that flag come from?" Ku Fei asked.

"Shut up, we're dead, remember?" Yue griped.

-

Romeo was currently with Friar Laurence, Asuna. The two had just had a rather in-depth conversation about what was going on. This was the ending of the aforementioned conversation:

Friar Laurence: Wow, that sucks.

Romeo: Tell me about it. I haven't been this upset since the time I totally forgot about my first love, What's Her Face.

Friar Laurence: Rosaline? Yeah, whatever happened to her?

Romeo: I don't know. I guess she like...died, or something.

Friar Laurence: Um, I just talked to her like, a week ago. I meant why don't you love her anymore?

Natsumi, still trying to get the mental image of a nurse-clad Kaede trying to accost Mana out of her mind, tilted her head to the side as she watched the two talk. She mumbled, "Whatever DID happen to Rosaline?"

"They never really tend much to her in the story," Chachamaru returned.

"Wow. I have absolutely no idea what that feels like."

Romeo: Because I love Juliet.

Friar Laurence: ...So you just magically don't like Rosaline anymore, and you just went for Juliet?

Romeo: Well, no, that's...uh...

Friar Laurence: So you're basically a whore.

Romeo: Huh, I guess so.

Friar Laurence: Typical man.

A knock came at the door, so Romeo hid. Meanwhile...

-

Paris and Capulet were also pretty busy doing their thing. Paris, Makie, said, "Why aren't I married to Ma...Juliet, yet!?"

"Look," Evangeline growled, "We're working on it, ok? Quit being so antsy."

"But Capuleeeeeettttttt, I want to marry Julieeeeetttttt!"

"Paris, ok, look. In maybe, like, three or four months things will have smoothed out a little and all that. You're seriously being a little bastard. You don't rush these things!"

"NO!" Makie stamped her foot, "I want to marry her this week! Make sure it happens, or I'm gonna be really mad!"

"Yep, it didn't happen like this," Natsumi sighed.

"Master usually only looks like that when she's about to kill something. Or when she's dreaming of small woodland creatures."

"Wait, what?"

Evangeline swallowed hard and tried to keep all of the blood vessels in her head from exploding. Once the redness in her face from sheer rage had subsided to a dark pink, she asked sweetly, "Thursday sound good?"

"Hell to the yes, biyotch."

-

After a short intermission in which Chachamaru helped clean Makie's body off of the stage, the play resumed.

"Paris wasn't supposed to die, there!" Natsumi squealed, though the play continued, anyway.

"Shakespeare wasn't perfect, I'm afraid," Evangeline replied, sitting beside Chachamaru.

"And here I was, looking forward to the last epic battle in the crypt. Now Makie probably won't even be conscious for it..."

"Personally, I don't see that as a negative," The miniature vampire stated.

"Master likes for them to be still," Chachamaru nodded.

Before Natsumi could stutter out a 'what?', Yuna had retaken the stage. It was time for the infamous balcony scene!

"Romeo, Romeo, where the hell are you, Romeo?" Mana asked, sending a joking glance at Natsumi, who had by this point given up and was just watching for the fun of it.

"Here I am, bab- er, my love!" Yuna stumbled out in front of the cardboard balcony which Mana was currently atop. Well, actually, she was behind it on a ladder, but it's the same thing, really.

"So, did you really kill Tybalt?" Juliet asked.

"I ran him through with my blade, and cast him to hell for his crimes. I don't regret what I did, save for the troubles it may have caused you. Do you resent me?"

Mana shook her head, "I could never resent you, Romeo, only that which would drive us further apart. Tybalt was my cousin, but you are my husband, and I love you. Were you but up here with me I could show you as much..."

Chachamaru waved the H flag again, "Scissor."

"What?" Natsumi asked, confused.

"Uh, sometimes Chachamaru says random things that don't have anything to do with the current situation. ...It's like a glitch." Evangeline said loudly, pink in the face.

"Really?"

"Yeah, let's go with that. I'm gonna go ahead and turn her off, now..."

"She has an off switch?"

Yuna took a step to the side where a ladder was conveniently placed, "Luckily enough, I have this ladder, so just give me a sec, my love..."

Yuna quickly ascended the ladder and, before Natsumi could say 'cut', the two were holding each other, inching in for the kiss. Natsumi gulped when she saw both girls red in the face, their hands clenching the others clothes. Their lips grazed, Yuna shivered, then-

"HEY!" Kotaro shouted, jumping up and kicking the static-filled screen, "Where's the rest!?"

"Master put me into sleep mode. I did not record any further than this," Chachamaru admitted, "I can show you no more. Though why you'd want to see still perplexes me."

What had begun as Kotaro interested in Natsumi's play turned into him interested in seeing the girl's kiss, which had turned out to be a sad let down. As he began banging his head against the wall, he asked Chachamaru to rewind to the part with Kaede in the tiny nurse's outfit.

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**Mission status - Complete; Darkside awaiting further orders...**


	10. Mission 09, Ho, Ho, Ho!

_-----Author's note: Credit goes to Hydriatus for the mission objectives. Good luck with Memories are Everything, man! Everyone, look forward to it, it promises to stomp Nazis! This is the most difficult mission yet. Objective five will be the key one, here. That coupled with the first objective makes for a killer hit. Rock on. Everyone have a nice Christmas!...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a Christmas Negima story in over 1,500 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genre of comedy.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Must utilize ten or more student units.**

**- - -Objective 04 - All students utilized must have a romantic partner.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Must complete the mission within two hours of beginning.**

**- - -Objective 06 - Unable to implement dark or tragic elements.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"Uh, Negi?"

"What is it, Kotaro?"

"I don't think you should be playing with that."

Negi sat upright, dragging a sleeve across his damp forehead. He and his good friend, Kotaro, were currently in the latter boy's dorm room, which just so happened to be Ayaka's dorm room, along with Natsumi and Chizuru. Why were they there, you might ask? Simple. Because the three girls weren't, at the time, whereas Asuna and Konoka were in Negi's dorm. Being boys, they needed time alone from the girls to do their own things, free from the cooties and pink stuff that girls perpetually cast off like a skunk casts stank.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. The more entire truth added to the equation more than simple cooties. It added a kind of magic potion that Negi probably shouldn't have been tampering with. Especially not at night, because everyone knows that things end badly when you do things you're not supposed to do at night. Unless she says yes, first. And even then, you should probably get it in writing. ...And copy it.

But! This was a special night! It was Christmas Eve, and Negi had a present he needed to make. Being a guy was basically the same thing as being a procrastinator, which meant he hadn't properly done his shopping. This, sadly, meant he had no present for Asuna. Also, in refusing to learn from his past blunders, he decided that a magical love potion to help her win Takamichi over was the most awesome way to go, considering he had no time at all to work with. With his mind set, he had raided Chamo's magical stock (Which was unfortunately fortunately buried beneath a mound of missing girl's underwear), called Kotaro up, got him to send off Ayaka and the other two, and rushed on over.

"What DID you tell them that got them out of here so fast?" Negi wondered aloud, doing very well in completely ignoring Kotaro's previous suggestion of not doing what he was doing.

Kotaro thought for a second, his ears turning down.

-

Ayaka looked around, getting increasingly angrier by the second.

"Oh my," Chizuru laughed, "It seems Negi-kun isn't out here, after all."

"Which also kind of limits the likelihood of him being out here, naked," Natsumi added, shivering in the chilly wind.

Stomping her foot on the ground, Ayaka fumed, "That horrible brat, sending us all the way out to Library Island for nothing!"

"It DOES seem kind of weird that he'd send us out here to pick up a naked Negi-kun on Christmas Eve. I mean, why would Negi-sensei be out here this late, at all?" Chizuru asked, turning around and heading back for the door.

"And naked, on top of it all?" Natsumi turned to follow her tall friend.

"I can think of three good reasons!" The blonde growled noisily, trying to shake the images of a foursome out of her head. Nodoka was going to get a good stern talking to, tomorrow! "Let's just get back home. Whatever that heathen is up to, I'll not stand being lied to!"

-

"I didn't tell them anything interesting..." Kotaro shrugged, looking away nonchalantly, "But seriously, I'm gonna go ahead and say that mixing that...whatever the hell it is, with that other whatever thingy, is a bad idea."

Negi set the clear vile down, holding the pink one aloft as he glanced at Kotaro, "And suddenly you're the cautious one? Where's this coming from?"

"Man, I'm just saying! That clear one smells like trouble. Do you even know what it is?"

"I...have a basic idea of what it is, yes. It's some sort of pheromone that...does...it makes people want to...you know."

"Make babies?"

"Yes, thank you. It makes people want to make babies. Now if you'll excuse me, I had a fantastic grade in potions, and I have a potion to finish for Asuna."

Negi took the clear vile back in his hand. He raised it up, and Kotaro watched as he did so. He wasn't a wuss. If Negi wanted to pour the death juice into pink whatever juice, that was his call. But he did have one question, "So if that potion's for Asuna, does that mean you want her to be making babies?"

The clear liquid dropped out from the vial and into the pink liquid. As it did, Negi's eyes widened upon hearing Kotaro's question, "Wait, WHAT!?"

There was a rather loud 'boom', accompanied with all of the windows blowing out.

Chemical explosions are dangerous. If you ever find that you are in a chemical explosion, please be sure to wash your eyes thoroughly with warm water. Unless you're dead, in which case give Kurt Cobain a hi five from all of us back here on earth.

Kotaro ran his hand across his face, expecting to find himself covered in grime. Luckily enough, there didn't seem to be anything of the sort on him, so he let out a sigh of relief. "Didn't I tell you not to mix the damn stuff?"

"Yep."

"I had a fantastic grade in potions," Kotaro trumpeted, strutting around his friend.

"Yeah, I did say that," Negi groaned, rubbing his eyes. He felt alright, and aside from the shockwave the potion failure had made, there didn't seem to be any other indication anything had happened, at all. Now, however, he was two ingredients down, and still no potion. ...And he needed to fix some windows.

At this unfortunate point in time, Ayaka, Chizuru, and Natsumi all saw fit to return home and fling the door open. Well, Ayaka did most of the flinging, but nonetheless, they were all present.

"What happened in here!?" The class representative shouted, quick to note everything being blasted over onto its side. A fair question, as couches don't just roll over, after all.

"Oh my, it looks like they had a party..." Chizuru stated blandly, looking around.

"What kind of parties do you go to, Chizune?" The red-headed girl asked. She wandered over to the couch and pushed it back upright.

"I'll tell you when you're older, Natsumi-chan," The lovely lady promised, much to everyone's bewilderment.

"N-Negi-sensei!" Ayaka startled, turning red at having snapped at him, "What exactly happened in here?"

Negi, who had been furiously trying to hide all of his potions materials back into his backpack, jumped to his feet and started waving his arms around like he was calling down a plane. "N-N-Nothing! Does it look like something happened? B-Because nothing happened, in here! Lots and lots and lots of nothing!"

One would naturally expect that response to fail pretty hard. When you return home to find your windows smashed out, your stuff all knocked around, and two boys at the center of it all, you can pretty much rule out 'nothing' as the cause of it. Nothing's traitorous sister, Something, seemed much more likely to be the culprit. But Ayaka didn't care, as illustrated by her next actions.

She swooped in over Negi, wrapped her arms around him, and pulled his face into her bosom. Don't you wish you got into more chemical explosions, now?

"Negi-sensei," Ayaka cooed, "I believe you..."

"A's 'ood," Negi muffled, hoping that was a Tic-Tac against his cheek. Those things are elusive, right? It could have fallen down there.

And then, though this didn't much surprise Kotaro, Chizuru swept in on him and performed the same face to breast maneuver Ayaka had.

"You're not hurt, are you, Kotaro-kun?" The tall girl asked in a whisper, holding him tight.

"'efore 'is hug?" The dog asked, squinting. Then something grabbed his leg. Scratch that, two somethings grabbed his leg. Wait, there was a third something. Using his incredible strength, Kotaro wrenched his face from the black void of cleavage and looked down to find Natsumi at his leg. She was sitting to his right, both arms around his leg. That explained the first two things. The third thing was her own leg, which was rubbing against his.

"Are you sure, Kotaro-kun?" Natsumi asked, looking up into his eyes, "Maybe we should get your clothes off and take a better look, just to be safe..."

"S-Sis, Negi's here! Geez, quit embarrassing me..."

"K-KOTARO!" Negi gasped, clawing along the floor towards his only salvation. Ayaka was behind him, clinging to his pants, which were sliding off.

"What the hell!?" Kotaro barked, trying to pull free and save his buddy. Sadly, it was not to be. Chizuru's iron grip wasn't willing to yield, and he found himself rather stuck. "Let go, Chizune!" The boy yelped, "Blondy's gonna do weird stuff to Negi!"

"If she's going to do weird things to Negi-kun," Chizuru purred, "Then I'm going to do crazy things to you, Kotaro-kun..."

"Let's get those pants off!" Natsumi cheered, reaching for the boy's zipper.

Yeah, chemical explosions are definitely bad.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? NOOOOOOOO!" Kotaro roared, wrenching free from Chizuru and flinging Natsumi across the room with a mighty swing of his leg. He snatched Negi from Ayaka like a purse from an old lady, and they were out the door before you could say fivesome.

"Negi-sensei!" Ayaka called after the duo of fleeing boys.

"OK!" Kotaro shouted, carrying Negi as he ran like a Kenyan towards a strip of yellow tape, "What in the name of HELL was that!?"

Negi, leaving fluttering strands of drool in his wake, mumbled, "She tastes like rich..."

"NO!" Kotaro screamed, squeezing Negi until his back popped loudly, "NO TASTING! BAD! EXPLAIN!"

"Uh, y-yeah, right! You're right! The explosion...it must have coated us in the pheromone I took from Chamo...That's what made them go nuts like that. I just need to talk to Chamo about it, he can tell us what to do."

"We can't go to your room, Negi!" The dog pointed out, "You've got two big sisters in there!"

"That's true, and Asuna-san will be a lot harder to get away from, too. Since it's a biological element that's affecting the girls, her spell cancel ability won't make a difference. ...I don't know if we could get away from here, anyway."

"So call him on your cell, then!" Kotaro commanded, setting Negi down.

The young boy prodigy would have done as commanded, but the sad truth of it was that his cell phone was in his pocket, which happened to be on his pants, which happened to be back with Ayaka. She was probably sniffing them, too, for all he knew.

"WELL THAT'S JUST GREAT! Let's find a pay phone!" Kotaro rushed around for a few seconds until he found one, then dragged Negi over to it. He gave Negi a handful of coins, and then waited impatiently as the boy dialed up his room.

Konoka picked up a moment later, "H-Hello?" Came her sweet voice. She sounded as though she were a bit out of breath.

"Konoka-san! I need to speak with Chamo-kun, quick!"

"He's not...not here..." Konoka breathed heavily.

"WHAT!? Where is he!?"

"He and Asuna...whew, they w-went out on a walk..."

Kotaro, who could hear her over the noisy phone, started banging his head against the glass booth.

"When will they be back, do you know?"

"N-No, not for a little while...I g-guess...I'll be right there," Konoka giggled the last part.

"K-Konoka-san, what are you doing, right now, if I might ask?"

"I called S-Set-chan over. We're playing..." There was some hushed conversation on the other end before Konoka concluded, "We're p-playing Twister..." Another bout of giggling, "I've gotta go now, Negi-kun, see you! I'm coming, I'm co-" Hung up on.

"I hope so much that 'I'm coming' doesn't describe that game of Twister," Kotaro gulped, turning red.

"I don't even know what that means, and I agree with you..." Negi replied, hanging up the phone. He turned to leave, but froze in place before even making one complete step.

Kotaro noticed this, and was slow to turn around, as a result. After all, if it made Negi freeze up, that meant it probably wasn't good for him, either. Upon completing his turn, he found Asuna, Chamo perched on her shoulder.

"Our the uh-oh," He muttered.

"Don't get the reference," Negi muttered back.

"Don't need to."

Chamo leapt from Asuna's shoulder to his Aniki's, "What are you doing out here so late, brother? And with no pants. Points for no pants, even if in December."

Asuna had still yet to speak or move, and Negi was ok with this. So long as he didn't make any sudden movements or sounds, he would probably avoid provoking her. "Chamo," He whispered, "I stole some of your magical things..."

Chamo groaned, "Did you really need to go and do something like that? All you needed to do was ask."

"Well, I took some of them, and I tried to make a potion. The potion exploded, and now I'm covered in some sort of pheromone."

The cigarette that Chamo had been trying to light fell from his paws, down to the ground. He stared at Asuna blankly, his mouth agape. "Y-You mean...THAT ingredient...is all over you...right now?"

"Yes," Kotaro whispered back for his buddy, "And we need to know how to fix it."

"...Did you ingest any of it?"

"No, it's just on us and our clothes..." Negi replied.

"Then all you need to do is...uh...nothing..."

"Do nothing?" Kotaro growled, "Are you insane?"

"No, but I wish I had my camera...can you maybe wait here while I go get it?"

Kotaro snatched Chamo by the face and flung him at Asuna like a bullet. The rodent was dodged, however, by a simple step to the side. Asuna, now donning a rather foreboding smile, began to walk slowly towards the two boys. She began to undo the buttons on her blouse as she did, "Negi...you must have known I'd be coming here, huh?"

"If I'd known you'd be coming here I would have dressed a little better," The boy chuckled, inching into the back of the phone booth.

"I think you're dressed just about right, not counting the boxers," Asuna smirked, "And as far as coming here goes, I'm sure we can help each other with that."

Kotaro, while relatively stupid, was aware of the double entendre the word coming bore in this case. Negi, being relatively smart, was not. That meant it was time for dog-boy to save the day!

"RUN!" He screamed, grabbing Negi by the collar and speeding off with him.

And so began the chase. Suffice to say it had explosions, gun fights, closed off roads, and none of the previous three things.

As they sped around the dorms, it became clear that they weren't going to be able to ditch Asuna as easily as one would hope. That meant it was time for drastic measures!

Kotaro, using his underrated quick thinking, stripped the clothes from his body and forced Negi to do the same. He then threw them over the side of the railing, kicked Negi into a random room, and dove in after him. Asuna rounded the corner to find an empty hallway, but she could still feel the tug of the pheromones. She rushed back down the stairs and towards the discarded clothes, completely confused.

"I can't believe she hasn't found us..." Negi gasped, covering up his boyhood.

"I told you before, I can smell that stuff. Whatever it is, it's driving the girls nuts. Since so much of it was on our clothes, I thought that dumping them off would distract her. Guess I was right, huh? Lucky," The dog replied, breathing just as hard as his teammate.

"That's it!" Negi laughed, pumping a fist into the air, "We just need to wash the stuff off!"

"The baths! Of course! It's so simple!"

"Chamo-kun figured it out right away, that sneaky...Alright, so we know what we need to do!"

"Me?"

Negi and Kotaro both spun around to find the owner of the voice.

"BULL. SHIT." Kotaro's jaw dropped.

"That's just not fair. Of all the rooms in this massive place, we would just haphazardly pick this one," Negi looked Kaede dead in the face. The girl was wearing a rather intriguing Santa outfit that no doubt made Mrs. Claus jealous, "That's just not fair."

Then it got worse.

"What wouldn't be fair is if I wasn't willing to share," Kaede smiled. Her eyes were barely open, but they could both feel the piercing stare she was giving them. It cut to the boner. ...Bone, "Mana, we've got company."

"Negi," Kotaro whimpered as Mana, wearing a similar getup, stepped into sight from behind Kaede, "I think we're in trouble."

Then it got even worse.

"Only if I trouble!" Ku Fei announced loudly, also popping up from out of nowhere. Another Santa outfit...

"Be in Ku Fei? What does th...OH MY GOD!"

"What the hell are you guys doing here, anyway!?" The dog shouted, pointing a finger at the three while covering himself with his other hand.

Then it got even more worse.

"Christmas sleep over, of course!" Haruna announced, Asakura just a step behind. The little hallway in front of the door was becoming far too crowded with cute Santa-clad girls.

There is no word for how worse it got.

The paparazzi girl grinned wickedly as she added, "We even got Eva-chan to join in, this year."

That door got kicked down so hard it didn't even go down. It just disintegrated. Kotaro and Negi were running like a nuke had just gone off, and at the rate they were going they might have outrun the blast. They rushed by Nodoka and Yue, who were on their way towards Kaede's room. The two librarians were blown back by the sheer rush of blood that ejaculated from their faces.

From the ground, Nodoka whimpered, "I saw Negi-sensei's..."

"Uh huh..." Yue replied, unmoving.

"And it was..."

"Don't worry, it's really cold out..."

-

Kotaro dove headfirst at the door to the baths, but stopped midair about three inches away. Kaede had caught him by the ankle.

"NOOOOO!!!!!" He shrieked, flailing around wildly as Kaede dragged him into the shadows.

Negi suffered a similar fate, though his captor was Evangeline. "SO CLOSE! EVA-SAN! DON'T DO THIS! LET ME GOOOOO!!!!!"

"Don't worry, boya," Eva hushed him, dragging him into the darkness after Kaede, "Master has a different kind of sucking for you, tonight..."

The sound of the rest of the girls approaching hit his ears, and he knew all was lost.

"Merry Christmas, Kotaro-kun..." Negi cried.

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 05 - Completed - Time elapsed - 1:53:36**

**- - -Objective 06 - Completed**

**Mission status - Complete; Darkside awaiting further orders...**


	11. Mission 10, She's In The Closet

_-----Author's note: Thanks to Ambrant Arandel for the mission objectives. For those who wonder, I am using NEGIMA!? Rooming schemes in this chapter. Because I can. This story contains mature themes, and shouldn't be read if you are averse to that. Oh, and I am not a pedophile, nor do I advocate pedophile stuff, be it for dudes or girls. Warning bomb dropped. Weird that I likes me so much Ayaka, then, huh? This is not the next chapter of Death to Darkside. That will come at a later date. I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a dark comedy Negima story in over 1,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genre of comedy and drama.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Must utilize seven or more student units.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Utilize the reluctant operative, Nodoka Miyazaki. (1)**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

A mad genius. A dark lab. An evil plot. A sinister creation. All that was missing was creepy background music and lightning flashing through the windows.

A tool danced wildly under the influence of a devious plot. Laughter oozed from slightly parted lips. This wasn't ordinary laughter, however, which was oozing. It was diabolical laughter. And everyone knows that when diabolical laughter starts oozing that something bad is on the verge of happening. A certain pigtailed girl, being one of the aforementioned everyone, quickly turned her attention to the situation. Sadly, like in most situations in which oozing, diabolical laughter is involved, it was too late.

-

"Are you alright, Negi-kun?"

Negi's violent shiver came and went, but the feeling of exasperation and doom lingered. He turned to look at Konoka, who had been happily making him breakfast. The aforementioned act made not just his day, nor his week, month, or even year, but his life. He gazed at her, confused, for a few seconds, then asked, "Have you ever had this feeling...Like your day was going to be a series of unfortunate, but completely foreseeable and sadly unavoidable, problems?"

Konoka laughed, something that surprised our young English friend. With a shrug to accompany it, she replied, "Every month, Negi-kun."

"Oh, bollocks, today is gonna suck."

-

Despite the undeniable feeling of doom and oncoming failure in terms of life, Negi found himself standing outside of his classroom. Much as they often tend to do, the seconds were ticking by, and he was well aware of them. Each one brought the inevitable scream of the bell closer, which is something he was also well aware of. Since he didn't want it to happen, however, the seconds were quickly labeled as a hostile third party. You can bet if they were an enemy he could physically handle, he'd be in fatigues and handling them like a sailor on shore leave in a brothel.

Alas, the seconds wound up the victor of this imaginary battle. The bell rang. It was time to go, and he was now officially late. Swallowing his confusing trepidation, the young boy reached out for the door.

"Hello, class! Sorry for cutting it so close, there, I sort of spaced out, and...uh..." Negi dropped the whole overly cheerful facade for a moment when he saw that no one was paying him any attention. They were all kind of smothering Nodoka, completely surrounding her seat. The boy, perplexed as to why Nodoka's seat of all the potential seats was suddenly the popular one, muscled his way through the swarm of girls and found out.

Nodoka had failed to properly dress for the day. Once she came into his eyes, Negi found himself suddenly still and moderately perplexed. He tilted his head to the side, his eyes becoming much like sponges, and the girl becoming much like water.

Ayaka, wishing she suddenly had the consistency of water, thrust a finger at Nodoka and barked as eloquently as one can bark, "Nodoka-san, what is the meaning of this!? Negi-sensei, please look away, if you would kindly..."

"And why should he?" Nodoka replied coolly, "Does it make you uncomfortable that I'm not in uniform? Or are you jealous?"

Now, there are few things that can perturb Ayaka that do not pertain directly to young gentlemen. These things consisted of midget fights, animated sexuality, fetishes towards old people, and silly talk of magic from intelligent to only mildly retarded people. Odd, all of that sounded relatively common in her life. But anyway, she could now add to that list 'the word 'coolly' being accurately used in association with Nodoka'. Midget fights be damned.

The sudden acquisition of the 'cool' aura was not lost on the rest of the class, either. In fact, they all felt rather compelled to make time in their schedules for the day to hang out with her. It should be noted that by 'make time' it is meant that they planned to blow off studying.

And so the barrage of questions, offers to chill, and collective mayhem of 3A took off like an immigrant towards the border. While this was going on, however, Nodoka and Negi took little notice. Negi was busy taking her in, from the feet up. And no, she wasn't as naked as one might have previously thought. Knee-high onyx boots, black stockings, a purple skirt that was so small it must have been Yue's...Yep, Negi was definitely a legs kind of guy. He found looking above her waist was harder than a priest at a playground. While Negi was busy with burning the image of her into his mind, Nodoka was busy enjoying the process of being burned into someone's mind.

Before anyone noticed the lack of Yue and Haruna in the room, or even before anyone other than Ayaka thought to question Nodoka's blaring violation of the dress code, the class was lost to the commotion. The two never really did get to speak...

-

_Nodoka's day; Misa, Sakurako, and Madoka._

The four girls were out on the playing fields, decked out in cheering uniforms. Even Nodoka had been given one to sport, which she was currently doing rather well.

"Those look good on you, Nodoka!" Sakurako cheered while running circles around the other three. It seemed someone had forgotten to take their ritalin, that morning.

"Thanks," Nodoka replied, "I wish I had a big butt like yours, though. Then it'd look even better."

Sakurako tripped on a clump of air and fell on her face.

The three ignored their grounded friend and made it the rest of the twenty some feet to the sidelines. They sat down on the bench, and Madoka pulled out a few sticks of gum, which she shared with the others.

"Thanks, Madoka!" The two said in unison.

Misa gave Nodoka a hairbrush and turned around so the librarian could give her a good brush. She began to do as much, but asked, "Is it really ok for us to do this? Shouldn't we be cheering on the players, or practicing a cheer, or something?"

Misa shrugged, "This is how we always start. The players seem to like it just fine. Well, the boy players. Thank God for coed play."

"Mm," Madoka hummed, "I love this flavor. Berry Blaster forever!"

Nodoka nodded, chewing vigorously, "It's really good, but is it ok on your throat?"

"Um, what do you mean?"

"Oh, well, I just thought that with your cold it might make your throat a little sorer."

"I...I don't have a cold, Nodoka, I'm fine!"

Nodoka glanced at her, then returned her focus to Misa's hair, "Is that so? I thought your voice sounded a little huskier than normal..."

"Uh," Misa started, "That's not a very nice thing to say, Nodoka!"

"I-It's ok," Madoka stated, standing up and backing off a step, "I just uh...I need to g-go to the bathroom. I'll b-be right back, k?" With that she trotted off towards the changing rooms.

"I wonder what that was all about?" Nodoka mumbled, chewing hard.

"You know she's sensitive about her voice, geez! I should probably go and talk to her..." Misa started to get up, but Nodoka set a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sure she's ok! Besides, I haven't finished with your hair, yet. It's so pretty, let me finish?"

The cheerleader eased back down, so Nodoka kept brushing, "You really think so, huh? Lots of boys say that, too."

"It really is pretty. I wish I had long, shiny hair like yours. When I grow mine out, it just gets really messy," Nodoka admitted. She started blowing a monstrous bubble.

Misa laughed, "What can I say, I'm lucky! My boyfriend tells me all the time how pretty it is. Sometimes I wonder if he'd even give me a second look if I didn't have such nice hair. ...Wow, we're kind of talking a lot about my hair, all of a sudden. There are only so many words for 'pretty', so why don't we talk about something-"

POP!

Nodoka's bubble exploded all over the top of Misa's head, coating her violet hair in sticky pink gum. Both girls were quiet for a second, then Nodoka said, "Oops."

-

_Negi's day; Misa, Sakurako, and Madoka_

Negi knocked on the counselor's door, and Shizuna welcomed him in. Inside, he found a sobbing Misa, who seemed to be missing most of her hair, save for a few patches. Sakurako was running in place, eating a salad, and Madoka was sitting quietly in the corner, tears in her eyes.

"Um, what happened here?" The boy asked.

"Well..." Shizuna grinned weakly, "It just seems to be a little bit of teenage insecurity, is all. ...Except for Misa, she got a bunch of gum in her hair. We basically had to shave it all off."

"I'M U-U-UGLYYYYYYY!" Misa wailed, wondering where the nearest paper bag was.

With a gulp, the boy asked, "And, um, what did you call me here for?"

"Well, Negi-sensei, they are most certainly your students, aren't they?"

"They most certainly are that, Shizuna-sensei."

"So I figured you would be the best person to call to give them a pep talk!"

"Shizuna-sensei," Negi sighed, "I do seriously want to help, but you seem to have neglected two things."

"And what are those, Negi-sensei?"

"They surely have other teachers, and I'm a ten-year-old boy."

"Oh, just get in there and try!" Shizuna shuffled behind him, and pushed him into Misa.

Negi looked up at her, and she back down at him. He cringed at the notion of saying anything, and unfortunately it showed in his face. Misa's crying doubled in ferocity, "NEGI-SENSEI THINKS I'M U-U-UGLYYYYYYY!"

She flung the frightened boy away and into Sakurako. The girl kept running in place, and Negi only bounced off of her. He asked her, "What exactly are...you doing, Sakurako-san?"

"I'm trying to lose weight!" The blonde replied, pouring some dressing on her salad from a packet.

"Oh, well," Negi smiled pleasantly, "If that's what you're doing, you should know that salad dressing can often have a lot of fat in it, so you're really not doing yourself any favors by eating that!"

Sakurako stopped jogging, turned to Negi with big, wobbly eyes, and said, "But salad tastes so icky plain!"

"W-Well, I was just pointing out...But you don't need to lose any weight, Sakurako-san! I think you look beautiful, as you are!"

"R-Really?" Sakurako asked, eyes getting a little less wobbly.

"Of course! If anything, you could stand to gain a few pounds!"

Shizuna clapped a hand to her forehead as Sakurako started bawling and claiming Negi said she was anorexic.

The boy, completely perplexed and frightfully misunderstood, snuck over to Madoka and sat beside her, "U-Um, what seems to be the problem, Madoka-san?"

The girl said nothing, and instead used a little chalkboard to write down, "I sound like a truck driver."

"What's wrong with that?" Negi asked, grinning stupidly.

Madoka added a word and an arrow to insert it so that the message read, "I sound like a male truck driver."

Negi waved her off, "Oh, don't worry about something like that! Honestly, I hear so many cute, high pitched, adorable voices from all of the rest of 3A...Really, I find the grunginess of your voice is a nice change!"

Madoka was still for a moment, then erased the message on the little chalkboard and wrote out a new one. She showed it to Negi. It appeared to be a crying chibi of Madoka. He then looked up at the girl to find big fat tears falling from her eyes.

"Shizuna, I thought you were smart..." Negi cried, hanging his head low.

-

_Nodoka's day; Chizuru and Natsumi_

"Thanks for inviting me to the observatory with you guys," Nodoka smiled warmly at her two friends, who returned the smile.

"Not at all, we're glad to have another friend! Right, Natsumi-chan?"

Natsumi nodded, "Yeah, it makes things more fun when you have more friends!"

Chizuru opened up the door, and they stepped into the building. Inside it was rather dark in comparison to the bright sunlight outside. It took Nodoka's eyes a moment to adjust. She followed after the tall girl.

"So do you know why Yue-san was absent from class this morning, Nodoka-san?" The tallest girl asked politely.

"Sorry, I've no idea," Nodoka replied just as politely.

She was soon led into the center of the building, where an impressively large model of the solar system revolved along the walls. The center of the room had a rather large telescope, which shot up through the ceiling and pointed up towards the sky.

"Wow, those are huge!" Nodoka exclaimed, watching the planets circle the room.

"Yes, though they're rather small in comparison to their real-life counterparts," Chizuru laughed.

"Hm? Oh, no, I wasn't talking about the models," Nodoka laughed a little.

"Eh?" Natsumi's eyes turned into white dots as they often tend to do. She should probably see a doctor about that.

"Oh, I see!" Chizuru laughed, "Well, like I tell Natsumi-chan, just eat healthy and be patient!"

"CH-CHIZUNE!" Natsumi squealed in embarrassment.

"Oh, don't worry about me!" Nodoka waved at the two, "I'm more worried about poor Chizuru..."

"Why poor me?" The mentioned girl asked, smiling brightly.

"Well when I'm at the library, a lot of the time I'll hear boys talking about you and all the bad things they want to do to you..." Nodoka gave her a serious look, then returned her attention back to the revolving planets.

"I-Is that so?" Chizuru failed to give a lighthearted smile, that time.

"You mean WITH her, right?" Natsumi interrupted, about as red as her hair.

"Sure, that's what I meant," Nodoka mumbled back.

Natsumi looked at Chizuru, who seemed to be uncharacteristically shy and abashed all of a sudden, then to Nodoka, who seemed rather preoccupied with Venus. "Um, wh-what about me?"

"What about you?" The librarian asked back.

"D-Do you ever hear any boys talk about...me?"

Nodoka put her hand to her chin and thought for a moment, then shook her head, "Nope. I've never heard any boy ever mention you. I can't imagine why, though..."

Natsumi brought one hand up to her messy hair and the other to poke at her freckles, "M-Me neither..." She laughed pitifully.

"You know, suddenly..." Chizuru started towards the door, "I kind of don't feel like hanging out at the observatory. I'll see you two later!"

"Y-Yeah, me too," Natsumi echoed the sentiments, and the two ran off.

-

_Negi's day; Chizuru and Natsumi_

Negi watched as the cheerleaders shuffled somberly out of the room. He had an odd feeling of sadness and relief as they left. That little taste of relief lasted about as long as a soldier in a free whorehouse, however, as Natsumi and Chizuru both entered right after. They didn't look too happy, either.

A dialogue began between the three women in the room, and Negi, being a genius, tried to use this opportunity to sneak out. Shizuna, being not blind, caught him in his attempt and directed the girl's attention to him, "Negi-sensei, I think your students could use some reassuring words, right now."

Of course, both girls spun around to find Negi on his stomach, trying to crawl through the door as though there were invisible barbed wire preventing him from running. He hopped up, smiled broadly, and asked, "What seems to be the problem, Chizuru-san? Natsumi-san?"

"Negi-kun," Chizuru started, stepping up in front of him, "Do you want to do bad things with me?"

No room in the history of rooms had ever been as quiet as that room was, then. If there was a prize for being the quietest room, this room would win, walls down. Negi turned to look at Shizuna, whose jaw was dropped. She didn't seem like she was going to be much help, so the poor boy turned back to Chizuru, who was still waiting for an answer.

"Could you repeat the question?"

"Do you want to do bad things with me, Negi-kun?"

"Now, when you say 'bad things', you mean...vandalizing stuff, right?"

"Yes."

Negi let out a massive sigh of relief. No sigh in the history of sighs had ever been so full of rel-

"Like my body," Chizuru finished.

Again, Negi looked to Shizuna for help, and again, he was screwed about as hard as any girl in any anime that has anything to do with tentacles. Which should never be watched. By anyone. Ever.

'_Ok,'_ Negi thought, _'Let's be careful, here. Misa was upset because she thought she was ugly. Sakurako was upset because she thought she was fat. Madoka was upset because she thought her voice was too husky. All of these things have to do with being attractive, in some way or other. If I tell Chizuru that I don't want to do...bad things...to her, then she'll probably be hurt and angry. If I DO tell her I want to do...bad things...to her, she'll probably feel better, but I'll lose my gentlemanly status. Shizuna is here, too, so I might get in trouble. And I guess 'might' suddenly has the same meaning as 'definitely'. Then again, she's looking pretty dumbstruck, right now, so...'_

"Ch-Chizuru-san...I uh...I w-would like to...d-do b-bad...things of a bad nature...of a naughty nature, I mean, with you..." He stuttered and stumbled through the effort, feeling more than a little awkward admitting that to her face. Uh, LYING that, to her face, he meant.

SMACK!

Negi's head whipped back as he made a half-turn ala Jack Sparrow, having just been bitch slapped by Chizuru. "Even Negi-kun's a pervert! I hate all boys!" Chizuru cried, fleeing from the room.

He didn't even have time to recover before Natsumi was in Chizuru's spot, asking him her own question. Unfortunately, it sounded somewhat familiar, "Negi-sensei, do...do you want t-to do bad things...with me?"

Rest assured, if Negi had a gun, it would be sticking down his throat right now. Since he did not, all he managed to do was return to a proper standing position and rub the sore spot on his face. Now, what to say, what to say? Chizuru just got mad and slapped him over the exact same question, so really, it seemed obvious what he should say. Poor, poor Negi. He might be a genius, but he's a ten-year-old genius, which means he's only about as smart as a thirteen-year-old.

"No, I don't want to do bad things with you, Natsumi-san, of course not!" He stated triumphantly.

SMACK!

Bitch slapped, again.

"Even Negi-sensei doesn't like me! All boys hate me!" She cried, fleeing the room.

"I'm never going to understand women. Why couldn't Mahora be an all-boy's school?"

-

_Nodoka's day; Asuna, Konoka, and Setsuna_

"Ah, thanks for taking me out to train with you, today," Nodoka thanked the three friends she was with. They were currently out in the woods, headed towards Asuna's favorite clearing to train.

"Nah, don't even mention it, we're glad to have you!" Asuna shouted happily, "Besides, after the look you put on Ayaka's face this morning, you're practically my new hero!"

"Oh, she's just jealous that everyone's attention wasn't on her..."

"Or that Negi-kun's attention wasn't on her," Konoka suggested, wagging a finger at no one in particular.

"That seems more likely," Setsuna agreed.

The group of friends continued to jovially chat until they reached the place where the trees allowed enough space for a little combat training. Soon, Setsuna and Asuna were squaring off, which meant Nodoka and Konoka didn't have much to do other than practice with their little wands. Being that this only took a microcosm of Nodoka's rather vast attention span, she found that conversation was inevitably to follow.

"So how have you and Setsuna-san been, lately?"

Konoka finished her incantation, a flicker of fire about as powerful as a lighter kicked up, then vanished. The happy girl then looked at the librarian, saying, "Fine! We haven't gotten to do much stuff together, though, lately."

"Well she's probably pretty tired, training that hard with Asuna-san. I mean, just look at them go!" Nodoka motioned towards the furiously fighting duo.

"It really does look tough, huh? They're always talking about it, too, how much fun it is, and how much they're learning from each other."

Nodoka tilted her head a little, "Even Setsuna-san is learning? That must make Asuna-san feel really good, to hear something like that. They're becoming very close friends."

Konoka nodded, smiling widely, "I'm glad my friends get along so well. I'm lucky!"

"You are!" Nodoka returned the smile, "But..."

"But?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Forget it."

"No, tell me! I'm curious, now."

The librarian shrugged, "It's just...I hope you three can stay good friends, with them getting so close to each other. It would be sad if you turned into the third wheel."

"You need three wheels to ride a tricycle," Konoka replied with a laugh, "Don't be so silly, Honya!"

"Yeah, I know. But when you get older, you stop riding a tricycle and move to a bicycle, after all..."

The young mage thought for a second, then said, "You, Haruna, and Yue seem to get along just fine, right?"

Nodoka nodded. Her eyes narrowed a little, "Oh, of course! But Haruna's definitely the third wheel."

"Sh-She is?"

"Yeah, Yue and I ditch her every chance we get. We keep secrets from her, too."

Konoka was starting to look a little uncertain about everything, "But you only do that because she'd tell everyone about your secrets, wouldn't she?"

"That's what we say..." Nodoka shrugged a little bit, then went back to her practicing. Konoka resumed, as well, but found herself unable to focus on it, at all. After a couple of minutes had passed, she hurried over to the sparring twosome, grabbed Asuna by the arm, and pulled her off, saying she needed to talk with her.

Nodoka watched as the two stepped into the shade of the nearby trees, where they began a hushed conversation. Setsuna strolled over to her, a confused look etched onto her face.

"I wonder what that was all about?" The swordswoman wondered aloud, "We were just starting to get into a rhythm."

"I wouldn't know," Nodoka replied sweetly, "I do hope everything's ok!"

"Ah, I'm sure it is. Ojou-sama's just excited about something, again."

"Hm," Bookstore girl hummed, "I wonder why she's not talking to you about it?"

"Perhaps it doesn't concern me, at all."

"If it didn't concern you at all, then why would she not say it in front of you?"

"I don't know," Setsuna admitted, "But that's an awfully odd question for you to ask, Nodoka-san. Are you feeling alright?"

"Never better, never better!" Nodoka chirped, "I guess it's just the rumors getting to me, sorry. I feel silly, now."

"Ah, forget I said anything, Nodo...rumors? What rumors?" Setsuna's interest now sparked, and Nodoka could see it reflected in her slanted eyes.

"It's nothing really, just a silly rumor, after all. Please, don't worry about it."

"No, tell me. I'm curious, now."

"Well," Nodoka started, "You recall how Negi-sensei used to sleep in Asuna-san's bed from time to time, yes?" She waited for Setsuna to give the yes. Once received, she continued, "Well he's grown out of that, now that he's familiar with all of us. But Asuna-san sort of missed it. She couldn't crawl into Negi-sensei's bed after all the trouble she gave him for it, so she started sleeping with Konoka-san."

Setsuna started to laugh, and asked, "Who is it that told you this nonsense?"

"Konoka-san, actually."

And the guardian ceased laughing, "Why would she tell you that, and not me?"

"That's what I was wondering."

Setsuna looked over to the two talking girls, then back at Nodoka, "Did she say anything else?"

"Well, it's not really my place to say anymore..."

"Please, I want to know! If there's anything else, please don't hesitate to say."

With a hesitant nod, Nodoka said, "Konoka-san said she enjoyed Asuna-san sleeping with her. It was like having a really big, warm pillow. She told me that, now, she has to wait for Negi-sensei to fall asleep so Asuna-san can lay down with her, because she can't sleep without her there."

"That sounds like..."

"This is just between us, ok? I don't want people to think I'm helping to spread rumors..." Honya frowned, "Are you ok, Setsuna-san?"

Setsuna didn't respond, but instead continued to stare at Asuna and Konoka, who seemed to be having a rather intense conversation about who knows what.

"I actually need to get going," Nodoka stated, hurrying off, "I need to meet up with Kaede-san and the twins! I'll see you later, Setsuna-san!"

-

_Negi's day; Asuna, Konoka, and Setsuna_

"Are you gonna be alright, Shizuna-sensei?" Negi asked, poking the stunned teacher on the forehead to see if she'd respond at all.

"I'm alright, I'm alright," The woman stated, "Just very, very confused."

"I wish I was just confused. Would you like to take my nausea and unfathomable terror?"

Shizuna didn't get to respond, as Asuna flew in through the doorway. She hit the opposite wall and slid down, where she remained in a sitting position for a few seconds.

"Asuna-san!" Negi shouted, stepping towards her, "What's going on?"

He spun to face the door, where a steaming Setsuna was standing. It appeared she was the assailant in this case. Negi's suspicions were proved accurate when the raven-haired girl lunged at his red-headed roommate. He would have sworn he heard a wildcat screaming, then.

Asuna picked this rather timely moment to recover and launch her own attack, grabbing the folding chair Madoka had previously been sitting in and swinging it up into Setsuna's face. After throwing the chair at the recoiling girl, Asuna dove at her, and the two were soon pulling each other's hair and screaming at each other.

"Holy crap!" Negi shouted, stepping over to them and trying to break them up. He failed, predictably enough, and was hurled out into the hall.

Konoka rushed past him and into the room, shouting, "Set-chan! Stop! It only happened a couple of times!"

"Wow, it was actually true?" Nodoka's voice entered Negi's head, and he turned to look for her. Sure enough, she was a few yards away, wearing the clothes from that morning. Kaede, Fuuka, and Fumika then walked past him, as well, each one muttering to themselves.

"I will not say de gozaru, I will not say de gozaru," Kaede was chanting. She was also wearing thick glasses and holding a studying guide.

"I don't want diabetes!" Fumika cried, waving around a stalk of broccoli.

"I don't want herpes!" Fuuka cried, waving around a stalk of cauliflower.

"Cauliflower battles herpes?" Negi wondered, confused as all get out.

"Negi-sensei, are you ok?" Nodoka asked, helping him up.

"I'm just fine," The boy assured her, dusting himself off, "I'm more worried about how everyone else seems to have completely lost it. ...You're feeling alright, right, Nodoka-san?"

"Never better, never better!" Nodoka assured him, "But..."

"...But what?"

"Yue-san's been missing since this morning. I don't know where she went, and I'm starting to get worried. Can you help me look for her?"

"Yue-san's missing? Of course I'll help you look for her! Any ideas where she might have gone?"

-

Their search was a long one. Naturally, they went to Library Island, first. After scouring it and its first couple of floors, however, they turned up no trace of the missing girl. They then searched the bookstores around town she frequented, and even the ones she didn't, few though they were. Not a sign of Yue to be found. The people they asked had no idea. They'd either never met her or hadn't seen her since yesterday, when she was looking for some philosophy book, or other. It hardly seemed important, but it was the last thing she had done before going missing.

Negi felt himself starting to panic at the potential loss of his friend to God knows what, but Nodoka never even seemed tense. Like she possessed some sort of unwavering faith that Yue was alright, wherever she was, and that they would find her, safe and sound, in due time. He could feel his chest get tight with worry, his eyes were quick to water with every 'I haven't seen this girl', and his throat got dryer with every fruitless step. But not Nodoka. You could have put a gun to her face and she wouldn't have blinked, so strong she seemed.

"Why is that?" The boy finally asked. The two were taking a little rest on a bench outside the last bookstore they had to check.

"Why is what?" Nodoka asked back, her tone gentle and her face curious.

"How come you seem so brave, right now, when I feel so scared?"

The librarian thought for a moment, before answering, though her unblinking eyes never left Negi's, "When we feel weak, the people around us we thought were weak don't look as weak as we thought they were."

Slightly abashed, Negi whispered, "I never thought you were weak..."

"Come on, sensei..."

"Well, physically, maybe a little, but there are a lot of different kinds of strength out there. We all have our strong points, Nodoka-san, and I always knew you had yours."

The girl leaned over so that her head was on his shoulder, "It seems you answered your own question, Negi-sensei."

"Did I?"

"I want to be strong so you can be strong. I want you to be able to rely on me no matter the situation. If you're afraid, then I'm terrified, but I will absolutely not show it," He felt a tear moisten his shirt, "I will be your rock. Now and forever."

Negi set his cheek on the top of her head and whispered, "You are my rock. ...I'm not afraid, anymore. I'm sure she's fine."

"I am, t-too," Nodoka sniffed, using her sleeve to wipe at her face.

They sat there like that, for awhile, quiet. It was nice. The sun continued to descend over the horizon, taking away the helpful light. Their search for the day was over. Yue was either home waiting for Nodoka, or who knows where. Negi prayed it was the former.

"And Haruna doesn't know where she is, either? I know I've asked before, but..."

Nodoka muttered a no, "I asked her earlier today, and I called her on her cell four times. She's said no each time."

"Is that so...Well, please try calling Yue's cell phone one more time. I'll take you home, come on."

-

Yue listened sadly as her cell phone continued to vibrate along the floor. It had long ago shook out of her pocket, and it danced noisily along the ground with every call after. It was such a grim noise. Like a large, dying wasp beating its wings against the floor as hard as it could. It seemed menacing. But it was the only accompaniment she had, bound and gagged on the floor. She had her own sock stuffed so far down in her mouth she couldn't even grunt for help. Tape was wrapped around her lips and neck, as well, to keep her as still and quiet as possible. Her arms and legs were duct taped together, so all she could do was stare up at the bottom of the bed she was currently stashed under. The pillows stuffed around her didn't help her limited mobility, much, themselves. She couldn't do any wordless spells, and she didn't even have her wand, to begin with. She was trapped until her captor decided to let her go. She was glad to be able to say that she was unharmed. Other than having to go to the bathroom really bad, she was alright.

Sadly, torture doesn't have to be physical.

Her eyes drifted in the direction of the sound of a door opening. She blinked a couple of times. How late was it? Three? Maybe four in the afternoon? Later? She had no idea. For all she knew, it was already tomorrow.

-

"Would you like to come in?" Nodoka asked sweetly, stepping aside so that her beloved teacher could enter, "I could make you a cup of tea, at the very least."

"That's alright," Negi replied with a little bow, "I really should be getting back. Asuna-san's going to wonder where I am, enough, as it is. ...Assuming Setsuna didn't kill her..."

"No, please. You helped me a lot today, please let me try and repay some of your kindness. Even if by such a small amount."

The teacher shifted his weight from one foot to the other, then back, "Just one cup?"

"You'll not be missed in the least," The student shot him a crafty smile.

"Then let's have it, Nodoka-san!" Negi grinned back, entering her room. She closed the door behind him, then set out to make them a couple of cups of tea. The teacher slipped his shoes off, and gingerly made his way into the room.

"Just go ahead and sit anywhere you like," Nodoka urged him, though her back was to him.

Negi hadn't sat for lack of room to do so. The little table in the center of the room was clean, as was the area around it, so that wasn't a problem. The two beds were also neatly kept, though void of pillows, so if he was desperate he could sit on the edge of one of those. But something didn't feel right, and that was what kept him on his feet. It was a sort of palpable tension. Like someone or something was trying to warn him of some danger; some foul play.

"Negi-sensei?" Nodoka asked, slowing down enough to turn and look at him, "Aren't you going to sit?"

Negi looked at Nodoka, and she right back at him. Neither one moved, neither one spoke. Steam issued forth from the kettle as the water started to heat up. He was bothered by something, but didn't know what it was. The answer, he thought, might be right in front of him. If he searched in her eyes hard enough, might he discover what was causing this odd sense of foreboding? He had felt something similar that morning, he recalled. A shiver, a chill. From Nodoka? That hardly seemed possible, as there wasn't a fiber in her body that wished anyone any form of ill. The feeling in the air, a near tangible sense of someone crying out a warning. Nodoka's hair gradually shifted from the slight tilt she was at. He was acutely aware of each strand as it passed over her eyes, each nigh-invisible shadow it cast across her face. He had to be imagining things, but...

The kettle started to scream.

Nodoka didn't move an inch to tend to it until Negi sat down at the table. She then, jovially, spun around and continued to prepare the tea.

"Nodoka-san," Negi asked in a rather low tone, "Why didn't you wear your uniform to class, today?"

"It's simple, really," Nodoka replied happily, swaggering over to sit beside him with two smoking cups of tea, "I decided that I was going to strike out and get what I really wanted in life, no matter what."

"What is it that you want, if I may be so bold?"

"You may," Nodoka smiled, turning red, "Though I'm pretty sure you already know."

Negi turned a tinge red at her comment, himself.

They went about sipping their tea in silence. Negi honestly wasn't sure what to do, or say. If Nodoka meant he was the thing she wanted, then what? What was he to do about that? Allow himself to be taken, or try to get away from it? Hide from a girl who had feelings for him, or embrace those feelings? She had told him before that she loved him. Did he love her, back? Was that feeling from before...was he anxious about this? Was she the cause, all along?

"Negi-sensei..."

The teacher snapped out of his thoughts, turning to look at Nodoka. She was on all fours, leaning in towards him.

"I love you."

He sat there, stunned. It was a lot like the first time she had said that to him. He didn't know how to react. Mind as blank as a never-before-used chalkboard, he did nothing as Nodoka pressed her mouth over his. They kissed for a few seconds before she ran her hand through his hair and inched back. The boy suddenly realized something. He had never seen a prettier girl in all his life.

"Do you love me, too?" She asked, hand still on the back of his neck.

Released from his momentary stupor, the teacher set his hands on her shoulders and went in for the kiss, himself, this time. It turned out to just be a little peck on the lips, but he didn't pull away very far, so Nodoka pulled him back in for a third. She tried to push herself on top of him, but at the same time he tried to push her over. They wound up standing up and stumbling over onto her bed. It took an abnormally long time for Negi to realize what he was doing, and just how high it ranked on the ungentlemanly chart.

Pushing himself up like he were ready for a pushup, Nodoka beneath him, he whispered, "I can't...We can't do this."

"But why?" Nodoka asked back, breathing hard.

"It's wrong...You're my student...It's wrong..."

The girl put a hand to his chest, and whispered, "So stop."

They remained in that position until Negi pulled himself away from her stare and stumbled off of the bed. She watched him as he stopped at the door, silently, mirthlessly.

'_Please just leave...' _Yue whimpered, cheeks wet with tears and red all over from frustration. She could make out the soles of her teacher's shoes from beneath the bed, and she could practically feel that wretched glee from above her.

Slowly, Negi turned the lock.

-

Ku Fei, made of cute and caramel, sat outside her dorm room and looked around. In one hand she held a phone, in the other a meat bun. Why? Because she was hungry. Oh, but surely the phone is of more importance than the meat bun. The phone was so she could call her roommate, who was still off doing heaven knows what. Unfortunately, so far, she'd had no success.

Then the door to the room beside her own opened up, and Negi stepped out. Yeah. Negi stepped out. Of Nodoka and Yue's room. At well past curfew.

"Negi-bozu!" The girl exclaimed, pointing at the boy.

Negi turned whiter than a Goth with a computer-equipped basement. It sounds impossible, but that's how pale he got.

"YES!?" His voice cracked as he barked in response.

"I smell something..." Ku Fei stated simply, tapping her chin in thought.

"Meat bun?" The boy offered, his face getting damp.

"No. More like sweat and violation..."

"WHAT'S VIOLATED!?"

"I explain?" Ku Fei took a bite out of her meat bun, then through a full mouth asked, "You seen Haruna, today?"

Relieved that Ku Fei's tiny attention span didn't allow for further accusations, Negi answered, "No, I haven't seen her. Nodoka-san spoke with her on the phone, earlier today, but I haven't actually seen her."

"Really? She lucky, then. I been trying call her all day and she not picking up."

Negi frowned, then asked, "When was the last time you saw Haruna-san?"

"Last night. She went see Yue," The girl motioned at the door behind him, "Then she not come back. I thought she stay the night, so I go to sleep. Then she not show up for school. I not get to talk to Nodoka about it, since she so busy being popular all day. She not answering her phone, and I can't find Yue. I getting worried."

"But that's crazy. Call Haruna-san again, Nodoka-san got through plenty of times..."

Ku Fei did as she was told. Voice mail. "It weird," She mumbled, "Haruna say that Nodoka was going some convention in Osaka. That why she spend night with Yue, I figured. Look like Nodoka change her mind, after all."

Negi now remembered that Nodoka said she was going to be absent. He had forgotten all about it when he saw her wearing those clothes, and apparently everyone else had let it slip from their minds, as well. But what did that mean? He spun around and opened the door, "Nodoka-san?"

Nothing.

He looked around the room, but aside from the messy bed, nothing was out of order. Nodoka didn't appear to be there, anymore. How she had gotten out of the room without using the door confused him. She must still be in there. Ku Fei hopped up and followed into the room after her teacher, and the two began to search the room. Aside from a sketch of Nodoka on the desk, everything looked about normal.

"Why bed so messy?"

"DON'T ASK ME!" Negi squeaked, kneeling down to look under the bed in question. He froze when he saw what was stashed under there.

From up on the bed, Ku Fei said, "Hey, I find someth...Eeewww, it all sticky..."

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - (1) Dark Nodoka; Completed**

**Mission status - Complete; Darkside awaiting further orders...**


	12. Mission 11, Obelisk

_-----Author's note: Seraph, don't read this story. If you thought stories of mine before were Azure-biased, then you will loathe this story with an unbridled passion. I will miss your review, but this is not a good story for you. Also, I DID watch Yu-Gi-Oh! Back in the day, and I DID have the cards. I'm not ashamed. They're buried somewhere in my house, too. This is not the next chapter of Death to Darkside. That will come at a later date. I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a perverted Negima story in over 2,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of comedy and action.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Warn fellow operative Eternal-Longing not to read this story.**

**- - -Objective 04 - One of the girls must have relentless orgasms.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Complete objective four.**

**- - -Objective 06 - Complete objective five.**

**- - -Objective 07 - Contents of objective not available to the public eye. Three days permitted to meet objective. Mission update; Objective disclosed at the conclusion of the mission.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"So...why are we all here, again?"

"You have a horrible memory, Sakurako. It's almost like you just asked that stupid question as a convenient way to get me to recap what's happened up to this point for the sake of explaining to some viewer, or something."

Chizuru strode by the cheerleaders, stating in a sing song voice, "There's no such thing as a stupid question, Misa-chan!"

"She just asked me why we're here. Chao explained it like, a million times before we left," The violet-haired girl replied pointedly.

"Oh," Chizuru continued in her pleasant tone, "Forget what I said, then."

"Chizune, that's mean!" Natsumi whined.

"Oh my, no it isn't. Lying would be meaner..."

"We're here to test a new device for Chao and Hakase," Yue stated in her typical monotonous manner, "We all came because they're offering ten-thousand yen to each of us, courtesy of the robotics club research funds. See? I answered her question and saved everyone the time. You don't need to make things so complicated, Misa-san."

Before Misa could argue, conveniently enough, Chao called out to the mass of 3A, "We're here!"

Everyone gave a little cheer, as they were prone to doing at every given opportunity, whether it be deserving or not. Hakase, beside Chao, pushed a button beside a mostly pointlessly big steel door, which caused it to slide open, "If you would just enter this room, now, please!"

Like sheep being herded to the slaughter...I mean, like sheep being herded into a pen filled with grass and clover, the girls did as they were told. As they marched to their doom...I mean, their...undoom, Chao and Hakase continued to talk to them.

"We've brought you here to test a new invention, as we've discussed."

Misa gave Sakurako an annoyed look, which the blonde girl returned with a wink and an outstretched tongue.

"Now, this weapon is very cutting edge and experimental, but we think-"

"WAIT!" Fumika called out, raising a hand. She was short enough that basically no one could see her, anyway, but she still raised it, "You brought us here to test a weapon?"

"Yes. Now, we think-"

"WAIT!" Fuuka called out, raising her own hand. She was tiny enough that pretty much no one could see her, but it was raised, "We're here to TEST the weapons, right? I mean...USE them?"

Chao rubbed her temple and asked, "Fuuka, would you give a machine gun to a chimpanzee?"

"Um, no?"

"Then why do you think Hakase or I would?"

"I am not a monkey!" Asuna shouted from somewhere in the girl mass.

"You most certainly aren't a monkey," Ayaka offered from wherever she was in the estrogen ocean, "You just sound like and drag your knuckles like one."

"Do you people want us to explain the weapon or not?" Hakase asked nastily, "Because we're gonna be using it on you."

"...When did you climb way up there?" Asakura muttered, pointing up at Chao and Hakase, who were now safely behind a thick wall of glass about a story up. Yeah, it was a pretty big room.

Now speaking through an intercom, Hakase said, "This weapon will not kill you. ...We think. It's designed to stun your opponent, not hurt them, so you should all be safe. ...We think."

Chao continued, "It's a specially designed combination of science and COUGHmagicCOUGH, excuse me! To put it in stoopid terms so all of you can understand, this weapon is designed to cause all of the right glands to secrete all of the right things at a much faster and much more intense level than they could ever normally. It tricks your mind into a false bliss. The sensation that it hits you with is meant to paralyze you."

"Uh," Makie took her turn raising her hand, "Are there stoopider terms?"

Chao opened her mouth, but Hakase raised a hand to silence her, "I got this one. The most basic way to say it is that this weapon is designed to force you into nonstop, overpowering orgasms."

If you've ever been to a comedy club, think of that one nerdy white guy who got up on stage and cracked a few jokes about robots. That's how quiet this room was.

"We've called it: The Dioptric Insemination Laser; Dynamic Obelisk the seventh!"

"What the hell happened to one through six!?" Chisame barked, already an unhealthy shade of red.

"Tested and failed!" Chao laughed.

Setsuna looked at Ku Fei, who looked away, muttering, "We not talk about it..."

"Dioptric Insemination Laser...Dynamic Obelisk?" Akira whispered to herself.

"D.I.L.D.O," Zazie stated, wondering what was within the vicinity for her to juggle.

"Am I the only one kind of weirded out by the usage of the word 'obelisk' in this thing's name?" Yuna raised an eyebrow.

"I-I'm more worried by the whole 'insemination' part..." Ako admitted, trying to hide behind her basketball adept friend.

"I'm more worried about the NONSTOP, OVERPOWERING ORGASMS!" Madoka shouted.

"That's like robot rape!" Chisame concurred.

"Wait, what?" Chachamaru perked up.

"Why are you testing this on us? Why not some animals, or...why not some animals that don't so closely resemble functional human beings?" Mana wound up having to change her words, what with 3A being so much like a zoo, half the time. Half the time means all of the time in the real world.

"Testing it on animals!?" Sakurako squeaked, "Like kitties?"

"For example," Mana shrugged.

"Nooooo! I don't want this thing used on my cats!"

"Why the hell not?" Haruna asked, Nodoka quivering behind her.

"NO! No catgasms! NO!"

"Well, if your cats could hear this, they'd probably think you were an asshole. Sign me up, you two!" The mangaka flashed the two mad scientists a thumbs up.

"H-Haruna..." Nodoka whimpered, tugging at the back of her friend's shirt.

"Oh, relax! Just pretend it's Negi-kun. Just pretend really, really, really hard."

"Please don't say 'really hard' right now," Misora shook her head, "I swear to God, you people don't think before you open your mouths."

"Speaking of opening our mouths," Konoka waved her hand around in a little circle, "What exactly do we have to do?"

"O-O-O-O..." Setsuna stammered pretty badly, and only managed to get out the 'O' in Ojou-sama.

"Yep," Chao nodded vigorously, "good ol' Set-chan got it right!" She used Konoka's favorite nickname for her friend.

"How is 'O-O-O-O' right?" Konoka asked, still not given the answer to what they must do.

"I'm gonna go ahead and take a wild stab at it and say that she means you're basically supposed to let your eyes roll up in the back of your head," Evangeline offered, crossing her arms.

"O face," Zazie said rather monotonously, juggling her shoes, along with Yotsuba's.

"It's the Dioptric Insemination LASER. It's a laser," Hakase sighed, "You don't do anything but get shot by it."

"Sounds just like the real thing," Asakura snickered.

"Our goal is to cause the victim to have crippling orgasms that last up to an hour."

Kaede, much like her two small friends had before her, raised her hand when she spoke, "This doesn't seem very effective, to me. Couldn't someone just keep running or whatever if they were having a...one of those?"

"Decidedly not," Hakase folded her arms, "It was said earlier that it increases the productivity and intensity of the hormones released from the glands. If we've gotten it right, you'll be lying on the ground, convulsing and drooling."

"Oh, damn!" Asuna laughed, backing away a little bit, "When I signed up, I didn't know I was signing up for something like this! I would like to kindly take back my offer to help...and stuff...you go ahead and keep your money!"

"Oh, you can't leave," Hakase grinned wickedly, "OBELISK THE TORMEN...oh, wait...OBELISK! COME FORTH!"

While Chao mumbled something about how she was going to cut Hakase off of Yu-Gi-Oh!, the monstrous room in which 3A was currently located began to shake and tremble. The ceiling split in two, opening up to allow a panel to descend. The panel stretched from one end of the room to the other, and apparently had sliders. What appeared to be a seven foot long rifle was situated in the center of the panel, above the center of the room. The rifle began to spin around, showing that it had full rotation. It also looked to be able to slide up and down the room on the sliders. Who would have thought?

Chachamaru's jaw dropped as she stared up at the most titillating slice of sexiness since the i-pod. She shivered in excitement at the thought of the nano. What a dirty little thing...

"Wow," Yuna eyed the rifle appreciatively, "I'd like to wrap my fingers around that boom stick."

"You'd probably blast yourself in the face..." Mana groaned.

'_That sounds so terribly wrong,'_ Yotsuba stated blandly.

"Isn't that a little too large for practical combat use?" Setsuna asked, pointing at the huge weapon.

"It's the black model," Chao shrugged with a grin.

The entire class tipped their heads back and went, "Ooooohhhhh..."

"OBELISK! ATTACK THEIR LIFE POINTS DIRECTLY!"

"OH CRAP!" Makie yelped, running away from the now humming rifle.

"EVANGELINE!!!!! DO SOMETHING!!!!!" Asuna shrieked as she, too, turned tail to run.

"I AM doing something!" Evangeline growled. And, indeed, she was doing a lot of something. Chachamaru currently had her thrusters out and was trying to rocket her way up towards the charging rod of orgasmy doom. Evangeline had her by the ankles, and was holding on like a champ.

"Master, let me go!" Chachamaru pled, "I must go to him!"

"Chachamaru, I am serious! Cut this crap out, right freaking now!"

"I need my D.I.L.D.O!"

"NO YOU DON'T!!!!!"

Asuna could see that Evangeline was a bit too busy to assist. Part of her, deep down inside, knew that the vampire wouldn't help them, anyway. She couldn't do too much, herself, what with not wanting to expose magic to her entire class. That automatically forbade her from summoning her artifact. So who could help them get out of this mess? To her left, Setsuna.

"Ojou-sama! This is bad, we have to take cover!"

"Set-chan, come on! It's just one little blast from an orgasm beam, and we get ten thousand yen!"

Both girls stopped moving, and Setsuna put her hands on Konoka's shoulders and looked her dead in the face, "That is the weirdest thing you have EVER said. But I will not allow you to whore off your body for money! There must be another way..."

"You could destroy the Obelisk and then give me ten thousand yen so I won't be sad?" The headmaster's granddaughter suggested pleasantly.

"No! I will take your shot, for you, Ojou-sama! Then I will give you the ten thousand for it! I will protect your innocence, no matter what! ...What's that look for?"

"You just want two turns with the doodle machine!"

Setsuna was very adept at looking aghast, and she showed it by looking incredibly aghast, right now. "O-Of course not! That's completely untrue!"

To her right, Mana.

"Nope, sorry. They docked all of my firearms at the door. ...Got any change?"

"No dice, no change," Zazie mumbled, still juggling.

"We are screwed."

"Almost literally."

Behind her, Kaede.

"Sister Kaede, use your ninja powers to save us!" The Narutaki twins shouted, waving their arms around like little crazy girls.

"Ninja? Who's a ninja?" Kaede asked, rubbing the back of her neck.

"NOW'S NO TIME FOR JOKES!" Fumika screamed in a shrill, frightened tone, "My first time is supposed to be with Negi-sensei!"

"Bitch, please!" Nodoka shouted at the girl, stomping on over, "Sensei is MY man!"

"I didn't say I was going to be HIS first!"

In front of her, a pulsing rod of energy, ready to explode at any moment.

"WE'RE DOOMED!" Asuna bawled, rushing for Ayaka.

Ayaka caught her pigtailed friend in her arms, and the two hugged for a moment before she said, "I'll hold your hand."

"Can't I just use your body as a shield?"

"No."

"Ok, hand's fine."

The Obelisk erupted, and a beam of white hot energy blasted towards the girls. The girls in danger of being struck all dove out of the way. None of them were very enthused about their first time being at the clutches of a heartless machine. They already knew that meant they'd have to wait until at least after highschool, and they had made their peace with it. Except for Haruna. Had Yue not flying kicked her in the face out of the way, she'd be damned to an hour-long orgasm, right now. Yue was the best kind of friend imaginable.

The Obelisk was far from out of juice, however. It continued to shoot out massive streams of shimmering energy at the rate of about one shot every two seconds.

Setsuna dove in front of Konoka, swinging her blade faster than most eyes in the room could follow. The streak of light was severed in two, and the attack sped harmlessly to the ground.

"How the hell did you do that!?" Chisame yelled, "That's impossible!"

"We're fighting a weapon called the DILDO that is designed to give us orgasms, and you're questioning how the bit with the sword is impossible?" Yue asked, tackling Haruna out from under another Obelisk blast.

"Actually, a dildo is a-" Kaede cut Chizuru off by clapping a hand over her mouth and jumping away from yet another energy blast.

"They're just going to keep dodging it until it overheats..." Chao sighed, shaking her head, "This sort of feels like a waste of time without locking them down in one spot."

"I told you we should have brought the duct tape," Hakase groaned, "But don't worry! I'll activate Obelisk's special ability! By sacrificing all of my life points but one, I can give him REAL ULTIMATE POWER!!!!!"

"Uh, isn't that the golden one? The phoenix dragon thing?"

"Oh, is it? You see, I get those things confused, sometimes, they don't have the rules written on them, and I mean I swear it's like it gets made up on the spot...BUT I INSTALLED IT ANYWAY!"

Hakase punched through a plate of glass that contained a button labeled 'REAL ULTIMATE POWER'.

The Obelisk stopped shooting sticky wads of photon lasers, and the panel retracted back up into the ceiling.

"Well that wasn't so tough," Asuna grinned stupidly, still clutching onto Ayaka.

Then the panel returned, this time bearing enough Obelisks to stretch from one wall to the other. They were sized differently and were each closer to or further away from the panel so that each one still had full rotation.

"You just had to say something, huh?" Ayaka sobbed.

"HAHAHA!" Asakura started laughing so hard she had to bend over. She pointed up at one of the Obelisks that could only have been four inches long, "It's the Asian model! HAHAHA!"

"That's a stereotype..." Misora stated, shaking her head. She couldn't help but crack a smile, though.

-

"Kotaro," Negi started gently, "Have I ever told you how happy I am that I'm British?"

"Have I ever told you how happy I am that you're not a girl?" Kotaro replied with a question of his own.

"Uh, no, why?"

The second boy swung a fist into his friend's face, knocking him over onto his back. "No reason."

-

"There are fifty of them," Nodoka gasped.

"And if they each shoot at a rate of one per two seconds..." Yue murmured.

"That means there will be one hundred beams shot every four seconds..." Haruna finished.

"Machinery like that, even experimental, shouldn't need to stop to cool off for at least fifteen minutes..." Chisame added.

"With fifteen minutes as the estimated time of firing, there will be eleven-thousand-two-hundred-and-fifty beams to dodge," Chachamaru whimpered gleefully, staring up at the glory.

"Wow, math has a practical use after all," Makie whispered, watching the Obelisks take aim.

"Uh, Set-chan, I don't think I want to get blasted by that many blasters..." Konoka admitted, ducking behind her guardian.

Haruna even thought twice about this one, "I don't know if I'm ready for mechanical bukkake to the max..."

Setsuna looked back at Konoka, who seemed genuinely perturbed by the oncoming orgasm onslaught. That did it. It was time to show why canon characters would always be more Mary Sue than Original Characters, and that they would always be able to get away with it.

"Everyone! Get behind me!" The guardian commanded, raising her sword.

Everyone did as directed, and even Evangeline managed to drag Chachamaru over to the general 'behind Setsuna' area.

"Setsuna," Mana tapped her on the shoulder, "You do realize that this is really, really not likely to work, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"No, I mean this is REALLY, REALLY not likely to work. This is like trying to use a cotton swab to assassinate a hundred well armed and well trained soldiers in ten minutes."

"Maybe next time don't use an example of something that you've already done, before!" Setsuna grinned.

"Just saying," Mana backed off, smiling back. She didn't bother to ask why Setsuna had been allowed to keep her sword, while she had to give up her guns. She already knew the answer. Setsuna was a main character, which meant she got away with that kind of crap. What are you gonna do?

Safely tucked into a corner with Setsuna at the front, 3A awaited to see what fate would befall them.

"IT'S TIME TO DUEL!!!!!" Hakase roared.

The Obelisks fired.

-

"I wonder where all of the girls went off to, today?" Negi wondered aloud.

Kotaro shrugged, "I don't know, but damn, Negi, why are you always thinking about them, anyway?"

"Why aren't YOU always thinking about them?"

"What?"

"Yeah, you think about that one."

-

"Wow," Konoka wiped her brow as she stepped through the facility door and back out into the sunshine of the day.

"No freaking kidding 'wow'," Asuna concurred, wiping the sweat from her forehead, as well.

"That was amazing," Nodoka gasped, sweat gliding down her face.

"Absolutely incredible..." Yue murmured.

"Master, let me go back!" Chachamaru begged, trying futilely to break free from Evangeline's grip and get back into the facility.

All of 3A spilled out onto the pathway outside what was practically Hakase's home, said what they had to say, then went on their ways back to the dorms, or club activities, or whatever they had left for the day. And they all lived happily ever after. Until...

Asakura began her walk home, then realized something. "Where's Sayo?"

-

"I can't believe Setsuna managed to deflect all of those beams. How she ever moved that fast, I will never understand," Hakase sighed, tending to the overused Obelisks.

"Worse still, we don't know if the things work, or not. I guess we'll just have to try again, another time. Come on," Chao bid Hakase down from the platform she was on to mend the tired machinery, "Let's take a break and get something to eat. There's always later."

Hakase obeyed, and the two soon left the room to grab a well deserved bite. Unknown to them, Sayo was on the floor, twitching uncontrollably and drooling puddles. Hooray for magic!

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 05 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 06 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 07 - Obtain ten reviews, or obtain a review from fellow operative Azureshot. Status - Failed.**

**Mission status - Failed...**


	13. Mission 12, Bye Bye Bye

_-----Author's note: Thanks for the mission objectives goes to Eternal-Longing, Seraph. ...All ten of them. This one turned out much, much more difficult than I thought it would. That's what happens when you don't even have an idea to start with...I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create an action Negima story in under 1,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of action and adventure.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Unable to utilize Negi Springfield or any of his students.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Must use the word 'Slay' seven times.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Must include an anachronistic object.**

**- - -Objective 06 - Allowed a maximum of three scenes, three battles, and only one battle of words.**

**- - -Objective 07 - Must not take place on the Mahora campus.**

**- - -Objective 08 - Must have some semblance of a plot.**

**- - -Objective 09 - Unable to breach the fourth wall.**

**- - -Objective 10 - Must finish within one hour of beginning.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"You know how I don't hit girls?"

"Uh huh."

"Yeah, you're kind of pushing it."

Kotaro Inugami was not one to mince words, and those words were definitely not minced. ...Well, not minced too badly. It sounded nicer than the 'shut your pie hole, woman' that was in his head.

Sakura Mei had managed to convince Kotaro to help her be rid of a certain nuisance that had begun to plague her. Mei used the word 'begun' loosely, as it had been about a month, now, she just didn't want to trouble anyone about it. She turned to Kotaro because, unlike Negi or her sister, he would use violence to solve the problem. Like money, violence made everything better.

"I just said that..." Mei started, but trailed off when she caught the nasty look in the boy's eyes.

The two marched towards the World Tree, where this plague had asked to meet with Mei. They were almost there. No doubt the vile creature wanted to suck her face off, or some sort of other completely non-innuendo action.

"You said that I was better for this because I would use violence, not like that big old softy, Negi!" The dog growled, his ears twitching.

"Did I say that out loud? Awkward..."

"So what's this guy like, anyway? The pervert with a fetish for little people?"

"I am not a midget!" Mei stamped her foot and turned beet red.

"Funny, I don't remember calling you Yue. Back on subject though, sister."

The girl shrugged a little bit, looking away, "He's tall, blonde, and looks like he was cut from marble."

"Like that one guy that was in N'Sync?"

Mei didn't say anything for a minute, then asked, "You DO sleep with the Naba girl, right? I mean, just checking."

"Just tell me about this jerkoff, would you?" Kotaro wished he could erase the last thirty seconds from his mind. Mei's mind, as well.

"I would tell you," She chuckled nervously, "But we're here, so you go on ahead and scope him out yourself."

And scope young Kotaro did. The man was wearing a tuxedo, of all cliche things for one to wear while meeting a young girl at a gigantic magical tree, and had both hands in his pockets. Tall, blonde, and cut from marble. Very accurate. He was even hearing This I Promise You as he stared at the attractive person.

Mei stopped humming when Kotaro gave her a blank, albeit obviously annoyed, look.

"Alright, fruitcake!" The boy shouted, stomping up to his temporary nemesis. It was time to prove he could be just as tactful as Negi to this stupid girl.

"Fruitcake?" The man echoed, looking down at Kotaro, "Can I help you with something?"

"Yeah," Kotaro thumped the man's chest with his finger, "You can stay away from my girl, got it?"

The man blinked a couple of times, then asked, "Your girl?"

"Yeah, MY girl. If I hear you've so much as breathed within fifty feet of her, I'll ram my fist down your throat and tear your lungs out," The boy growled.

"Well, would it be alright if I held my breath whenever I was close to her?" The blonde asked politely.

Now it was Kotaro's turn to stand there and just blink, "What?"

"I love her so much that if being close to her means not breathing, then I don't need to breathe."

"But you have to breathe, don't be an idiot."

"Do I really have to?"

"Yes. You have to breathe, or else you'll die."

The blonde smiled down at the little terror and said, "I've never been able to breathe when she was within fifty feet of me, and I'm still alive."

"Then you've obviously stayed fifty feet or more away from her, because I haven't torn out your lungs, yet," Kotaro poked him in the chest again.

"Well, consider this," The blonde said slowly, "If I am within fifty feet of her, I'll die from having no air. If I'm further than fifty feet away from her, I'll die from a broken heart. I suppose if I'm right at the fifty foot mark, I'll have a strange mix of both. So what do you suggest I do?"

"So you're telling me that no matter what, you're going to die?"

"That's what it looks like."

"Then you should do what makes you the happiest, of course."

"Do we consider dying to be a bad thing?"

Kotaro nodded, "Of course we do. It's the worst thing that could happen."

"So," The older one continued, "Since the worst thing that could happen is going to happen to me no matter what, I should be as happy as I can until it happens?"

"Of course!"

"So I should do the thing I want to do the most before I die, whether it be from a broken heart or from suffocating?"

Kotaro nodded even more vigorously, "Of course, of course! We're all gonna die sometime, so might as well do things right while you're still alive!"

"And are you the kind of person who would get in the way of someone trying to be happy, and to make other people happy?"

"No way!"

"Then I think I will propose to her," He said rather offhandedly, pulling out a little box, "Since you say that you won't interfere, and that I should do what I want to do the most."

"Damn straight you will! ...I mean...Wait..." Kotaro stopped to think, realized thinking was his problem, and then just gave up. He slugged the man in the face, sending him flying away. Unless he had Keitaro in his veins, he was probably dead somewhere a mile away.

Mei skipped on over and gave Kotaro a pat on the shoulder, "See what I mean? Violence makes everything better. Yuna will be very pleased."

"Uh, what does Yuna have to do with any of this?"

"Hm, she asked me to stop Serizawa-san from proposing to Mana-san. Yuna's not ready for that to happen, just yet..."

Both froze when they heard a gun load from behind them.

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Failed theme**

**- - -Objective 02 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 05 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 06 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 07 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 08 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 09 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 10 - Completed - Time elapsed - 56:12**

**Mission status - Failed...**


	14. Mission 13, Stony Terrain

_-----Author's note: Thanks for the mission objectives goes to Eternal-Longing, Seraph. I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a Negima story in any amount of words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of comedy or action, or both.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize Fate's Enforcer, Serac.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Utilize either Nekane Springfield or Takane Goodman.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Must complete mission within one hour of beginning.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"Where could you possibly be going?"

"N-Nowhere special, just out to see a friend...So...Bye bye!"

Nekane spun on out of the room, leaving her friends behind. They surely would understand why she would leave them, so, if they knew why. Only she couldn't really tell them why, because it sounded weird. She kind of wished she could just say 'I have a date with a boy', but it didn't really work that way. Don't misunderstand, she certainly didn't have a date with a girl, but all the same, it was different.

The lovely elder Springfield skipped her way out into town, into the gossip and chatter of the world, and moved through it like it were cool, limpid water. Through the village, into the fields, over the hills, and towards the setting sun she skipped. The tall grass around her swayed and curled in the wind, catching in her hair and caressing her face. It was a lovely place to be. It was even lovelier because of who was waiting there, for her.

"Hello," She sighed, coming up from behind her company, "Did you wait long?"

"Not as long as you might think," The man replied simply. He did not move to greet her, and did not seem as though he really cared she was there at all.

"Are you ready to start, then?"

"Of course. Now, listen and listen well..."

And listen she did. She loved listening to him, after all. His voice was stern and sometimes overbearing, but only because he spoke with such unwavering certainty that everything he said was undeniable truth. He really believed he knew everything that there was to know, and could teach her everything there was to know about magic, and people, and life, and everything in general. Every day at seven in the evening, she would trot out to meet him at this exact spot, and he would teach her something new. He tried to look and act like he didn't care about much, but she could tell better. No matter what, he was always waiting for her out there, which meant he had to care a little bit. About her, at least.

Nekane, let's face it, was a beaut. Long blonde hair, a figure Natsumi would kill for, and kindness to boot. She broke the mold. She knew was attractive, and knew it because she'd been asked many, many times. She currently held the record in Britain for 'most times asked out in one day'. If you need a number, just think higher than ten and lower than one thousand. Somewhere in there. Coincidentally, she also held the record for 'most times turned someone down in one day'. The same number as from the first record applies.

But this one was different. He didn't look at her like he wanted only one thing. In fact, he didn't seem to want anything at all. It was only a give relationship. She came to him, and he gave her information, his time, and his company. Nothing more, and nothing less. Surely she in turn gave him her company and her time, but somehow, his seemed so much more important than hers did. What else could he be doing, other than teaching her? Maybe nothing. Maybe in that sense, she did have her purpose. She was giving him something to do.

"If I am to show you this stone, you can agree that it is a stone, correct?"

Nekane paused her lengthy inner monologue for a moment, looked at the outstretched rock, and nodded. "I do believe it is a stone."

Using magic, her company sliced the rock cleanly in half, "Now I have divided the stone into two different, yet equal, pieces. Is it still the same stone?"

The girl looked at the pieces of rock in her friend's hand, then looked up into his chilly cobalt eyes, "I ask you, if I do something to you, would you still be the same person?"

The man looked blankly at her, and she at him.

"If I were to, say, kiss you, would you still be you, afterwards?"

"My knowledge of men tells me that, no, I likely will not," He replied sourly.

"So I could do things to you to change you?"

"Thinly veiled innuendo will do you no good, Nekane," The man stated.

Nekane shrugged, "But you answered my question, for me. If I can do something to you to change you, then surely you could do something to the rock to change the rock. Like splitting it in half."

She assumed the man to be displeased with her for getting him to answer his question for her, but he gave no indication that was the case. He took the two pieces of stone in his hand, and clenched them in his fist.

"So, you say that we can take one thing, and make it into something else?"

"Yes, I do. If you know what to do to change it. Like with litmus paper."

He unclenched his fist to reveal a pretty little ruby, which he handed to her, "Then it logically follows that, because I know how to change it, I can make this stone into a gem."

"Wow," The girl muttered as she accepted the shimmering jewel, "That's incredible..."

"Even though these two things are different to us, a rock and a ruby, aren't they made of the same thing?"

The blonde nodded, "If you mean atoms and such, then yes."

"And even if I break a rock into two pieces, they are still made of the same thing, correct?"

"I suppose. You don't really change the atoms, or anything like that."

"And that was the point of the stone example."

Nekane began to circle around the man, her hands clasped behind her back as she did, "But not everything is like a rock. People are different, for example. You can change people."

The man nodded, "Surely you can change their minds on certain things, but you cannot change people."

"People are people, of course, but what do you consider a person to be? Their physical body or their immaterial mind?"

"What you believe to be the truth is more important."

Nekane sighed, "That's not really an answer..."

"Then you do not get one."

"You're so mean..." She plopped down onto the ground to watch the sun continue its descent over the world. Soon it would give way to the stars and the moon, and the day would be over. It was pretty, but it was also sad. "Sit with me," She patted the ground beside her.

The man did as he was bid, and watched with her in silence as the darkness steadily grew. The wind slowly grew cooler, and it didn't take long before she was leaning up against him for warmth. Lot of good that would do her.

"Why are you always so cold?" She asked, though she didn't remove herself from him.

Unmoving, the man replied, "Why are you always so warm?"

"Well, I just sort of...am."

"Then I 'just sort of am' as well."

Nekane smiled at this. He had got her back for that question bit, earlier. "Hey, why do you come out here to see me, anyway?"

"Because I am supposed to."

"Hm, did grandfather hire you, or something?"

"No."

"Was it someone else?"

"No one hired me to do anything with you."

The girl thought for a second, then asked, "Then what did you mean by 'supposed to'?"

He glanced at her through the corner of his eye, and replied, "That I am supposed to."

She conked him on the head playfully, groaning, "That's not helpful at all..." She laughed for a second before asking somberly, "So...does that mean you don't do it because you want to?"

Then it was quiet. She couldn't really hear him breathing, and he didn't move much. Or at all. She shivered, whether from excruciating embarrassment or from the cold all around, she wasn't sure. She did, however, find herself under a blanket. He was good, even if impassively cruel. Then he did something she didn't really expect.

"There are worse places I could be."

She smiled, snuggled in, and looked up at the stars, "So would you say there are better places you could be?"

"Do not push your luck."

The girl laughed sweetly and closed her eyes. She felt her friend lose his balance as she did this, so she swept around in front of him and gave him a kiss on the mouth. The man fell backwards, she on top of him. After a few seconds, she pulled back. Her lips and tongue were numb, but at the same time she was on fire. She could feel her cheeks burn brightly.

He looked up at her, his eyes just as blank as before, and muttered, "First the ghost, and now you. My brother and I need to have a talk."

She frowned, not sure what that meant, and asked, "Do you think...We could ever be together?"

"I cannot be with anyone," He replied coldly, still beneath her.

Though it hurt to hear him say that, it also filled her with a strong sense of desire. She had something to fight for, to reach for.

"Then I guess I'll just have to change you."

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 05 - Failed - Time elapsed - 1:02:51**

**Mission status - Failed...**


	15. Mission 14, Fallout Chapter 10 Point 5

_-----Author's note: Thanks for the mission objectives goes to Midnight Sleeper. I will now show him how to bite the bullet, as he put it. Only not so much, because I am barely awake. I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Except for Clyde, he belongs to Midnight Sleeper. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a humorous Negima story in over 2,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of comedy and romance.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize the unfortunate operative, Clyde Metro.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Must complete the mission by one am, January 23, 2008. Assigned on January 21.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"So, what exactly is IN those drinks that made them get all messed up?"

"Water."

"Water did?"

"It's IMPORTED water!"

"From where?"

"...Mexico?"

Asakura followed after her classmates, Yuna and Clyde, camera at the ready to catch anyone doing anything embarrassing for blackmail purposes. Not that she was the type of person to look for such opportunities. Certainly not. At any rate, this is basically what was going on:

Clyde is a boy. Clyde is her classmate. Why? Because that was what all the cool kids were doing. Joining schools exclusive to the opposite sex. If you did not do this, you were a loser. Clyde, being of the not loser variety, quickly became her classmate. Clyde is a mage. Clyde is a trouble-magnet. Clyde wound up making Yuna, Negi, and Ako his partners. Clyde dabbles in magic, because Clyde is a mage. Clyde makes some magic potions. Clyde doesn't get enough sleep. Clyde puts the potions in the fridge disguised as soda. Clyde has thirty-one female classmates. Clyde doesn't take into account that girls get thirsty. Clyde says they can get a drink from the fridge. Clyde hops the class up on some trippy bong water. Clyde doesn't own a bong. Clyde realizes the next day that he made a mistake. Clyde tells Negi. Negi has a panic attack. Clyde gives him some pills. Negi calms down. Clyde tells him they were placebos. Negi has another panic attack. Clyde explains that he has an antidote for the potion. Clyde rallies up a possy to lynch the girls who drank his potions. Clyde says the antidote will cure them of their weird ways. Clyde says it will also erase their memories. Clyde likes convenient cure alls. Negi likes Konoka. Konoka likes Setsuna. Setsuna likes Asuna. Asuna likes Takamichi. Takamichi likes Mana. Mana likes Serizawa. Serizawa likes Mei. Mei likes Kotaro. Kotaro likes Chizuru. Chizuru likes Natsumi. Natsumi likes Ayaka. Ayaka likes Negi. And these are the days of our lives.

"Wow," Asakura grimaced, "We need more boys up in here."

"Sorry?" Ako peeped up, but just barely.

The paparazzi girl stared her nurse buddy down, and asked, "So who do YOU like?"

Have you ever done something really small, but wish you could take it back REALLY badly? Like, you're hammering a nail in, and you accidentally smash your thumb because you blinked at the wrong moment, or something? Or maybe you aren't looking when you reach for that chip while trying to smooth talk that cute girl at a party, and you dunk your hand into the dip? Maybe you accidentally got down on one knee and held up a ring while trying to regain your balance? Well, Ako just had one of those moments.

She glanced at Clyde.

Clyde raised an eyebrow.

Asakura grinned evilly.

Yuna looked on blankly.

Sayo looked from one to the other to the other.

"Did I miss something?" The mage asked dumbly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"NO!" Ako blurted out at the same time Asakura shouted, "YES!"

Yuna folded her arms, "Did either of you two drink the water from Mexico?"

"My stomach HAS been acting up," The nurse admitted.

"Maybe it's because you're holding in some deep, shameful, passionate, ferocious sexual desires and it's making you ill?" Asakura offered in a politely offhanded way, though her off-hand was motioning towards Clyde.

"N-NO! THAT'S NOT IT!" Ako yelped, about as red as a crayon fresh out of the pack.

'_Oh, damn, this could be bad...' _Clyde thought, putting his thinking hat on. Also known as the pimp hat of Baltimore, _'If she did drink one of the potions, she might have gotten one of the lust ones. Lust, gluttony, greed, pride, wrath, envy, and sloth. ...Why didn't I just make a whole bunch of lust ones? NO! No impure thoughts, right now. That comes later. Right now...'_

"Hey," Clyde set his hand on Ako's shoulder, and Ako about died from the added rush of red to her face. It was like a crayon, before, but now it was basically a color all its own. Megared. The boy smiled, and asked as nonchalantly as he could, "Do you have immense, unbearable, explosive, sexual desires for me?"

Rather than being good friends and stopping Clyde in his investigation, Ako's classmates simply turned their curious gaze upon her. This did not persuade the megared to fade. Eyes wobbly with embarrassment and chin quivering in terror, she opened her mouth just barely to speak.

"I..."

She was mercifully cut off, though, when Sayo asked, "Do you guys hear that?"

This, of course, meant that no one at all had heard it until it had been pointed out. Now that it was out there in the pointed out air, though, they all took rather great notice of it.

"It sounds like someone is in pain..." Ako murmured, looking around for the source of the noise.

"Yeah, that's what it sounds like," Asakura mumbled back sarcastically.

"Oh, geez," Yuna laughed, "Now I feel stupid. I thought it sounded like somebody was doing the do..."

"NOW she feels stupid," Sayo grinned, though she was hiding her face behind two tightly squeezed fists, "It sounds so bad!"

"How do you know what sounds bad and what doesn't?" Clyde asked, rather confused that probably the most innocent member of 3A somehow knew what 'bad' sounded like.

"Well, I HAVE been here for sixty years, after all..."

"No doubt she's born witness to some vile act of a naughty nature at some point in time," The redhead nodded.

"At first I thought he was stabbing her in the-"

"AND that is enough information for me!" Clyde clapped his hands over his ears and wandered off in the general area he thought the sounds were coming from. They were awfully loud, he wondered why they hadn't heard them before it had been pointed out? He also wondered how he was going to locate the sounds with his hands over his ears. Luckily for him, Yuna was there to take him by the arm and lead on.

After a few seconds of walking, the girl stopped at a door and mouthed something to her willingly deaf friend. He shrugged and replied, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU."

The basketball player grabbed his arms and pried them from his head, "I said this is Sakurako's room, geez."

"Sorry, who?"

"Sakurako. Cheerleader?"

"Oh, right, the one with the long hair."

"No, the one with the short hair."

"Has a sort of heavier voice than a six-year-old girl?"

"No, not her. The other one. The one with the big butt."

"OH! The blonde one!"

Yuna sighed, "Had you at big butt, huh?"

"It doesn't hurt that we methodically cancelled out the other two, but yes," Clyde pressed his ear against the door to better hear the sounds coming from within, "This suddenly feels like a really lame anime. Or worse, a fanfiction."

"Pssh," Yuna snorted, laughing, "Who would write a fanfiction about you or me?"

"HA!" The mage joined in her snickering, "Good point. We're about as exciting as that one tv channel that always has house remodeling going on."

"Yeah, but lots of girls are into that kinda stuff..."

"I never said girls had good taste, my dear."

"Hey, I'M a girl!"

"SH!" Clyde hissed, listening as hard as he could. Yuna buttoned her lips and did likewise.

It sounded like...

"Groping?" Yuna whispered.

"How the hell do we know what groping sounds like?" The male asked, genuinely confused.

"And...tongue?"

"Wait, there's absolutely no way you could know what that sounds like. And come on, through a door?"

"Wait, and...no shirts?"

"Ok," Clyde backed off of the door and pointed at Yuna, "You're just playing games with me, now. There's no way that you could know that stuff just by listening through the door."

"Hold on..." Yuna continued to whisper, her face worked up into an odd scrunched manner of intense focus, "And a webcam..."

Clyde had heard enough. Sure, it was fun to think about, but really, it had its limits. Using his massive kicking power, he swung his foot up into the door. ...Only to find that kicking doors down hurts really bad when the door doesn't go down. Yuna took this action (Coupled with the rolling around on the ground that followed shortly after) as a sign for her to open the door. She twisted the knob and pulled the door open. Clyde made a mental note to not try and kick down doors that opened outwards, again.

He hopped off of the ground like it suddenly became hot, took two stormy steps into the dorm room, and then stopped everything. He stopped moving. Yuna stopped moving. Sakurako stopped moving. Misa stopped moving. Time stopped moving. Clyde would have thanked Time, but Time was kind of busy burning the image of what was happening in that room into his mind. Clyde decided Time was smart.

Sakurako and Misa were both on one of the beds, both were on their knees, and both were doing what must have been mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. It couldn't have been anything else. There was no way it could have been anything else. They were on a bed, with no shirts, arms wrapped around each other, and faces about an inch apart, right now. They were both looking at the intruders through the corners of their eyes. Both were red, but Sakurako was grinning whereas Misa was looking a little horrified. Little usually implies something small, like a dingy, but this time it implies something large. Like the Titanic.

"Uh..." Yuna started, but Clyde held up a hand to silence her.

"Wait."

"Um, seriously..." Yuna mumbled.

"Wait."

"C-C-C-C-CLYDE-KUN!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!?!?" Misa shrieked, even though she was trying to stay quiet so as to avoid drawing attention from any others that might be wandering out in the halls.

"Using all of my bodily abilities and willpower to stave off the massive nosebleed until this is imprinted into my mind forever," The blonde replied, the red dripping down from his nostrils.

Yuna whacked him on top of the head, and blood gushed from his nose like something that gushes really hard. "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!?"

"Each other?" Sakurako offered helpfully.

"OH MY GOD!"

"Please don't tell my boyfriend! He'll want in on some of this!" Misa squealed.

Clyde, who was still recovering from losing enough blood to start his own blood bank, grabbed Yuna by the ankle and asked her from the floor, "Wait...how did you know they weren't wearing shirts...just by listening through the door?"

"I'm a girl, I told you," Yuna shrugged, "We hear everything. That's why when a guy says 'I'll call you tomorrow' we expect them to do it. Because we HEARD it. I can hear what you're thinking, too, you pervert."

"Dear God..."

Sakurako gave Misa a shove, which caused the girl to topple off of the bed and onto the floor. Yuna didn't feel all that compelled to gouge Clyde's eyes out because both girls still had their bras on, but it was also because she didn't have a spoon handy. Yuna caught Sakurako, who had lunged at the floor-ridden Clyde.

"What the HELL are you doing!?"

"Nothing, right now!" Sakurako yelped, trying to wriggle free of her friend's grasp, "That's the problem! I'm coming, my blazing rocket of love!"

Clyde, who was first and foremost a gentleman, reached out and grabbed the first thing within reach to start banging against his head to snap out of his ungentlemanly thoughts. It turned out to be a cat. Cats, for future reference, are not good for hitting yourself in the face with. After having his face shredded by the startled feline, Clyde rose to his feet and said, "I'm not going to respond to what you just said with a joke."

"I actually didn't see that one coming," Yuna admitted.

Clyde whipped out his bottle of antidote, and prepared to unleash its mighty problem-solving wrath all over Sakurako's face. Sadly, or not sadly, the peppy cheerleader burst free from Yuna's grip and tackled Clyde before the poor guy could fix the magical boo boo. He soon found that he had twice the tongue as he usually had in his mouth.

"Damn," Misa groaned, watching from her sitting position on the floor, "She must have had some oysters, or something..."

"No, she drank the water in Mexico!" Yuna growled, getting up and trying to pull the blonde off of the other blonde.

"Doesn't that just make you, you know, lose control of your bowels, or something?"

"Only if you do it right! Come on, Clyde-kun, let me show you!"

Clyde, now getting slightly afraid of what it was Sakurako actually wanted him for, began to crawl away while Yuna bought him time. Ako and Asakura decided that now would be a good time to actually help, and dove into the fray. After about three seconds with their help, but Misa and Sakurako got a spray, and were out cold.

"Well, that's just great," Clyde groaned, "How are we gonna explain all of the blood and sexual tension to everyone?"

"We're not going to," Yuna laughed, "They're not gonna remember, so who cares?"

"But no matter how you look at it, it looks like a horrible rape, or something..." Asakura grimaced, looking at the two half naked girls and then at the puddle of Clyde's nose-blood, "I mean, if I just walked right on in here that would be the first thing that would come to my mind."

Madoka decided that it was a good time to just walk right on in there.

Ako sprayed her in the face before she could shoot off the 'What the hell?' that was on her tongue.

"Great, thanks," The male gave a weak wave. He slowly pulled himself to his feet, "We'll just let them figure this one out, themselves. What could possibly go wrong? Come on, there's still more for us to do. I should probably call Negi to see how he's doing..."

"Ok," Yuna nodded, following after him, "But you should really stop thinking about the last three minutes."

"I'm not...I'm not..."

"Stop it."

"Seriously, I'm not!"

"I can hear it, geez! You're a pervert, after all..."

"I'm sorry!"

"Stop thinking about it!" She smacked him on top of the head.

"I'm trying!"

-

Misa sat up, rubbed her eyes, and looked around. Had she fallen asleep on the floor? That was weird. Groggily, she stood up and wandered over to the computer. What had she been doing? Oh yeah, she had been having a chat with her dad. She hadn't seen him in a long time, and he had sent her a webcam so they could talk with a picture to go with it. She had set it up, and they had started talking, and then Sakurako had stormed in and basically flung her from the computer. Then...Oh...Crap...

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**Mission status - Completed; Darkside awaiting further orders...**


	16. Mission 15, Burgundy, File 1

_-----Author's note: Thanks to Tsutomu Teruko for the mission objectives. Oh, and also, don't read this unless you are Tsutomu Teruko. Seriously. I am holding up my end of the bargain, and all is well in the world. Except for my sense of balance. I need to write a yuri story, now, to counter it out. I believe one was recently assigned, fortunately enough...I do not own Negima!, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Except for Howell, he belongs to Tsutomu Teruko. And except for the guy love. That belongs to Tsutomu, too. Enjoy...But only if you're Tsutomu...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a yaoi Negima story in over 5,000 words. **

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of romance and drama.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize the rogue operative, Connor Gavet.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Utilize the fallen operative, Howell J. Fitzwilliam.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Convey the Devil's Wedding.**

**- - -Objective 06 - Cling to some scrap of dignity by at least doing a good job.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"Come on, it be fun!"

"Sunshine, I think we have very different definitions of the word 'fun'."

Ku Fei had been heckling everyone's favorite emotionally constipated teacher's aid, Connor Gavet, for the better part of the last two hours. For the curious, she was heckling him to her fullest abilities to get him to go out on a date. But not just any date, ladies and gentlemen. A date of a twice the size as normal nature. That's right. A double date.

"Eating fun! We do that!" The girl squealed, clinging to Connor's leg as he tried to make for the door. Ku Fei's dorm room no longer seemed a good place to be.

"See, I can agree with you on the whole 'eating is fun' bit. Thing is, our definition of the word 'eating' is also very different," He groaned, reaching for the doorknob. He'd have gotten it, too, had Ku Fei not detached herself from his leg and grabbed him by the hair to drag him away from it.

"Only one way to eat, and that with your mouth! We gonna do it, tonight, too, and you gonna like it!"

Having been set down on her bed, Connor continued to speak in a downtrodden, mumbly manner, "Again, like what you're saying, but our definitions are all messed up. Hurry up and get on my page."

Ku Fei sat down on his lap, wrapping an arm around him. She looked him in the eye and said, "I on your page."

"Oh really?"

She nodded, grinning a little.

"Refresh my memory, how old are you, again?"

"I a year older for every drink you have," Ku Fei replied playfully.

"Mm, an older woman. Alright, go make yourself pretty. ...er. I'll go."

The Chinese girl gave him a peck on the cheek, then hopped into the bathroom to do whatever it is that takes forever before a girl is ready to go out.

Connor fell back onto the bed to better stare at the ceiling, which was the proper thing to do in this scenario. It would likely be half-past never before it was time to go, so the ceiling became the number one go-to option. Why? Because that's what badasses do. They have those moments where they just give up and lay there, stare blankly up at the ceiling, even though no one is around to see. In this case, however...

"You can come out, now," Connor grunted, "Nothing's gonna be happening anytime soon."

Haruna clawed her way out from under the other bed in the room, sketch pad in hand. After cursing under her breath at her misfortune, the mangaka dropped next to Connor. "You knew I was there, huh? What gave me away?"

"The voyeurism. It's so strong I can practically feel it coming off of you."

"...Really?"

"Nah. I saw your foot poking out a little from under the bed. ...But I'm pretty sure you'd get off watching someone else. Pervert."

Haruna shrugged, "Why deny it when I know it to be true? Innocent Negi, oh teacher of mine..."

The teacher and his pupil were quiet for about a minute, listening to the sounds of Ku Fei in the bathroom. Connor thought he heard the sound of a saw cutting through wood, but dismissed it as his imagination trying to keep him from falling asleep. ...Wait, what?

"You didn't do something to Negi, did you?"

"I didn't do anything to him. I'm the voyeur, remember?"

"Kinky," Connor muttered, eyes still glued to the ceiling. He then guessed as to the culprit, "Stutter girl?"

"Not Nodoka, actually. Yue."

"Damn, where'd that come from? I thought for sure she'd back off and let Nodoka have first licks."

Haruna sighed, "She could only bear to watch Nodoka not move forward so much. It was just so static all the time. They were never going to go anywhere...I don't feel good saying that. Everyone knows I was Nodoka's biggest supporter. But she always needed someone to be shoving her from behind to get her to take even small steps forward. Yue wouldn't do anything because of Nodoka, and I could only push her towards Negi for so long."

Connor brought his hand up to pull his bandanna over his eyes. Comfortable, he asked, "You telling me it was easier to push Nodoka aside, rather than push her forward?"

"I'm sure it sounds like that."

"I guess that means we're both sure, huh?"

The girl lazily brought her arm up and dropped it onto Connor's chest in a weak attack, "Don't talk like you know everything, Connor-sensei. Love is a very difficult thing, especially when friends are involved."

The man gently took her by the wrist, and removed her arm from his torso, "And you, you peeping charlatan, don't call me that, and don't talk to me like I'm a total stranger to relationship troubles. I've had my fair share and then some, and then some more."

"Yeah, I know. Sorry. I meant you don't know what's been going on between all of us, lately...you just don't have the full story."

"A shame, that."

"It's complicated..."

"Always is."

Connor had been having plenty of girl troubles, sadly, and was all too aware of the plight Negi had been placed in. Two girls, one guy, and a threesome was definitely not going to happen. Well, definitely not in Connor's case. Negi just needed to swing things right.

The sound of a door opening caught Connor's ears, but he didn't move to get up. He didn't feel Haruna make any such movement, either.

"All ready!" Ku Fei chirped. The sound of her hopping across the room came next, followed by her jumping on top of Connor, "Now we need make you pretty!"

Though he was winded, he caught what she said and responded as needed, "Woman, I am plenty pretty as it is."

Haruna laughed, then climbed on top of Ku Fei to further squash her teacher, "But there's so much to work with!"

"You not as pretty as in Haruna's story!"

"Well," Connor said rather forcefully, "This is real life, not a yaoi. So I'm fine."

"How'd you know it was a yaoi?" Haruna rolled off of her friend, confused.

Connor gently pushed Ku Fei off and onto Haruna. He sat up and said, "I've read your filthy smut books. And for the record, it was very realistic and all that, but I'm definitely bigger than that."

"I KNEW IT!" Haruna pounced to her desk to start drawing.

"Bigger than what?" Ku Fei asked.

"Unimportant, Sunshine, unimportant. Come on, let's leave what's-her-face to her work. We've got a date thingy to do. ...Thing. ...Just lead on."

Haruna paid no attention to the two as they left, as she was now rather enthralled in her work. She'd definitely have something to show them, later. ...Well, maybe not show Connor. Her pencil raced across the paper, but each curve and edge was flawless. Her grin grew wider as the seconds passed. Her ability never ceased to amaze her.

-

"It's not a beef bowl? Are you sure this is the right place?"

"Yep, yep. It not a beef bowl because we not let you pick..."

"I guess that means I'm not paying either, huh?"

"In your dreams, maybe not!" Ku Fei pushed her date towards the door to the restaurant they were to meet the other couple. Ah, yes, that was when Connor realized something.

As he stumbled into the establishment, his girl behind him, he asked, "Who exactly are we doing this with?"

"You not know?"

"Sure I do, I just like asking questions to hear people say things I already know. Sunshine, don't you know that about me?" He shut up when he realized Ku Fei wasn't even looking at him, rather, she was speaking with the man up at the desk to get to their table. He leaned up against the glass beside the door and took a look around. It wasn't a bad place, by the looks of it. Chandeliers, polite, hushed conversation all around, candles, guys in black touting around wine bottles, red carpet beneath his feet, pretty marble-tiled ceilings. Yep, this place wasn't shabby at all. But every man knows that however nice a place is, it is inversely bad for his wallet.

Ku Fei took him by the arm and started to lead him further into the place.

"They already waiting for us. If you not take so long getting ready, we be here on time!" She chastised him with a rap of her knuckles to his head.

"Me? It took me, like, three minutes to change, are you kidding me?" Connor asked, hardly able to believe she had just said that.

"It take you over five minutes, easy!"

The two wove in-between waiters and waitresses, and Connor did what most sane men in his position would have done. He snatched a bottle of some random wine from a waitress who just insisted on protesting. He called back to her, "I need this much, much more than you do, love. Just trust me. ...YES I am of legal age, goddamn, woman!"

"You only eighteen..." Ku Fei pointed out under her breath, redirecting so they were headed towards the corner.

"Well what's the drinking age in Japan?"

"Twenty."

"Then after five glasses, you'll be free to drink away! How many glasses are in a bottle?" He asked playfully, pulling Ku Fei back a little so that she was less leading him like a dog and more walking arm-in-arm with him. He flashed her a smile, "Still haven't told me who we're doing this with."

The girl laughed nervously, "I not tell you yet? Ha, ha..."

"Hey, you two! Over here!"

Apparently, their company was already there. What made it bad was that Connor recognized the voice that beckoned them hither. Or was it thither? Wait, there would be time to think about archaic terms later. Right now he needed to focus on the girl calling to them. What had he been expecting, though? Who would Ku Fei ask him to go on a double date with, but with someone from her class?

Yuna Akashi of 3A and Howell J. Fitzwilliam of the Student Magic Council were waiting for them at a table well tucked into the corner of the restaurant. Connor wondered why, of all places they could have been put, they had to be put in probably the quietest place. In the quietest place, with one of the most quiet, but quietly annoying guys he knew. In the quietest place, with two of the loudest girls he knew. This was just gonna be a great, big, heaping pile of fun lopped onto the friendship ferry taking him to hell. So he sat beside Ku Fei, set his bottle of wine down, and raised his hand to wave over a waiter. He knew what time it was. Time to hop onto the brandy bandwagon.

"Connor-sensei, we're not old enough to drink," Yuna grinned at her teacher after he sent the waiter off to fetch them drinks."

Connor gave Ku Fei a pat on the head and replied, "According to Sunshine, here, you will be old enough to drink after I have downed five glasses, one for each year you're missing. By then, I will also be getting tipsy, which means we are not to talk about basketball, water, martial arts, the army, rain, or meat buns, lest I say something I might regret when I can stand upright, again. And don't call me sensei, we're on a date, love."

"Can we talk about magic?" Howell asked blandly, raising an eyebrow.

"That depends. Did you bring a stack of cards?" Connor asked nastily, pursing his lips.

"Uh...no."

"Then no. Anything else is fair game, though," He grinned happily as the waiter delivered the glass and poured it right in front of him. He then, swift as though he did it for a living, set out water for everyone. He moved to leave, but Connor offered him a crisp new bill, the amount none could see, and the man decided that leaving the bottle of booze was a better idea. "We'll be needing a bottle of burgundy, and three more glasses, there, champ."

The brown-haired man looked each customer in the face, then asked Ku Fei, "How old are you, miss?"

"I twenty..." She mumbled, not making eye contact.

"She has a glandular disorder," Howell offered, eyeing the glass of water before him with distate.

"In her legs," Yuna contributed.

Connor offered up another bill, "She's pretty sensitive about her disorder. Look how red you're making her. Go on, get us the glasses."

The man, now a nice little duo of tips richer, went off to find some wineglasses.

"I not red because of him!" Ku Fei whisper-yelled, "I red because of you!"

"I haven't even done anything, yet..." The teacher shrugged, taking a drink from his glass, "But whatever. Normally you girls would be drinking like an AA escapee, so why the sudden shyness about it?"

Ku Fei shrugged, "I don't know, maybe just tonight we sort of..."

"You know, wanted to keep things kind of classy. Like we were...y-you know..." Yuna tried to finish for her friend but wound up trailing off in a similar fashion.

Connor and Howell were, let's face it, sometimes kind of stupid. Connor was definitely still not used to the whole 'sweet girl' thing that he was force-fed in well over twenty doses a day, and Howell had the common sense of a squirrel when it came to women and their emotions. Even this dense duo of dudes got what the girls were trying to say, this time.

"Like we're a real couple?" They said in unison, each looking out the corner of their eye at their respective dates.

"Well, yeah," The girls replied, also in unison.

And then the quietest part of the already politely quiet restaurant got even more quiet. All four people, even Howell, knew what had just happened. They had just been set upon by the awkward silence of doom. If it stretched on for over seven seconds, the rest of the date would be in a similarly weird and unpleasant way. That's just how it worked.

Connor, rather nervously, took hold of his glass and busied himself with draining it, refilling it, and looking at the swirling liquid. Ku Fei was suddenly terribly interested in the bread sticks in the basket in the middle of their table, and the nibbling of said bread sticks. Yuna had discovered a rather interesting thing to look at. This interesting thing was known as 'anything that wasn't her table or the people sitting at her table'. Howell was rather busy tracing individual beams of light from the candle on the center of the table through squinted eyes.

Six seconds into the silence, the albino asked, "Have any of you ever wondered why fire is hot and ice is cold?"

"Because if ice was hot like fire," Yuna jumped all over it, "Whenever it snowed everything would burn down!"

"No," Ku Fei shook her head, "We not cook anything if fire cold!"

"Yeah, we would, Sunshine," Connor took a sip from his drink, "We'd just have blocks of ice instead of burners."

"Wouldn't that be messy, though?" Howell asked, still squinting at the candle. Yuna wondered if he was thinking really hard.

"I don't know, I guess," Connor shrugged, "The ice would melt and all...but then would the water be hot?"

"Water?" The other male stopped his squinting and sat upright.

"Right, right, remember, ice is frozen water, after all," Yuna nodded.

"So water be hot, right?" Ku Fei scrunched up her nose in thought, "So...what about baths?"

"I guess you'd just use cold water for a warm bath, and...wait, I thought we were just talking about if we switched ice and fire, not water, too?" Connor paused, looking from one girl to the other for some sort of yes or no.

"Wouldn't you need little fires floating around in your drink, then, to keep it cool?" Yuna asked, using her spoon to poke at the ice in her glass, "Like a ghost, or something?"

"I not want little ghost fires in my drink!" Ku Fei stated firmly, "Little normal fires be cool, though."

"It would be pretty sweet to have fire in your drink," Connor admitted, finishing his second glass, "But you know what would be even sweeter?"

Howell locked his eyes onto Connor's and he knew that they were thinking the same thing. He said, "If they froze your favorite drink and put it in your drink to keep it cool."

Connor grinned, nodding, "That way, your drink stays cold and nothing gets watered down. I've never seen anyone do it, yet, though, and I don't get why."

"There's a place about twenty minutes from the...bad place...Akira goes that does it. Makie took me there," Howell stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Yeah?" The younger man tipped his head in interest, "Where exactly is it? You got a street name?"

"No."

"Name of the place?"

"No."

"Well then, thanks for all of the not helpfulness."

Yuna waved Connor off, "Oh, come on, he's just forgetful. Like with tv channels, sometimes words, where he put things..."

"Your birthday..." The albino added.

Ku Fei laughed as Yuna started to pull at her date's face and whine at how he wasn't supposed to bring that up. "You not forget my birthday, right?" She turned big, sparkly eyes at Connor, who was familiar with the schoolgirl-love-sparkle, and thus knew how to counter it.

He activated the Badass Indifference technique.

"Guess we'll find out when it rolls around, huh?" He asked nonchalantly, stifling his inner-self, which was having a panic attack at the thought that her birthday might be today, for all he knew. Onto his third glass.

The waiter returned, luckily enough, before Ku Fei could nag for an actual date. He handed out the glasses and menus, said he would return shortly, and just as quickly as he had arrived, departed.

"Well," Connor sighed, handing the bottle of wine to Howell, "You two ladies are currently only eighteen, but if you won't tell, I won't tell."

Yuna raised her empty glass and cheered, "To not telling!"

Ku Fei met her cheer, and Howell raised the wine bottle to join them. After a few seconds of their pose, the blonde asked, "You gonna open, or what?"

Howell blinked once, then asked, "Me?"

"Come on, Howell," Yuna grinned, jabbing him in the side, "Pop that cork and let's get drinkin'!"

Howell set the bottle down, then set to work trying to pull the cork out with his fingers. Connor watched him fruitlessly pull and twist at the little nub of wood, then poked Ku Fei in the leg. She glanced at him, and he pointed at the cork remover with his eyes, which was laying on the table by the bottle of brandy. Ku Fei grabbed the little screw, and offered it to Howell, "Try this thingy!"

Howell took hold of the silver object, looked at it for a moment, then poked the cork with it. He watched it, waiting for it to pop out, but to no avail. "It's broken," He stated simply.

"Like this," Yuna grinned, taking the screw and twisting it into the top of the cork. She then pulled, and the thing came unstuck with a pop.

"Wow, you're really very handy, Yuna," Howell said, pouring the bright red liquid into her glass.

"Nah..." The addressed girl replied, pink in the face. It was nice to be praised for something as simple as opening a bottle of wine. Howell was always good for that sort of thing.

"Way to butter the girl up, goddamn," Connor had to give it to his spacy friend, "I could almost take lessons from you."

"Sadly, I don't think it can be taught," Howell replied politely.

The basketball player whacked Howell on top of the head, then gave Connor a ghastly look, "I am not buttered up!"

"Lubed up better?" Ku Fei asked, grinning.

All three other residents of the table stared at her in shock for a minute before Connor put an arm around her shoulders and laughed, saying, "She's been hanging out with me too much..."

"No, I been hanging out with Haruna too much..." The girl corrected him, though she made no effort to move his arm.

Howell finished pouring everyone their drinks, and they all went at it. The drink wasn't much to Ku Fei or Yuna's tastes but, in the attempt to appear more grown-up and mature than they were, they pretended to like it, just fine. The awkward silence had been thwarted, and all seemed well. They perused the menus, talked about school, work, and their clubs, and basically whatever floated through their heads at the time that could be uttered aloud. Small talk, let's face it, is either very easy or very difficult to start. It's usually tougher to keep it going. When you get it down, though, you know you're in business. All four knew they were in business.

Their food came, and it looked about as expensive as it did good. Howell didn't even know what it was that Ku Fei had ordered. Connor didn't, either, for that matter. It looked like some kind of cuddly squid, or something. Well, it didn't look all that cuddly after a couple of bites, but it imprinted itself on both male minds.

Then things got a little touchy. Not the good kind of touchy, either.

"Is that..." Yuna lifted herself up into an almost standing position, looking out over the many heads of the various people in the building at one redhead in particular.

"Oh, my..." Howell lowered his head and kind of ogled his food in the hopes that they hadn't been seen.

Connor and Ku Fei both turned to look, and immediately wished they hadn't.

"What she doing here?" The Chinese girl asked dangerously.

"I don't know, I didn't say anything!" Connor shot back defensively.

"Did she see us?" Howell asked, still hovering kind of low. He didn't want any part of the oncoming bitter-storm if she had.

"Of course she see us," Ku Fei grunted, "I going to the bathroom. She better be gone when I come back."

Connor watched as his date stomped off, cute little dress and all.

"I'm going to the bathroom, too. You'd better get rid of her," Yuna advised, inching Howell out of his seat so she could get out. Both young men watched her go, leaving them to their own devices.

"Well this is just great. Do you think if I just ignore her, she'll go away on her own?" The younger of the two asked.

"I think if a baby bird doesn't do as it's mother says, the mother kicks the baby out of the nest before the baby can actually fly. Guess who the mother bird is in this case?" The older replied.

Connor sighed, standing up, "That's both horribly disturbing for our relationship, and very accurate for this situation. Wish me luck."

"Be nice about it."

"'Cause that always works," The man stated bluntly, heading towards the door where the date-killer awaited.

Lots of things were going through his mind, then. What should he say? How should he say it? What would happen if he couldn't convince her to leave? Should he just go with her? Would he rather be in here than out with her? How did she find them, here? What was she wearing? Did he look ok? What was she going to say to him? Was she here with another guy? Was he better looking than the other guy? More importantly, could he beat the other guy up? ...What did he even want?

"Hey, what are you doing here?" He asked, taking Asakura by the arm and gently leading her away from the desk. She had been bickering with the greeter, trying to get him to let her in.

"Why don't you tell me what you're doing here," The paparazzi countered, following after his tug. She was currently alright with the direction he was leading her, which was further away from Ku Fei.

They stepped outside, where Connor thought they might be able to have it out without dragging everyone else within forty feet into it. "Don't be like that. You know what I'm doing here."

"No, please, explain it to me," Asakura asked, forcing herself to sound polite, "I saw you eating dinner, but you sound like you think there's something else going on."

"I'm on a date. Don't pretend like I'm not, because I am," Connor muttered almost too quietly for her to hear, "Ku Fei doesn't want you here, so you need to go."

"Do you want me here, though?"

He looked away and said, "No."

Asakura raised her hands to his face and tilted his head gently back towards her, so that they were staring eye to eye. She whispered, "Look at me when you tell me to leave. Say it, now." Connor was quiet, because her deep blue eyes sucked the voice right out of him. She slid her hand over his face and brushed his hair away from his eyes, tucking it behind his ear, "Look at you. Look at what she's doing to you. You're not wearing your headband, you're not wearing your coat, you're doing what she says...Is this what you want?"

Connor backed up a step out of her reach, "I hate those things! I hate that goddamned coat and that goddamned scrap of cloth! You don't even know me, so don't try and tell me I'm going the wrong way with her. You don't know what the right way for me is."

"I might not know everything, but I know some things," Asakura murmured, "I know that you eat on the roof with Negi every day at lunch. I know that you hate crumpets because you think they're girly. I know that your favorite color is that orange color the sky turns right before nighttime. I know that you secretly like daytime television."

"Oh, come on..."

"I know that you're actually a nice guy, and I know how I feel when I'm around you," She stepped forward and took his hands in her own, "Don't you feel something for me, too?"

Connor wanted to say no more than anything. He wanted to tell her that she was his friend, but he didn't think of her as anything more than that. He didn't want to hurt anyone, or make things complicated. By trying to protect everyone, though, he wasn't able to protect anyone. In retrospect, he wished he had picked one person to hurt. At least that way, he could have spared the other.

Asakura raised her hands, still holding his, and got on her tiptoes to press her lips to his.

-

Howell sat all by his lonesome, fiddling with his dinner whilst sending threatening glances at his glass of water. He hoped it knew what would happen to it should it get out of line. Connor had been gone for a couple of minutes, now, and he was beginning to wonder if his friend had gone off to shoo someone away or to make out with them. Yuna and Ku Fei had also been gone for awhile, leaving him to wonder just what girls did in the bathroom. Though he understood it, this time, he could never hope to fathom why they went to the bathroom, together.

"Hey." Yuna's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. He slid aside so she could rejoin him at their table.

"So how is she?" The albino asked in a good-natured manner.

"Well, how do you think I would feel if Tessa decided to crash in on us?"

"Violent and loud immediately comes to mind," The man admitted, "Coated in a pretty gloss of uncalled for jealousy. I like to think that your patience and manners, however lacking, would make up for it, though."

He takes the handoff!

"Ooh," The girl fumed, "Don't get me started!"

"I'm not trying to, honestly. I can't stop you once you 'start'. You've still not told me how she is, though."

He breaks through!

"You weren't far off with the whole 'violent and loud' thing. She thinks Connor told her about this little get-together," Yuna groaned, "And to be honest, I don't know if I agree with her, or not."

Howell nodded a little, then said, "It is kind of odd that she'd just haphazardly show up, here and now. Do you think there's anything I can do to help? I know this means a lot to you."

He could go ALL THE WAY!

Yuna gave him a smile. She set her hand on his and said, "No, just keep being sweet like that."

Ku Fei walks right by them and towards the door.

Returning the smile, Howell adds, "Have I mentioned how pretty you look in that dress?"

HE SCORES! THE CROWD GOES WILD!

Red as a beet, the girl gives him a playful nudge on the arm, "Oh, come on...R-Really?"

Howell nods, but says, "I can't help but think I've seen it, before, though."

WAIT! There's a flag on the play! There is a FLAG on the play!

"Oh, have you? I-I got Makie to lend it to me. I don't have any dresses, of my own..."

"I can imagine that. You're not really the girly type, after all."

It's offensive holding!

"Hey, a second ago you were saying that I looked good in it!"

"You do," Howell responded quickly, "It just compliments Makie, better, because she's girly."

So they take it back to the line of scrimmage minus five yards, what a killer that has to be for this young fella.

Yuna rises to her feet, "Well if Makie is so much prettier than me, why don't you just take her out to dinner, instead!?"

"Whoa, hey, I was just saying-"

The girl grabs the glass of water on the table and throws it into Howell's face, which instantly shuts the albino up, "Have a nice night, jerk!" She shouted before stomping off, leaving Howell trembling and slightly wet.

-

"WHAT YOU DOING!?"

Connor unlatched his mouth from Asakura's and opened his eyes to find Ku Fei gawking at them like they were horrific monsters. Odd, how much he felt like a monster when he saw her.

"Wait! Wait, wait, wait!" He said, trying to walk towards her. Asakura's grip on his hands didn't allow for it.

Eyes blurry from tears, Ku Fei spun and ran off.

"Dammit, let go!" Connor wrenched his hands free from the paparazzi's and gave her an aggravated look, "What the hell's wrong with you?"

Looking hurt, she stared back at him and said, "Why don't you love me, like you love her?"

Connor covers his face with his hands and backs away, groaning. He drags his fingertips down his cheeks and clenches his fists as he begged, "Just go home. Just go home..." He turned and walked back into the restaurant, leaving Asakura outside alone.

As he walked back to his table, he wondered why he wasn't chasing Ku Fei down. That's probably what he should be doing. What would he say if he caught her, though? There was no flowery explanation for it. Asakura kissed him, and he kissed her back. That was hardly a redeeming explanation. He could say it didn't mean anything, but that wasn't true. That girl made the hair on the back of his neck stand up whenever she was within sight, and whenever they touched, well...let's just say it wasn't only hair that stood up.

He dropped crankily into his seat. It took him a second to realize that Howell was sitting to the side, facing out away from the table. His eyes were clenched shut and he was dripping from the chin. "What the hell happened to you?" Our bandana-less friend asked, "Where's Yuna?"

"She went home," Howell muttered, eyes still closed, "Which is now a place I don't think I can go for awhile."

Connor filled his glass back up with brandy, "Guess we're in the same boat, then, pal."

Howell fumbled around for a napkin, which he used to wipe himself off with. With a groan, he took his glass of wine and raised it slightly, "To being alone."

Connor tapped the glass with his own, "I'll drink to that."

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - In progress**

**- - -Objective 02 - Complete**

**- - -Objective 03 - Complete**

**- - -Objective 04 - Complete**

**- - -Objective 05 - In progress**

**- - -Objective 06 - In progress**

**Mission status - In progress...**


	17. Mission 15, Burgundy, File 2

_-----Author's note: Remember all that stuff I said in the previous Author's note? About how not to read this, and stuff? And how I even put it in the story description not to read it unless you were Tsutomu? Yeah, unless she came back to read it over a hundred times, somebody's not listening! I'm talking to you, Breadman! ...I do not own Negima!, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Except for Howell, he belongs to Tsutomu Teruko. And except for the guy love. That belongs to Tsutomu, too. Enjoy...But only if you're Tsutomu...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a yaoi Negima story in over 5,000 words. **

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of romance and drama.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize the rogue operative, Connor Gavet.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Utilize the fallen operative, Howell J. Fitzwilliam.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Convey the Devil's Wedding.**

**- - -Objective 06 - Cling to some scrap of dignity by at least doing a good job.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"So I punched him right in the face. Guy had a glass jaw."

"Then what happened?"

"Then the cops showed up and I ran like there was no tomorrow."

"Bars. Gotta love 'em."

Much to Connor's surprise, Howell turned out to be not such a geek, after all. Anyone with the stones to punch a trash-talker in a bar in the face couldn't be all dork. He was kind of surprised he wasn't the one telling the story...

Their dates having abandoned them for their considerably poor behavior, the two fellows had nothing to do, and no happily waiting friends to accept them back home. Howell might be able to slip back into his room, but he'd probably wind up duct taped in the closet, again. Connor knew he had absolutely no chance of getting in Ku Fei's room. Certainly not without a bloody nose, and most definitely not without a newly required trip to the dentist. So, they decided that since they had nothing better to do, they would drown their unfortunate night in wine, brandy, and stories of past triumphs. If alcohol was good for one thing, it was for making people do things they would later wish they hadn't done. Like ordering more alcohol, for example.

-

Connor pulled Howell's hair out of his face as he let loose another wave of vomit into the toilet.

"Man, I figured you for a lightweight, but you puke like you've been on an all-night binge," The younger one grunted, trying hard not to smell the contents of his friend's stomach.

"S-SORRY!" Howell choked out sarcastically.

Connor wondered if Howell would have had more to say if he hadn't begun to wretch violently, again. Eh, probably not. The door to the bathroom opened up, and an older man in a red vest stepped in.

"Sirs, I'm going to have to ask you to please finish up, pay your bill, and kindly leave," The man stated.

"Really?" Connor asked back, "See, I thought that after he stopped barfing all over the place, we'd hang around for another couple of hours. I do love the smell of fresh puke, after all."

"Watch your tone, sir. You're disrupting the other guests. Hurry up," He muttered as he turned and exited the bathroom.

"Yeah, Howell," The younger goaded, "Hurry up and toss your cookies so we can stop disrupting the other guests. What a dick."

Howell finally stood up, spitting into the toilet as he did, "Ok, I think I'm all done..."

"Do you feel better?"

"Well, I feel kind of dehydrated."

"Light-headed?"

"I wish. My head's pounding."

"God, you're a girl. Come on, let's get out of here."

As they left the bathroom, Connor couldn't help but appreciate Howell's aim. They hadn't gotten any of the regurgitated wine on him, which was definitely a plus. Even with the splash back, Connor remained untouched. He could still smell it on Howell, though, and wouldn't have been surprised if nearby people couldn't, either. It was probably just little specks of it, but still...

The man in the red vest was waiting by the door, and he seemed none too pleased with them. To make the man feel better, Connor gave him a friendly butt-slap as he passed him, "Cheer up, chief," He muttered as he slid his hands into his pockets, "At least we didn't break anything."

Howell, apparently not quite as done as he thought he was, spun around and dashed for the bathroom. In the dash, he knocked over a young employee, who dropped his tray full of dirty dishes. Gotta love the busboys.

"Right," Connor grimaced, "I'll pay for that."

Once at his table, it took a moment for the new bill to arrive. Howell returned as Connor scribbled down a signature and a tip then handed the bill and a credit card back.

"I must really be out of it," The albino whispered, "Because that tip looked like it had one too many zeros."

"I don't see anything wrong with a twenty-thousand yen tip."

"How can you afford that!?"

Connor laughed, "Oh, hell, I can't," He whispered, "But I'm sure that Mr...Arandel can. What kind of name is that, anyway?"

Howell nearly gagged when he saw Connor motion towards the man in the red vest who had told them to leave, "Isn't he a boss, or something?"

"I don't know, I guess."

"You don't think they're going to notice that we're paying with their BOSS'S credit card!?" He hissed.

"Nah, the scrubs never look at those things, are you kidding me? It's just swipe and go. Besides, the jerk has it coming for kicking us out."

The waiter started back over to them, and Howell wondered if he was about to throw up again from the wine or from the stress of being simple seconds away from being busted straight to jail.

"Thank you very much," The waiter smiled broadly, handing the card back, "You guys come back anytime, alright?"

"Will do, champ," Connor flashed him a grin, then stood up, "Come on, Howell."

Howell rose and followed after his trouble-making friend. He would have sworn that the floor was made of pins and needles, then.

"HEY!" Someone shouted at them.

They both spun to see it was Mr. Arandel, who looked even less happy than before.

"SHIT!"

"RUN!"

The two took off running, barreling over people in the process. Despite Howell's somewhat lanky frame, he knew how to book when it came time to book. Connor would never forget the image of the white-haired man tackling one of the larger waiters to the ground before using him as a stepping stone to freedom. They nearly broke down the doors as they escaped, then had to run for well over five blocks to escape their pursuers. Arandel was a persistent man, and they both knew that he had burnt them into his mind, forever.

They hid themselves beneath a bridge (Like most on-the-run boys would), where they laid out to catch their breath. The two remained on the dirty concrete for several minutes, just panting and laughing.

"Ah, man," Connor cleared his throat and stopped laughing, "I haven't pulled something like that in forever. Phew, I'm gonna remember this tomorrow and feel like a jackass, but that was great. You were all class, back there."

Howell swallowed hard, trying not to throw up anymore, "Th-That guy knows not to get in my way, next time..."

"Damn straight he does," Connor gave his accomplice a light punch to the arm, "Didn't know you had it in you. But damn, you reek."

"Sweat and vomit don't mix well. Who would have guessed?"

"I'm willing to bet a toothbrush and your mouth would hit it off fantastically, though. Maybe get a little mouthwash action in there, who knows what could happen?"

"Thing is, I don't have a bathroom to use, so..."

Connor sat up Indian-style and put his hands on his knees. He nodded as he said, "I know what you mean. I can't go back to my room, definitely not tonight."

Howell followed Connor's example, then asked, "What about Asakura? She might be willing to let you stay with her."

The younger one shook his head no, "I definitely can't do that. I keep mistreating her, and telling her to give me space and everything. I can't just go crawling to her and ask her to let me sleep in her room."

"Sounds like a pride issue, to me."

"No, it's a sensitivity issue. I'm an asshole, but I'm not a gigantic asshole."

"Just a tiny one?"

Connor groaned and stood up. He hauled Howell up by the hand and slapped him on the back, "We can always split a room, for the night. Tomorrow will be spent begging forgiveness and trying to make amends, but tonight is too soon for that. What do you say?"

Howell shrugged, "I suppose it's better than sleeping under the bridge. The river is a little too close for my tastes."

The two started to walk, "Well, you'd best get over it, because you're taking a shower as soon as we get a room. I swear to God, you smell horrible."

-

One quick pit-stop at a convenient store to pick up toothbrushes and a change of clothes later, our twosome snags a room at a hotel for the low price of their dignity. It went a little something like this:

"_Uh, yes, we'd like to rent a room," Connor set his arms on the desk to lower his gaze to that of the woman's behind it._

"_The showers here aren't very strong, are they?" Howell mumbled, hoping for a no._

_Connor sighed weakly before saying, "His skin is very sensitive, too much water pressure and he'll bruise like a peach."_

_The woman looked from one man to the other, smelled the alcohol, and then asked, "Can I watch?"_

And goodbye dignity. Luckily enough for both of them, dignity didn't matter very much when money was involved, so they still split the room.

As they were heading towards room 314, the duo bumped into another duo. Much to their surprise, actually.

Connor and Howell each looked down at Negi and Nodoka, and Negi and Nodoka both looked up at Connor and Howell. Everyone stopped walking to just stand there and stare. Connor vaguely recalled Haruna saying that Negi and Yue had gotten together, but he was pretty sure Yue was the shortest one with the biggest forehead, whereas this one was the quietest one with the smallest personality. Had he gotten the names mixed up?

"And we'll all just pretend this never happened?" Negi asked sincerely, looking from one man to the next.

"Why should we pretend we weren't here?" Howell asked, raising an eyebrow.

Because he didn't actually need words to get his point across, Negi looked from Connor, to Howell, then back.

"I sure like that Negi kid," Connor laughed, grabbing Howell by the collar to drag him towards their room, "I wonder where he could possibly be right now?" He opened up the door and tossed Howell in, "Now get in the shower, you filthy dog!" He barked, following him into the room.

"Therapy?" Nodoka asked gently.

"Please," Negi replied.

Connor laid out on the bed, stomach down, and started flipping through the channels. Boring, boring, boring, boring, super boring, boring, boring, seen it, boring, boring, seen it, boring, pay-per view...Hm...He halted his channel flicking briefly and examined what the hotel had to offer in terms of pay-to-play things for his television. There was your standard porn, but Howell was there, and he'd already seen Night of the Ninja, the Second Cumming, which was their newest addition. Damn, it didn't look like there was going to be anything to do, tv-wise. He turned the boob tube off and went over to the mini fridge. Once he had raided it of all its mini alcoholic beverages, he returned to the bed and laid back down.

He listened to the sound of the shower. You can usually tell when someone is in the shower or not by the sound of the water hitting tile or a person, and all Connor was hearing was tile. Howell was probably huddled up in the fetal position, naked in the corner of the bathroom, rocking back and forth like a baby. Connor emptied one of the bottles into his mouth, then hopped off the bed and stumbled towards the bathroom door. Wow, the alcohol was starting to catch up with him. After knocking on the door he asked, "Howell, man, you alright?"

"I-I'm fine!" Howell called back, "I'm washing up!"

Being that he saw the door wobble under Howell's weight, he figured the albino wasn't doing as much washing up as he said he was, "Howell, get your pasty white ass in that shower, right now."

"I'm in the shower, really!"

"Howell, I can see your shadow beneath the door."

"I have a long shadow, so what?"

"What is wrong with you? Just get in, wash off, and get out! It'll take a couple of minutes, tops!"

"But..." Howell mumbled. Connor had to put his ear up near the door to hear him, "What if I drown?"

The younger one exhaled in a mixture of frustration and pity, "You're not gonna drown. You'll be standing up, and it's not like the room is going to fill up with water."

"How can you be sure?" The older's voice replied, small and frightened.

"Because, man, stuff like that doesn't happen in the real world. Only in like, fantasy or...some weird fanfiction would a room fill up with water and drown someone. And I mean, damn, in such a crazy scenario, that person would probably wind up stuffed in a locker, or cut up and thrown into a furnace, or something insane. Now, come on, can you actually see that happening? Especially with me literally feet from you?"

Howell was quiet for a minute, as though he were thinking it over. He eventually asked, "Will you come in, with me?"

Connor stood there for a second, blinking stupidly. He let out a sigh and replied, "No, Howell, I will not come in the shower with you. Tell you what. We can leave the door open, though, and if you need help, you can call for it. Plus, the room won't flood. Cool?"

The white-haired-wonder was quiet for a second before creaking the door open and poking his head through, "Ok."

"Cool." Connor went back over to the bed and dropped back in with his little bottles.

Howell yelped a couple of times while initially emerging himself into the water, but was otherwise quiet. The steam billowed out of the bathroom in clouds. Connor couldn't help but wonder what the hell Howell did at home to take showers. Did he get Yuna to go in there, with him? Then there was the pink-haired girl and swimmer girl. They'd probably get into skimpy bathing suits and scrub him down, knowing that lot. Did Howell pretend to be afraid of water so he could get the royal treatment by the pretty ladies? What an intriguing thought.

A couple of little drinks later, Howell emerged from the bathroom, bone dry, having abused all of the towels for all they were worth. He was wearing the T-shirt and flannel pants they had picked up from the store. The t-shirt had a roll of toilet paper on it and the words, 'That's how I roll' emblazoned below it. They had both gotten a good laugh out of it, anyway.

"I did it," The white-haired man announced, dropping onto the bed beside his friend.

"You want a medal?"

"No, no, don't trouble yourself. But...I was thinking."

"Did it hurt?"

"I'm being serious. What are we doing here?"

Connor shrugged. He took another sip from a bottle and replied, "Debating whether or not you're mature enough for a girly movie."

Howell sat up so sat his legs were over the end of the bed, "No, with Yuna. With Ku Fei, Asakura, all of that. What are we doing?"

"Our best. That's what we're doing. It's messy and it's difficult, but it's all you can do."

"But why? Why is it difficult? Shouldn't things just...work the way they should if they're supposed to? Shouldn't it be easy?"

Connor shook his head, though he didn't get up, "Then what's the point? You're never going to be happy if everything just gets handed to you on a silver platter. Sure, it would be nice, but it means so much more when you work for it, and when you really feel like you earned it. You're not entitled. Have you ever eaten food that you raised with your own hands? That feeling of pride, satisfaction, and accomplishment is real happiness. You'll work through this thing with basketball girl. It's not a big deal, but you'll both be happier afterwards."

"Why do you sound so confident?"

"Because," Connor gave his troubled friend a weak grin, "No matter how hard it's storming, the sun's on the other side of those clouds, doing its best to break through."

"Unless it's nighttime," Howell pointed out, helpfully.

"Unless it's nighttime," Connor grunted, "Good input, there, buddy."

Howell laid back down by his company. After a couple of seconds he asked, "What are you going to do to fix things between you and her?"

"I don't know," The second replied truthfully, "But I will when I see her. I always do."

"You guys fight a lot, huh? Whenever I see you two she's hitting you..."

"That's just how she is. I wouldn't change her if I could. Just like with you and Yuna, right?"

Howell nodded, "Of course. I mean, I love her the way she is. But at the same time..."

"What?"

"Tonight was scary. I mean, the whole 'serious couple' thing. I don't know if I'm ready for that. I don't know if she's ready for it, even if she thinks she is. She might be thinking marriage and kids and a house with a white picket fence, and I'm just not there, yet. We're still so young, I don't even know if I really want any of that stuff."

"I'd love to have that stuff," Connor admitted, patting Howell on the chest, "It would be great not to have to worry about demons, or magic, or saving people, or hunting people. A normal life would be amazing. At the same time...you're right, it is kind of scary. If you ever slow down and stop to think...It's terrifying. Is this it? Are there no more twists or adventures for me? Do I just wind out the rest of my life in obscurity? I want that so much, but at the same time, the thought of actually getting it is petrifying."

"Because that's it," Howell agreed, "Once you're there and settled down, it's over. You can see what's coming the rest of the way. I guess the real question is...who do you want to be beside you to hold your hand and watch with you?"

Both of them knew that life after settling down definitely wasn't a spectator's sport. They knew they'd still have to work, mess with hobbies, spend time with friends and family, maybe even raise a kid or ten. It wasn't that they thought their lives would be over, it was that their lives as they knew them would be over. No matter how hard Connor tried to picture it, he couldn't see himself beside Ku Fei, or even Asakura, for the rest of his life. Howell was having a similar crisis with Yuna.

"I'm not ready for that, yet," Connor whispered, "I'm just not ready."

"I don't think I am, either..." Howell echoed the sentiment.

Connor turned his head a little to look at Howell, who did likewise. The pair of dark blue eyes scanned the pair of velvety red eyes. He had always thought that he and Howell were almost complete opposites. He considered himself the badass, and Howell was, well, the wuss. He was the confident one, Howell was the kind of absent-minded one. He was the strong one, Howell was the weak one. Right now, though, he had never felt as equal to someone as he did with the white-haired man. They were so different, but at the core they shared the same fears and doubts about the future. He hadn't felt that connected to anyone in a long, long time.

He'd always look back on that night and wonder what it was that made him do what he next did. The alcohol? The stress? The bond he was feeling? He'd probably never figure it out. Maybe he didn't really want to figure it out.

Connor half-rolled over and lowered his face to Howell's, pressing his mouth onto the albino's.

Howell laid there stupidly, blinking in surprise. His first reaction was to jerk back, but Connor had put his hand behind his head, so he couldn't. After a second of being confused, Howell closed his eyes and kissed back.

Connor rolled completely on top of Howell, but kept his lips on the others. Howell grabbed Connor's shirt and pulled it over his head, which forced the two to stop kissing for a moment. The younger one sat up and said, "We can't tell anybody about this."

"I can't talk if my mouth is full," Howell replied, pulling his own shirt off.

"Good point," Connor reached for his zipper.

BANG!

Haruna jumped out of her seat as her dorm room flew open, he papers scattering as she did so. She whipped around to see who it was, and wasn't very surprised to find Connor and Ku Fei stumble into the room, holding each other and kissing as they fumbled towards the bed.

"So I take it the date went good?" She asked, watching as they fell onto the mattress.

Connor, currently straddled by Ku Fei, gave her a thumbs up, but his mouth was too full of tongue to say anything in return.

"...Can I watch?" Haruna asked, tilting her head to the side a little bit.

Connor gave a second thumbs up, but Ku Fei slapped his hand down and gave a thumbs down. They were still unable to talk.

"Fine, be that way, hmph!" Haruna grunted. She gathered up her papers and went for the door, "I'm gonna be listening, though." She left the room, then sat down with her back to the door. The girl sifted through her drawings. "Where was I, where was I..."

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 05 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 06 - Completed**

**Mission status - Complete; Darkside awaiting further orders...**


	18. Mission 16, Circumlocution

_-----Author's note: I was going to write something for the Valentine's challenge the Train Station has going on, but while I was taking a shower I had this more awesome idea for a story. Thanks for the objectives go to me. I am the best. I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a romantic Negima story in under 3,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of drama and romance.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Must utilize present tense.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Must utilize three song titles in the form of character dialogue. Song titles must be two words or more.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"I'll be right there, Negi-sensei," Nodoka calls over her shoulder. She hopes that he can't see her pink cheeks. She's been blushing most of the day, "Please save us a table, before they're all filled up!"

Negi waves at her a little, chuckling to himself. They had spent the entire day together, just the two of them. Unlike all of the other times he had spent all day with a girl, Nodoka or otherwise, he wasn't reluctant or nervous to call this one a date. Also, unlike a lot of those other times, he had been the one to ask her out. This time, too, he had been the one to tell Nodoka that he loved her. After he had picked her up off of the ground and fanned her until she woke up, the rest of the day had been almost unbearably perfect and sweet. They were now going to grab a bite for dinner. It was almost seven, after all. Nodoka was taking a potty break, and Negi was going across the street to get them a table. He wasn't quite sure why she thought they might all fill up. That seemed rather unlikely, as he could see three or four outdoor tables just waiting for them to fill. Maybe she was just worried that something might put a little nick in their otherwise spotlessly nice day.

He steps up to the curb and watches the light for it to tell him when to cross. What on earth could possibly put a mar on this wonderful day, though? Maybe someone from 3A could show up and go all stalker on them but, by some magical offering of love from destiny, not a single student of his had shown up all day. The light changes, signaling for the boy to cross, which he steps off the curb to do. Now, though, he is thinking of all the things that could go wrong. What if when Nodoka is in the public restroom she is assaulted by someone? What if they try to mug her, or worse, and he is too far away to help her? What if she drops her purse, and someone takes it while she is coming to find him? What if when she is crossing the street, she gets hit by a car? His stomach starts to bubble unpleasantly.

The quiet librarian closes her stall and reaches down for her skirt, but stops when she hears tires outside screaming against the pavement. Instantly terrified that the worst had happened, she flings the door open and runs outside to make sure Negi's alright. She freezes as soon as she sees what's happened.

Negi is on the ground, in the middle of the road. People rush towards him from the sidewalks and from the nearby restaurant. Several are on their cell phones, making frantic calls for help.

"A boy was just hit by a car!" One woman shouts into her receiver.

"The driver just kept going, his license plate number was..." A man reads off a number.

"I think he's dead! Oh my God, I think he's dead!" Another one is starting to panic.

Forcing her legs to be stronger than the jell-o they felt like, Nodoka runs toward her fallen teacher. She pushes her way through the concerned people around him and scoops him up. There's blood...a lot of blood...his forehead has a terrible looking gash in it. She can hear sirens approaching, but that's not good enough. Where is Konoka? She had wanted to avoid her and every other member of 3A all day, but right now she wanted them all with her so badly!

"NEGI!" She screams, "SOMEONE HELP HIM!"

-

Stupid light...Go away...It hurts...

"Negi...can you hear me?"

Ugh...Turn the light of...

Negi's eyes flutter a little bit as he starts to come to. He is aware that he's in a bed, but not quite sure of much else. Well, there was that damnable light shining in his face, still. He squeezes his eyelids shut tightly and mutters through a starkly dry throat, "Turn the light off..."

The boy is instantly clutched in a tight hug around the waist. He doesn't know who he is being hugged by, because he can't bring himself to open his eyes, but when he hears her speak it quickly becomes clear.

"Negi-sensei, I-I'm so glad you're ok...I was worried that you might never..." It was Nodoka's voice.

"Negi," It's another person. This voice Negi isn't familiar with, "You were in an accident. You were hit by a car, but you're going to be alright."

"They said that..." Nodoka buries her face in his stomach, "They said that you should be dead...that any normal person would have d-died...I'm so glad you're ok..."

Negi's mind is aching. He was hit by a car? "Is...the driver ok?"

The woman laughs, and Nodoka rubs her face on his stomach as if she can't get enough of the feel of him, "You're ok, and that's what matters," She sobs.

"How long...Have I been out of it?" The boy asks, eyes still closed.

"It's been-"

"Not very long," The woman interrupts Nodoka, "You're tired, we should let you rest. Nodoka, would you please come with me?"

"No!" The girl refuses, "I'm not going to lie to him, and I'm not going to leave him!" Negi winces a little as she grips him tighter, "Negi-sensei, you've been asleep for a month! They said you wouldn't ever wake back up..." She breaks off into harder sobbing, nearly screaming into him, "I'm not going to leave him, I won't, I won't, I won't!"

Negi opens his eyes and looks around. He's lying in his loft. The television is on, but he isn't sure what's playing. Nodoka is lying beside him, and they are apparently watching whatever's on. "What a weird dream..." He mumbles, rubbing his forehead.

"Shh!" Konoka hushes him from down below, in her bed, "This is the best part!"

The boy props himself up so as to better view the television. It looks like the Titanic is on. He has no clue why the girls are watching it, as they can't speak a lick of English to save their lives. Konoka was right, this was definitely one of, if not the, best part. It's after the ship sinks, and Jack and Rose are trying to stay afloat and survive. Jack plays the hero and chooses to stay in the water so Rose can stay on the piece of wreckage to hopefully not freeze to death. Jack is now dead, and Rose is now realizing that he is gone.

"If I had been there," Konoka whimpers, "I could have saved him. I could have done something..." Negi can hear her voice cracking as she struggles not to bawl like a little baby.

"No!" Asuna shouts at the screen, "Don't let him sink!" She jumps from her bunk and down at the screen to grab it on both edges, "He isn't dead! You can still save him! Don't let him die!"

"Asuna-san, it's just a movie!" Negi tries to calm her down, but Asuna is way too into it. She continues to shout at the television and shake it as though it has done her some irreparable wrong.

"No, Negi!" She replies, "Don't let this happen! STOP IT!"

"ASUNA-SAN!" Negi roars, hopping down from the bed. He lands on a patch of warm grass, sunlight pounding down on his head. The light is so bright it hurts him to keep his eyes open, but he does so. He's absolutely lost, because a split second ago he's in his room, and the next thing he knows, he's somewhere outside.

"Negi-sensei," Ayaka's voice comes from behind him.

Negi spins around and stares up into her pretty face. Nodoka is in the background, chasing a little cluster of purple butterflies. "Ayaka, I need your help! I don't know what's going on, I was in a car accident, and I think I hurt my head!"

"I know you're hurt, Negi-sensei," Ayaka replies quietly.

"No, I think I'm really hurt! It's like I'm missing chunks of my life! I don't remember how I got here!"

"Negi-sensei," The blonde whispers, kneeling down to be eye to eye with him, "I really hope you know how much I love you, and how much I always will love you."

"W-Well..." Negi mumbles, turning red, "I think that...you're my student a-and...uh...We can't really...you know..." He trails off when she slowly and gently pulls him into a hug.

"And I hope you know..." He can feel tears forming on his shoulder, "That no matter what, I will really always love you."

He hugs her back, "I-I know you do...Thanks..."

"Please don't go..."

"I'm not going anywhere, Ayaka, I'm right here."

"Please don't go where I can't follow you..."

"Where would that possibly be?"

"I can't follow you into the dark..."

"What dark? I'm ok, seriously!" He exclaims, backing away.

Chizuru steps back from their hug, much to Negi's surprise, "Are you sure you're ok, Negi-kun? Kotaro-kun hit you pretty hard, there..."

The boy looks around. He seems to be in a daycare. Nodoka is squatting in front of a pile of building blocks with a couple of little kids, helping them make a castle. The bridge isn't agreeing with them. "I think Kotaro must have hit me harder than we know...Um, how long have I been here?"

"Hm, you've been our teacher for quite a long time, Negi-kun. We all love you very much!" The girl replies happily.

"I know that much, I meant-"

"Do you really? Do you really know how much we love you?"

"Of course I do!"

"Then why..." The girl tears up, "If you know how much we love you, why are you doing this to us?"

"Why am I doing...what?" Negi turns when someone else addresses him. It's Madoka. Misa and Sakurako are with her. Also, he's outside, again. The sunlight is absolutely killing him. Why is everything so bright!? He believes he's on a field, now...Nodoka is running laps.

"Negi-sensei!" The trio call out, "How are you feeling, today?"

Negi steps up to meet them all, "Very, very, very confused."

"We're all confused," Misa laughs.

"And very sad," Sakurako adds.

"Why are you sad, Sakurako-san?"

"Oh, ignore her, Negi-sensei!" Madoka slaps a hand over the blonde's mouth, "She's just grouchy because she doesn't have a boyfriend..."

"Not because, uh...Of anything else," The violet-haired girl mumbles, looking off to the side as she feels her voice get weak. Stupid Sakurako! She said she wouldn't get emotional!

"So...why are you sad, Misa-san?" Negi asks.

"Ah, her boyfriend broke up with her!" Madoka explains, "He said she was spending too much time with you, lately...He got jealous..."

Misa shrugs, a tear escaping her eye, "Who needs him, right?"

Sakurako shrugs Madoka off, "We're all waiting for you, Negi-kun!"

"Waiting for what? I'm missing so much, right now, just...slow it down, for me, please!" A simple blink later, and Negi finds himself in a church. A large cross is positioned front and center, and he is sitting in a pew. Misora and Zazie are on either side of him. Nodoka is on her knees, hands folded neatly in front of her, on the other side of the building.

"Do you think he can hear us?" Zazie asks.

"I know he can," Misora replies.

"Who?" Negi wonders aloud.

"God," The acrobat replies.

"For Him to hear you, you have to talk to Him, though," The nun-in-training states.

Negi nods slowly. That did, after all, make sense. So...he closes his eyes and starts to pray._ 'God, please, don't let me miss anymore time than I already have. I'm scaring my students, and I'm really scaring myself...please help me get better...'_

"Help me get better!" Ku Fei shouts.

Negi opens his eyes. He's out in some mountainous area, now. Kaede and Ku Fei are sparring while Setsuna watches. Nodoka is by a stream, wearing a kunoichi's outfit and sort throwing/dropping kunais into the water. She isn't likely to catch any fish, Negi thinks.

"No matter how good you are," Kaede replies, blocking Ku Fei's bone-crushingly strong punch, "You're not going to be able to be there for everyone all the time."

"But I still try!"

"Hey!" Negi calls out to them, jogging over to them.

The two girls slowed down their sparring and waved at him as he approached, "Hi, Negi-bozu!"

"Did either of you two ask me here to train?"

They both shook their heads, "We didn't ask you to come here," Kaede admitted with a shrug.

"We not ask, but we still happy see you," Ku Fei gave him a half-hearted smile.

"I feel kind of slow, honestly," Negi says, "I know I hit my head in an accident, but it's really starting to wear on the rest of me, you know?"

"You still doing your best, Negi-bozu?" The Chinese girl asks.

"Of course!"

"Then I could not ask for more," Kaede pats him on the head, "Right, Ku?"

"NOOOOO!!!" Ku Fei screams as Setsuna starts to drag her away, "LET ME STAY!!!"

"You can't stay here any longer, you're killing yourself!" Setsuna shouts, using all of her strength to pull her friend away from Negi.

The boy moves to intervene, but Kaede sets her hand on his shoulder to stop him. He whips around to find Takamichi looking down at him, rather than his ninja student. He's now in the headmaster's office. The light is really bright, again, and it stings his eyes. The headmaster is behind his desk, lecturing Nodoka about how it's not polite to use eggplants as erasers.

"Are...Are they talking about eggplants?" Negi asks weakly, motioning at the two.

Takamichi nods, "They are. Why?"

"Oh, just making sure I wasn't completely insane, is all. How did I get in here, anyway?"

"You used the door, of course."

"Of course."

"Now, is it too bright in here, for you, still?"

Negi nods, using his hand as a shield to the offensive light, "You could tell?"

"You're still so young," The man sighs, "If the light is so bright, why don't you try and get away from it? You're capable, right?"

"How am I supposed to get away from it?"

"By being strong."

"No, allow me," Negi realizes that it's about time for something weird to happen, so he closes his eyes and clicks his heels three times. Once he opens his eyes, he finds he's in the gigantic Mahora library. Nodoka is on a ladder, picking out some books from a startlingly high shelf.

"Hey!" Haruna calls out at him from the left. Our young friend waves to her, walking over.

"Hello, Haruna-san," He sighs, "I don't suppose you have any idea what's going on, do you?"

"I know what's going on! What's confusing you?"

"Everything! First off, why don't I remember everything that happens in-between meeting my students? And...Takamichi, I suppose...Second, What happened to me after I got hit by that car? Did it do some sort of damage to me that makes me forget things? Third..." He turns to motion to Nodoka, "Why is she following me around, everywhere? She's been with me the whole time..."

Haruna nods solemnly, "She has been with you the whole time. It's because she loves you, of course. The other two things, well...I don't know why you don't remember some things. After you got hit by the car, you went to the hospital. You were out for a month."

"So...is there some medicine or something I should take to help my head? And maybe my sensitivity to light?" He adds, a wince covering his face as he realizes just how bright everything is.

"No, I don't think there is anything for it."

"Well...Where's Yue-san? I haven't seen her, yet..."

"Yue isn't here, anymore, Negi-kun. She left to find something to fix you...I haven't heard from her, since. I think it's too late to fix you, now, though..."

"I don't need her to take care of me," Negi groans, now worried about where his stony-faced student might be, "I think she needs someone to watch out for her, more than me..."

"Don't worry," Haruna sniffs, "I'll watch out for both of them."

"Y-You will?"

"Always have, always will," The artist nods.

"Well what should I do to try and get better?"

"Why don't you go take a nap? That usually does it..."

Negi nods, and realizes he's suddenly very sleepy. Nodoka scurries down her ladder and hops onto a big armchair, positioned next to a small table. She pats beside her for him to join, which he gladly does. They get comfortable, and Negi lets himself sink into her arms. She is so warm and gentle, that he can practically feel the calm sensation of sleep wash over his tired body.

Nodoka holds onto Negi as the machines in the room signal his death with a high-pitched monotonous drone. Without the life support, there was just nothing left to keep him going. Not even her. And just like that, the happiest day of her life had turned into the worst month of her existence.

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed; Song list: I Could Not Ask For More, by Edwin McCain. Follow You Into the Dark, by Death Cab For Cutie. Fix You, by Coldplay.**

**Mission status - Completed; Darkside awaiting further orders...**


	19. Mission 17, Tsutomu's Affair

_--Author's note: This is an old story of mine, recycled for Darkside. It was my first actual oneshot. People who don't frequent the Train Station will likely not be interested, so most need not apply. I do not own Negima!, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...--_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Develop an OC-centric Negima story in under 3,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of comedy and romance.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize the Goddess operative Tsutomu Teruko.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Utilize the rogue operative Connor Gavet.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"Ok, fine, I admit it. I don't sleepwalk into Asuna's bed. I wait for her to go to sleep, then I climb right into bed with her. I like it, and I'm not gonna stop! There, are you happy, now?"

"Oh so very, very happy."

The youthful ten-year-old English instructor, Negi Springfield, was about as red as his hair, at this particular point in time. His teaching aid, the ever-impressed with himself Connor Gavet, had been pressing this question for the better part of the last million hours, or so it felt to our young friend. Really, it had only been about four hours. Four hours of incessant one liners that implied he slept with Asuna of his own free, perverted will.

Connor, his mission for the day accomplished, allowed himself to stew in his own self-satisfaction for a few minutes before he decided to be a good sport about Negi's nighttime ritual, "Come on, you filthy pervert, let's go get dinner."

"I am an English gentleman!" Negi protested loudly, jumping down from his loft as Connor spun out of Asuna's desk chair, "I just...I have no interest in females, especially not any of my students!"

"Have you ever seen your class, kid?" Connor asked quietly as he slung his coat over his shoulders, comforted by the familiar weight around his neck.

"Of course I have!"

"Then I'd watch those declarations, Mr. Gentleman. You might just wind up being someone's Mrs. Gentleman, if the wrong person hears you," He pushed the door open, waving for the grimacing boy to follow, "Come on. My treat."

-

"It was a night like any other. A night where everything should have just come and went like it always did. Only when something extraordinary happens do we realize how much we take for granted the normalcy and peace of our lives. It happened in a beef bowl. A beef bowl, of all places. He didn't mean for it to happen, hell, it only complicated his life even more. That wasn't something he needed, but what can you do?"

Chamo set down his cigarette onto the barren table in front of him, the ashes from the tip falling onto its pallid white surface. The glowering red hue of the half-way finished smoke was the second best source of light in the dank room the ermine found himself in, the first a flickering light bulb above the table he currently resided at. The man sitting at the other end of the table was mostly hidden in the shadows, only briefly illuminated every few seconds by the flash of the bulb above. That is, until he lit up a cigarette of his own revealing, though just barely, a rugged silver beard that matched the man's hair, and tiny rectangular glasses that barely covered his slanted eyes.

"Go on," Takamichi urged Chamo, though in a low tone that undermined his actual interest in the story the ermine had to tell.

And yet go on Chamo did, "Aniki didn't know I was with them. I had been taking a little breather in Emo's jacket. Konoka and Asuna had recently gotten locks for their drawers, so I was rather stranded. I kept quiet because I had just heard Emo wheedle a big secret out of Aniki, and thought he might have a little something else up his sleeve for the night. After all, it isn't often he offers anything to anyone, so I was curious. What a night it turned out to be..."

-

"Wow, Connor, when you said you were gonna treat me to dinner, I thought you would at least spring for something a little better than this," Negi admitted as the two approached the beef bowl they frequented. The sun was going down as they spoke, and if they squinted real hard, they could make out stars starting to peek through the atmosphere.

Connor stopped walking, which prompted Negi to, as well. The man in black offered his hand to the boy, "Hello, my name's Connor. I don't believe we've met, before," He spoke in a chipper tone not befitting him.

"Connor..." Negi moaned.

"Geez, kid, at least ACT like you know me," The two resumed their approach of the beef bowl, Connor muttering, "You act like you want me to take you to the damned Ritz."

Negi opened up the door, ushering Connor in. He was quick to follow, himself, but ran right into his aid's back, nearly falling down. "What the...Sorry about that, I thought you were..." Realizing he was being ignored, he looked in the direction his companion was staring.

Three people sat together at a booth, the only customers in the usually abandoned restaurant. What surprised Negi the most was how they were speaking in English. It was definitely something he didn't get to do very often, anymore. The boy's sharp eyes had already taken the three in, down to the color of their eyes.

"Are you sure? This feels kind of weird," One of the three mumbled, taking a sip of his glass of lemonade. The teen of fifteen or so was tugging uncomfortably at the hem of his black shirt as he did this.

"Trust me," The second male muttered, waving his friend's uncertainty off like a bad odor, "You look good." He, too, was wearing a black shirt over denim jeans.

"Yeah, lighten up!" The girl of the three grinned as she spun her straw around in her drink, "You'll be drowning in fangirls before you know it!"

-

"I felt it. I could actually feel it. He was the ball, and she was the bat. She knocked him senseless; right off his feet and out of the park. I'll be damned if he wasn't orbiting Saturn, skating around on rings of punch drunk love. I watched the whole thing. She was a beaut, all right. The chocolate hued hair, the silky smooth skin, the way that little black dress hung off her, and Gods be damned if her eyes weren't like stars. Even Aniki couldn't help but stare, and that's saying something."

Takamichi smirked a little, giving a small nod, "To catch his eye, it most certainly is. He really prides himself on being a gentleman."

Chamo nodded, putting out his cigarette in the small ash tray the older teacher slid across the lengthy table, "He does, he does. He's a good guy, brother is. ...But I can assure you, Negi was having a tough time with it, and Emo definitely wasn't thinking gentlemanly thoughts, right then. Or maybe he was, I guess I don't really know what a girl like that would make him think. It took him a moment before he regained himself enough to get out of the doorway, and Aniki was right behind him..."

-

The two newest customers to the beef bowl stumbled into a booth of their own, though neither was looking at where they were sitting, or even took notice that they were sitting. It was almost like they were in a sort of trance. In fact, no sooner had they sat down did they both stand back up, both stepping briskly up to the table of three.

That angelically wonderful female was the first to notice the two, as she was sitting across from the two males so that their backs were towards them. Her simple gaze was enough to set both squirming. So serene, distant. At the same time, it looked like she was seeing so much more than anyone else could. Far off realities, images and scenes of anything and everything good in this world, or any other.

'_It's like she's looking at my very soul...'_ Negi thought in awe as he returned her curious gaze with one of pure interest. He hoped she couldn't see the less than attractive things he had done in his life. Like that one time he had used Konoka's bra for a makeshift...No, mustn't think about that, again.

'_It's like she's looking at me naked...'_ Connor thought, realizing he was suddenly more self-conscious than he had been in a long while. Was his hair ok? Was his face clean? God, did his pants make his butt look big?

"Hey," Came her blissfully suave voice.

The two guys sitting in front of her turned to see who she was addressing, revealing young faces to the two behind them.

"What's going on with the coat?" One couldn't help but ask, "It's not cold out, man. You a leper, or something?"

These words snapped Connor out of his stupor, "Do I look like a leper to you?"

"Hey, just asking. Relax, I'm kidding around," The guy grinned at the two, motioning over to the girl, "Sit down, I'll get you something. We're new around here, so maybe you could tell us a little about it."

As Negi shuffled in front of the girl, he 'accidentally' tripped and planted his face in her chest, much to everyone's surprise.

"Wow," The other boy moaned, looking away to allow the girl time to remedy the situation, "I didn't think anything like that actually happened outside of Ken Akamatsu's mind."

"Took the words right out of my mouth," The other boy replied.

"Watch it!" The pretty girl yelped, pushing Negi aside and into his seat, "We're buying you dinner, not the other way around!"

Connor, sending Negi a look that told him to quit the innocent kid crap, dropped next to the girl and held his hand out across the table, "I'm Connor."

The boy who had offered to pay for dinner took the hand in his own, "They call me Serac."

The hand shaking stopped, and Connor just looked blankly into Serac's light blue eyes, "Oh, that's rich," He muttered.

Masa was next to introduce himself, and then the girl introduced herself as Theru.

-

"Theru...A name that holds so much love and beauty, wrapped into such a heart-wrecking package. Alas, while they were enthralled in her presence, talking about the school, their jobs, how the three were new exchange students in the highschool, they didn't realize that they were being watched."

"By you?" Takamichi ventured a guess.

"No, no, not by me," Chamo quickly replied, "By someone much, much more dangerous. Anyway, Aniki had to go back to the dorm because it was getting late and he had class the next day to be ready for. Good old big brother, always the responsible one. Emo, not so much..."

-

"Alright, well, see you later, Onion," Serac waved goodbye to the now departing Negi. They were outside of the beef bowl, having eaten and talked enough. For the most part.

"It's 'Negi'!" The boy called over his shoulder, though he didn't slow his pace.

"Oh, right, sorry. Green Onion," Serac corrected himself, shrugging. He turned his attention to Masa, "Alright, man, I think it's about time to get back to our room. See you later, Theru." And with those words, he turned to walk away and leave them there.

"Uh..." Masa was a little more hesitant to do so, "Shouldn't we walk Theru back, first? I mean, it's not that far away from where we're going anyway..."

"Geez, how ungentlemanly, not even offering to walk a lady back to her place. A lady who is your friend, too!" Theru crossed her arms and looked away with a 'humph' noise.

"Actually, I'm being more of a gentleman by treating you with enough respect to assume that not only do you know the way back to your dorm, but that you're capable of getting there without falling into a lake or getting attacked by rabid animals. I think you're smart enough to make it on your own."

The three stood there in silence waiting to see if Serac had finished, which he had. Once she'd made sure he was done, Theru muttered, "Fine, I don't want you guys to walk me home, anyway. I'll get Connor to do it."

"And you do realize how seriously he's playing you, right now? He wants me to walk you home," Connor interrupted, raising a finger as if to ask permission to speak, though he did so anyway.

"And I'm ok with that, for some reason. Serac, let's go," Masa suddenly decided to do as Serac was leading. The two were turned around and jogging away before Theru even had time to be offended/abandoned.

"What a couple of dweebs!" She squealed, pointing after them as if Connor might not know who she meant, "Come on, Connor..."

Not in much of a mind set to disobey the girl that he was currently unable to tear his eyes from, Connor simply followed after her.

-

Unknown to any but Masa and Serac, they traveled a block or two before meeting up with a man in a heavy blue robe, who handed the two a handbook filled with sports statistics from fifty years in the future; A sports almanac.

"And it's got everything I need to know in here?" Serac asked, flipping through it.

"It does," The cold voice replied sullenly.

"Wow, and you really brought it back to the future? I mean, from the future?" Masa asked, looking over Serac's shoulder to read it.

"I did."

"Come on, how about a smile?" The one holding the book asked the solemn figure before him, "After all, we just did Fate's will and set Theru up with Connor. Not bad for a night's work, I'd say."

"Serac, don't mess with him!" Masa exclaimed, "We got the sports almanac, so we're set for life! Let's go see what we can bet on, first!"

"Ok, but now I kind of want to know what exactly those two are going to be doing...Any hints?" Serac asked Serac, who continued to gaze blankly at them.

"Do not push your luck," And with that he snapped his fingers, vanishing.

-

"Ok, so what happens then?" Takamichi asks, now genuinely interested in what happened. After all, for Chamo to call him down into a crappy room like this, it must be pretty important.

"What happens next is...I can't tell you," The ermine replies quietly.

"What? Why not?"

Chamo looks around as if he expects someone to attack him through the solid walls surrounding him, "Because I don't know!"

Takamichi slaps a hand to his forehead, "You mean he found you?"

"He found me. That's why I needed to talk to you! I don't know any of the highschool people, so you were my best shot! You need to go to Theru's dorm room and make sure nothing happens!"

"Why do you suddenly care what Connor does?"

"I don't care WHAT he does, but he shouldn't be touching that cute girl! Besides, now that you know, it's your responsibility to stop him!"

"You like her too, don't you?"

"She's just so gorgeous! Now go stop him!"

-

It was true, Takamichi knew where to find Theru. After all, he knew just about everything that went on around Mahora, regardless of what grade or if it even had anything to do with school at all. So he hopped into his ride and burnt rubber over to the female highschool's dormitories, and marched down the halls towards her room. He stopped short, however, when he saw that he wasn't the only one who was taking an interest in this development.

-

"Connor, I don't think I'm ready..."

"Then don't think. You've got to feel it..."

"I-I do, _but..._"

Connor brought his hand up to Theru's face, brushing a lock of hair away from her face as he gently pressed himself up against her and eased her back onto her bed, looking intently into her limpid eyes as he wrapped his other arm around her back to hold her closer to him.

"Are you ready now?" He whispered, lowering his forehead onto her own.

He got his answer when she arced a little to raise her lips up _to-_

"NO!" Ku Fei shouted, her imagination getting away from her. She swung her leg into the door, knocking it clean off of its hinges and sending it flying into the room. She burst into the small area to find a rather stunned looking Connor and some brunette girl playing video games.

"Sunshine!" Connor shouted, realizing there had probably been a misunderstanding, as was typical at Mahora, "It's not what you think!"

"You playing with some random girl when you should be playing with me?" The Chinese girl asked fiercely, her eyes glowering like hot coals.

"Ok, so maybe it is what you think, but still!"

Diving across the room and grabbing him by the neck, Ku Fei quickly commenced dragging Connor away, sending a pissed look at Theru as she did.

"Goodbye, my love!" Connor gasped as he slid from the room.

"What just happened?" Theru asked to herself, looking back at the screen too late to save her character.

Takamichi stepped aside as Ku Fei dragged Connor down the hall by his throat, rubbing the back of his neck, "Uh, what just happened?"

-

"Man, Masa..." Serac muttered from his dorm after discovering that the Cleveland Browns don't win a single playoff game for the next fifty years, "I would trade this book just to find out what those two are doing, right now..."

"...You're kind of a pervert, you know that, right?" Masa replies.

"...Yeah."

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**Mission status - Completed; Darkside awaiting further orders...**


	20. Mission 18, Silhouette

_--Author's note: I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...--_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Develop a horror story in under 4,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of mystery and drama.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize the gentlemanly operative, Negi Springfield.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Utilize the fallen operative, Evangeline A.K. McDowell.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"Brother, you just gotta let it go."

"Chamo, you just gotta stop talking."

Our ermine friend, from atop his perch on Negi's shoulder, didn't feel too stung by his buddy's uncharacteristically sharp tongue. Rather than shoot back that comment about puberty he'd been saving, the pervy animal calmly went on.

"That's just the way that Evangeline is, you should know that by now! She's like a succubus, only she feeds off of embarrassment and shame."

"I'd actually studied a little on succubi a few weeks back. Frightful creatures, those," The boy responded, diving to the side to avoid his oncoming demise. Though up to this point it hadn't been mentioned Negi was, at the moment, involved in a spectacular dodge ball game the likes the world had only seen two or three times! It had ribbons, soccer kicks, dunk-throws, martial arts power bombs, mechanical ingenuity, panties, you name it! The young mage had found himself filling in for a certain broody gym teacher. The exact reason wasn't disclosed, but he had been left with these very inspiring words; 'You'll do it because I told you to'.

"Right, right. It would be horrible to get sexed up while you slept. Succubi are awful," Chamo tried to hold back the laughter, "But that's not the point."

"I can't just let it go, this time!" The boy declared, rolling forward and under an oncoming rocket from Satomi's robot, "She completely humiliated me in front of my partners!"

"So it's just business as usual, right? What's the big deal?"

"Negi-kun," Makie panted from behind her teacher, "Stop talking to your pet and help us!"

"Not now, Makie-san, the adults are talking," Negi sighed, tilting his head to the left as the rubber ball zipped past, careening into the gymnast's face. Negi's hand shot forward to catch the ball on the rebound, just slightly in front of him.

"Holy crap, is she ok!?" Chamo shouted, pointing at the unconscious and drooling girl. Negi hurled the ball back at the other team, not bothering to look at his fallen comrade. Fuuka and Fumika each took a leg and assumed the roles of medics, dragging their friend to the other incapacitated players, weaving in and out of enemy and friendly fire.

Still in English, Negi continued to vent, "Where does she get off? She's supposed to help train me, not serve me humble pie with every spiteful word that drizzles out of her tiny-fanged mouth!" He lunged in front of Misa, who was about to take one to the chest, snagged the ball and power housed it straight into Ku Fei's gut. The sound of that hit echoed loud enough that the Dean looked up from his desk, hundreds of yards away. The Chinese girl was blown away, bidding the cruel world farewell as she went. Kaede took to the air and slung the ball back down at Negi's team.

"And it's not only that!" The boy was starting to get louder, "But she barrages me with physical abuse and ridicule practically nonstop! I've had enough of it!"

"Uh, Negi! You should calm down, now!" Chamo gulped, starting to fear something bad was about to happen.

It turns out that ermines are good at predicting these sorts of things.

Negi shoved Ako to the ground to get her out of the way of the ball, then performed a move that she had just been about to try, herself. He spun and dropped back, flinging up his leg to perform a perfect bicycle kick. Well, perfect in that it went right where he wanted it to. From every other perspective it was a bad kick.

Evangeline was currently stricken with hay fever, but that didn't stop Negi from forcing her into the game. She somehow wound up on his team, but made every effort not to help at all. She had listened to her stupid pupil whine to his pet like a little girl who dropped her lip gloss in the mud. So she was tough. Big deal. Real enemies would be tougher, and they wouldn't let him walk away at the end of the day. Even though she felt a little remorse at what she had done to him yesterday (Not too much, because she'd done a lot worse), she convinced herself that one day he would thank-

SMACK!

The ball hit Evangeline in the back of the head so hard that it exploded. Unsuspecting of the low blow from behind, she was thrown down face first into the cement, where she remained motionless for several long, silent seconds. When she did raise her face from the ground to turn and send a vicious look at Negi, she proved that she was perfectly fine. This immediately killed a lot of the tension, which allowed Yuna to do something that she probably shouldn't have done. Laugh. Asuna knew that Evangeline wouldn't be hurt from something so weak, and the expression of surprise and anger on her face was priceless. She burst out laughing. And when those two laughed, it suddenly became ok for everyone else to join in. They did just that.

Negi stood there, laughing with the others at his silly mistake. None of them suspected that he would have hurt Evangeline intentionally, and certainly she wasn't actually hurt. Embarrassed, but certainly not hurt. That was the whole point, and it was Negi's victory over her. Now it was her turn to be ridiculed, to be the joke. It wouldn't be a long victory, but it was very, very sweet. He intended to savor the taste for as long as he could.

Then he saw the flush in her cheeks and the tears in the corner of her eyes, and lost his appetite.

"Don't think this is over!" Evangeline growled, climbing to her feet. She stormed off of the court and towards the gymnasium door. There was a large hole beside it from Satomi's rocket launcher, "You'll be sorry! I WILL get even!"

The laughter died off just as quickly as it had come on, but rather than feeling a sense of closure and evenness, Negi only felt guilt and shame. That was such an immature thing of him to have done! He already wished he could take it back a thousand times over, and not even because of Evangeline's threat, but because he was now sick with himself. It shouldn't feel good to make someone else upset. For that split, ugly second, though, it had. Now it only felt awful. Thank goodness none of them suspected he did it on purpose.

"Ah, got a little too into it, huh?" Asuna patted Negi on the head, "You're supposed to hit the people on the other side of the gym!"

"Thanks for the tip, Asuna-san," Negi forced a grin. That grin was then duly vanquished by the lackluster glow called aftermath. Madoka and Sakurako were helping a limping Ako to the bleachers, Ku Fei was hugging her stomach like she normally did after eating four times more than she should, and Fuuka and Fumika were trying utterly fruitlessly to wake Makie up by slapping her already extremely red face. Face to ball collisions tend to leave one a little red, it would seem.

"Oh, good heavens...What did I do?" Negi sighed, covering his eyes with both hands.

"I told you to calm down," Chamo muttered.

-

"Really, Negi-kun, you don't need to worry so much!" Konoka cooed to the boy. He was already safely tucked into his bed, but the terrible feeling of guilt was wringing his stomach like a wet cloth that needed drying.

"So you got a little rough today, big flippin' deal," Asuna piped in, "You think that those girls of all people can't handle it? So Ku Fei had a stomach ache, Ako twisted her ankle, and Makie got hit in the face..." Baka red trailed off into a poorly restrained giggle, "That part was pretty funny, actually."

"Asuna-san!" Negi protested. He tried to rise, but Konoka pushed him back down.

"It's time for bed, Negi-kun! Nobody's mad at you, so don't worry. Now we have class in the morning, so get some sleep. Remember what happened the last time you didn't get enough sleep and you were cranky at me?"

Negi's eyes went wide and he whimpered, "Please don't bring back Mr. Palmer! I'll go to bed!"

Konoka's face was blank when she went on, "And next time, he'll bring over his friend Professor Backhand. Don't talk to me like that, again, Negi-kun."

"I'm sorry, Ojou-sama!"

"That's right you are. Good night, Negi-kun!" She chirped pleasantly, skipping across the room and turning the light off. She then hopped happily into bed and was snoozing before Asuna had gotten into a comfy position.

And so Negi lay there quietly, wondering where he could find some medicine for bipolar disorder, all whilst suffering silently inside. He just wanted to forget that today had ever happened, that he had lost himself to frustration and anger and caused his friends pain with his reckless actions. Maybe the worst part was that he had gone out of his way and made sure to try and embarrass Evangeline. He didn't want to be that kind of spiteful person. That was the kind of behavior that he couldn't stand, after all! So he exhibited it, himself! GENIUS!

Frustrated and wanting to hide from it all, Negi threw the cover over his head and forced himself to be still. He remained mostly motionless, focusing on breathing and trying to think of something pleasant. Puppies, for instance. Puppies are pleasant. Sad to say, they weren't quite entertaining enough to hold his interest and remove from his mind the guilt. Eventually, the air under the blanket turned mostly to heat and he started to suffocate, so he flipped the blanket back down. This didn't help him to breathe, however, as the sight before him sucked all the air out of his lungs.

At the foot of his loft, squatting down low was a horrible humanlike creature with hollow black eyes and a ground up meaty husk of a face. Before he could even force in a mouthful of the now stagnant air, the thing had begun to crawl towards him on all fours, its limbs jerking nervously and uncontrollably as it did. It was over his legs so fast he couldn't react. It reached up and grabbed his arm, which was against the wall to steady himself, and wrenched its ghastly, grunting face up close to his. It began to force itself onto him, pushing down like it wanted to hold onto him. It pushed its forehead onto his own, a gaping hole, for he dare not call it a mouth, stretched open right in front of his own. A long, rotten chunk of flesh slowly snaked out. He let out a scream of terror and flung the thing away. The lights flicked on.

"Negi, wh-what!?" Asuna yelped, falling off of her bed and hitting the floor with a crash.

Konoka, the one responsible for the lights, trotted over to the loft and scaled the ladder, "What's wrong, Negi-kun?"

Negi clamored about the loft, looking everywhere for the wretched thing that had just a split second ago been holding onto him like he were a long-lost lover. He was in a cold sweat and was shaking as violently as a dying leaf clinging to its tree in a raging storm. "Wh-Where i-i-is it!?" He gasped, fumbling with his staff that he always kept by the bed.

"Where's what? There's just us here, Negi-kun. You had a bad dream," Konoka could see that words clearly weren't going to salvage the young boy's night, so she decided actions might be better, "Come on, you can sleep with me, tonight."

Konoka helped her shaken teacher down the ladder and onto her bed. They had to step over Asuna, who had fallen back asleep on the floor. That, or she had been knocked out after the fall. Knowing her, it could easily have been either one. Konoka made sure Negi was situated in her bed before going to turn the lights out. Negi almost stopped her, but started to feel foolish. Maybe he had just been dreaming. But...it felt so real. He could still feel it touching him, breathing on him. He looked at his arm.

Konoka crawled into the bed, put her arms around her teacher and whispered, "All better? ...Say, Negi-kun, that's a nasty mark!" She gaped at the dark ring around his arm. He was currently staring at it, too, "How did you get that?"

-

The next morning may as well have never come. That's how long the night dragged on. With no sleep to ease his racing mind, he barely even registered that morning ever came. It was only when Asuna got up to the sound of her annoying alarm clock did he begin to feel better.

"Watch out for anything strange, today. Don't take any unnecessary chances, ok?" He implored his student.

"You're acting nuts, stupid," Asuna laughed, "It was just a bad dream! Everything's fine!"

"Then how do you explain this?" Negi showed her the bruise on his arm from where the creature had grabbed him.

"Negi, you got that from the fall after that crazy kick you did, yesterday. You landed on your arm and bruised it. It's not science. You're gonna make me late, so move it, pipsqueak!"

And so he had to let her go. He remained unconvinced, however, and decided that he needed to make a visit to a certain vampire he knew. The young teacher made a quick call to Setsuna to alert her that there may be a demon about and that he was going to leave Konoka, and then set out.

It was so early it was still dark out, so even though it was technically morning, it wouldn't feel that way for another hour or two. The safety and comfort of sunlight would elude him for awhile, yet. He took to his staff and kept to the paths less traveled. No one would be out and about at this time, but he still felt as though everywhere he went he was being watched. Like around every tree was someone spying on him. His every movement being calculated. Like he was being stalked. Evangeline was definitely playing with him, trying to scare him. Whatever sick illusion confronted him last night had definitely come from her. Of that he had little doubt.

Negi arrived at the vampire's cottage in good time. Hopping down from the safety of his staff, the teacher strode briskly up the steps and pounded on the door, "Evangeline!" He called out, "Evangeline! Open up! I need to talk to you!"

A moment later the door opened up and Chachamaru made her appearance. She was already in her maid uniform and had a frying pan filled with scrambling eggs. "Good morning, Negi-sensei. Master is sleeping, right now, and will not like to be woken up. Is there a message I can give her for you?"

"No, thank you Chachamaru. I want to speak to her right now. It's a very important matter."

"Master ordered that I am not to-"

"Well there's no damn point in it, now, Chachamaru!" Evangeline snapped from the stairway as she descended, "I'm awake now, from his idiotic yelling!"

"Evangeline, what was that thing you sent after me, last night?" Negi stuck his head into the cottage.

"Boya, I have no idea what you're talking about. If you really woke me up to blather like a moron I'm going to be very upset," The girl replied, now in the middle of the living room.

"You said that I'd be sorry. That you'd get even. So you try and scare me with an illusion, last night. Don't play dumb. We both know it doesn't suit you," Negi retracted his head and stood at full height.

Evangeline narrowed her eyes, "You don't speak to me like that. I didn't do a thing last night, so don't try and pin your B-grade horror dreams on me, boya. I will get even, but I'd rather let you stew, first. Now is there something else you'd like to say to me?"

Negi tried to meet her glare, but he just couldn't. His heart was telling him to apologize for yesterday, and even for this morning intrusion, but his stubborn head just wouldn't allow it. "No," He muttered.

"Then get the hell off my porch."

Chachamaru took the cue and closed the door, leaving Negi out in the cold. It was now that he realized just how chilly it was. He'd been in such a hurry that he didn't even grab a jacket. In defeat and frustration our friend trotted down the stairs and swung up onto his staff. He tried to go over the nearby river, but his ride jerked to a stop and he flew off, landing on the opposite bank. A little stunned from the hard landing, groggily, he turned to find a dead and blueish arm pulling his staff under the water. It vanished beneath the surface while he stared in shock. The boy jumped to his feet when the water on his side of the river began to ripple. The top of a head emerged, scraggly black hair matted down with water. Its glowering yellow eyes met his, and he turned tail and ran.

He tore through the woods in terror at top speed, crushing sticks and grinding leaves as he went. The sounds of what was beneath his feet didn't concern the boy nearly as much as the sounds of what was beneath something else's feet. It always seemed to be right behind him, almost like it was his own shadow that he were fleeing from. He could hear it heaving and gurgling from all around. Splashes of what couldn't have only been water slapping against the ground. The boy shot a look over his shoulder to see how much space he'd put between himself and the monster, but couldn't see anything. Once his eyes returned to front and center, he barreled into the blueish person and flew to the ground face first. With a grunt, the frightened boy rolled onto his back to face the waterlogged thing.

It looked back at him, gasping and heaving. It's eyes were a bright yellow, but he could make out the distinct red streaks in them. Bloodshot. It was holding its stomach, hunched over in what looked like pain. The tense seconds crawled by, and it lurched forward a step and vomited crimson all over the grass. It began to stagger towards Negi, who returned to his feet and bolted. He knew better than to grapple with the undead, especially without his staff. As much as it frightened him to admit it, he'd need the help of his partners in retrieving it. So he ran. And ran, and ran, and ran. It was always at his heels, though. Grunting in pain all the while.

When Negi made it back to civilization, he lost all track of the creature who had once been so hard to shake. The bell for first classes was ringing, and he was officially late. This was the least of his concerns, of course, but that's where his partners would be. In class. His class. So that's where he set course for. As he run-walked to the school, looking over his shoulder all the while, the boy wondered what was happening. He just knew that Evangeline was behind it, but...she had seemed sincere in saying she was not. Say what you will about Evangeline, but you could always count on her to be a straight shooter. If she wanted you to suffer, she wouldn't keep it a secret. She'd claim ownership. That scared him. Was she not responsible for the illusions? Or were they actually illusions, at all? He was sore from his collision with the thing and the ensuing collision with the ground. That had to mean something, right?

Negi entered the school and proceeded towards his class. The lights above him were flickering, but no one seemed to be paying it any attention. All around him the tardy students were rushing about. One girl up at the end of the hall had a nasty limp, but no one bothered to help her. The poor boy, cursed with being an English gentleman, had no choice but to put off his own problems for just a moment longer and help her.

"Miss!" He called out, coming up from behind her. "Miss, are you alright? Let me give you a hand..." He reached out and took her by the hand. The girl stopped moving for a second, then turned to look at him. Negi swallowed his tongue when he saw her peeling face. Tears poured down from her solid white eyes. She reached out for his retracted hand, opening and closing her fist in desire for his touch. "NO!" Negi shouted, backing away. The boy made a mad dash for his classroom while people stared at him, whispering their confusion. But now he knew what it was. Evangeline wasn't causing any of this. He knew what he needed to do.

The students had decided Negi wasn't coming and that they could all leave. When he shoved them all back into the class and demanded they sit down they decided otherwise.

"It's about time!" Chisame mumbled under her breath.

Negi scanned the classroom, noting three extra students among the desks. All of which stared at him intently, dead eyes fixed on him. Making him sweat. Eating away at his conscience. "First off, I would like to apologize for my tardiness." He shrugged off the scattered murmurs and laughter, "And more importantly, I would like to apologize to Makie-san for what happened in dodge ball the other day. I could have caught that ball that hit you in the face, and I'm sorry."

Makie turned about as pink as her hair and laughed, "It's ok, geez, Negi-kun!"

The first monster vanished.

"And Ku Fei-san, I'm sorry I hit you as hard as I did. I was upset because of something else and wound up hurting you."

Ku Fei took her turn to laugh, "Please, Negi-bozu! I hit by pillows harder!"

The second monster vanished.

"And thirdly, I would like to apologize to Ako-san, for hurting her ankle. I was too rough and for bad reason. I'm really sorry."

Ako stuttered for a second or two, then managed a meek 'It's ok'.

The third monster vanished.

"And lastly..." He took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, Evangeline, for hitting you in the back of the head."

-

"So, yeah," Negi explained to his loveable ermine compatriot, "It turns out Evangeline didn't do a thing to get me back," The two were in the cafeteria, red tray decorated with various goodies, "She had Chachamaru follow me after I left her house. I hit a patch of reeds in the river, and I ran into a tree, not a monster. The limping girl in the hallways was the old janitor, too..."

"What about the one in the bed?"

Negi thought for a second about how Asuna had wound up knocked out on the floor, "Uh, I don't know about that one. Anyway, Chachamaru showed me the recordings, so everything's all better. It was all in my head. She let me stew in my own guilt."

"Wow, it didn't take you long to stew, either. About one day. We need to work on your endurance, brother," Chamo replied sourly. "So she really let you off that easy?"

Evangeline walked over and grabbed the boy's tapioca pudding, "NOW we're even," She grinned wickedly, then left just as fast as she came.

Chamo saw the look in Negi's eyes. "Brother, you just gotta let it go."

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**Mission status - Complete; Darkside awaiting further orders...**


	21. Mission 19, Tilt The Guitar

_--Author's note: Thanks for this mission goes to Azure. He gave it to me a long time ago, and I never got around to actually doing it. I saved the objectives and let it sit. But here it finally is. I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy...--_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create an explanatory Negima story in under 1,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genre of comedy.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Must utilize the Dekopin Rocket.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Inform the masses as to what the Dekopin Rocket actually is.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Must complete the mission within one hour of beginning.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"Say what?"

"Yeah, Chao gave it to us."

"Hurry up, open it!"

Madoka looked at the box, then back at the note it came with, then at her friends. "It says we can't open it without Ako."

"What!?" The two other girls gasped. Before Misa had so much as inhaled her next mouthful of air, Sakurako was dialing up the white-haired girl on her cell phone. "Why would we need Ako to open up a gift from Chao?"

"It might not be a gift. It might be, you know, just a package," Madoka sighed, "Like...one of her crazy robotic tests, or something."

"Ah, she wouldn't do that to us," The violet-haired girl laughed.

"Try telling that to Ku Fei," The brown-haired girl replied.

In a matter of seconds, seconds filled with Sakurako screaming at Ako to hurry it up, the fourth member of the packages recipients arrived, and it was time to open it.

"The letter says that it's from Chao. Something from the distant future. An antique that Chao brought back with her...from Mars. In the future. To give to us."

Ako glanced at Madoka, "You still think she's doing narcotics?"

"I'm just wondering what kind, honestly," The addressed girl responded.

Sakurako ripped the brown box apart to find a big blue box that had instruments all over it. It had the words 'Rock Band' in big print. "It's a video game thingy!" The blonde cheerleader announced loudly, tearing the box open. She had it hooked up to the television so fast that it made all of the other girls wonder why their parents had struggled with VCRs and everything else electronic so much.

"It has instruments for everyone, too. Lucky," Ako smiled, "We won't have to take turns."

"But which ones do we all use?" Misa wondered aloud.

"I WANT THE DRUMS!" Sakurako dove at them.

-

"I don't know what we were thinking giving you the drums," Misa dragged her spastic blonde friend away from the percussion instrument. "You hit it ONCE for every note."

"I just wanted to make sure I got it!" The girl cried in defense.

"Yeah, but seventeen times? It's Weezer, for goodness sakes, it's not that tough!"

-

The song came to an end, and everybody gave a cheer.

"That was really good, you guys!" Misa grinned.

"I know, we rocked!" Ako laughed.

Sakurako nodded, "I knew we could blast In Bloom! I think we owe that one to Madoka."

Madoka blinked, "Why single me out for this one?"

"Well you sounded just like Kurt Cobain!"

Madoka handed the microphone to Sakurako.

-

"Wow, you guys, this is really boring..." Ako yawned, nailing every note that came her way.

"MY HAND!" Misa was shrieking, "IT'S CRAMPING UP!"

"You guys, we're almost through the song!" Madoka shouted to them.

"I CAN'T MAKE IT!"

"Misa, this is really easy," The nurse mumbled.

"That's easy for you to say, you're on bass!" Misa cried, tears flowing from her face. She started to miss everything. She was gone in a matter of seconds. "Ack, someone save me!"

"We don't have any Overdrive!" The three other girls wailed.

Failure.

"Well that's just freaking great," Sakurako threw the microphone. "We're blowing it on Black Hole Sun! We're never going to amount to anything at this rate!"

"It's just a game..." Madoka mumbled.

Sakurako whipped around and stared the offending girl down with an icy glare, "Don't you say that. Don't you ever say that!"

"Switch?" Ako reached for the guitar.

Misa grabbed the bass, "Come to mama."

-

B.Y.O.B. was destroyed by near flawless performances by our shredding foursome, and they all knew they were ready. Ready for the big time.

"It is time," Sakurako nodded grimly, "Time for us to rise to power. For us to rock."

"We will create our own band," Madoka smiled wickedly.

"There are over six billion faces out there. I can't rest until I've rocked them all," Misa crossed her arms.

"And we will call ourselves the Dekopin Rocket," Ako pitched in, hands on her hips. The other three girls stared at her. "I'm the guitarist, I get to pick."

"Doesn't the singer usually get to-"

Sakurako cut her bass player off, "Don't screw with the band harmony! The Dekopin Rocket...Satan help the souls we will crush and the headbangers whose necks will snap from the shred we will create."

"This isn't a scary transformation at all," Madoka gulped.

-

Chao laughed evilly while Hakase watched in bewilderment. The two had been watching the four girls play through a hidden camera in the drums. Watched them come from humble beginnings to rising rock gods.

"Now my evil plan B is in motion..." The time traveling Martian snickered devilishly.

"Plan B?"

Chao turned to face Hakase, "In the event that I fail to expose magic to the world, I need a plan B, of course! Plan B is to become manager of a band of my own creation! I will give them songs that are number one hits from the future, and they will make them hits before the original creators can! It's perfect! I'll be rich!"

"I think that was a tv show."

"Uh, what?"

"Yeah, I think there was a tv show about a guy who went back in time or something and did the exact same thing. I remember seeing him sing Britney Spears."

"So you're suggesting that my evil plan B came from some lame show I saw on the future TV Land?"

Hakase stared blankly at Chao.

Chao started to leave the lab, "You are such a wet blanket, sometimes."

**Mission Analysis...**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 05 - Completed - Time elapsed - 51:22**

**Mission status - Complete; Darkside awaiting further orders...**


	22. Mission 03, Death To Darkside, File 3

_-----Author's note: There are lots of OCs and authors in here, so you may or may not enjoy this depending on whether or not you know them. Forewarned._

_I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own (Save for most of them, but I believe they are all credited in an earlier chapter. Go look!). Enjoy.....-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing.....**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a perverted Negima story in under 5,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of comedy and horror, optional romance.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize only the young tech specialist, Chisame Hasegawa. All other students are off limits.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Educate the masses in immorality.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Warn fellow operative Eternal-Longing not to read this story.**

**- - -Objective 06 - Take a page from fellow operative Ansem's book. Destroy the fourth wall.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

Darkside gave a single nod, though none were around to see it. Through a grin, the story-teller muttered into the receiver, "Good. All goes according to plan. I pull the strings, and they all dance."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," The voice on the other side sighed, "Puppets, dancing, victory, I get it. I'll let you know if anything happens."

"You be sure to do that," Darkside said, "Remember what's on the line."

"How could I forget?" The voice asked, ending the call.

Idly, the phone rest on Darkside's ear. The man listened to the monotonous drone of the dial tone, the grin growing wider as the seconds passed, "Wonderful bait on the line. A line I keep tugging just out of your reach. Beautiful, I love irony!"

"A rather alarming love, if I do say so myself," A voice cut through the darkness of the office. Darkside turned to look at the figure in the doorway. The young man tipped his head and concluded, "What if I were to indulge you in that love and stab you in the back?"

"To be killed by a companion is a death I could only wish for. How beautiful would that be?"

"You never know. It could happen."

Darkside finally set the phone down on his desk and stopped smiling, "Don't get my hopes up. Look, I've got goose bumps."

The young man entered the office and sat down in the opposing chair. For the longest while the two sat and stared at one another, each one surveying the other. Darkside knew he was being sized up. This one always sized him up. Eventually, the master broke the silence, "Did you come here for something, or did you just want to gaze into my eyes?"

"I have a proposition."

"Well, angel, speak up. Believe it or not, I do have a lot on my plate."

"I would like to bring Mr. Arandel into our service."

Darkside laughed, "We don't need him."

"While that may be true, I would like to inform him as to what is going on. In the event of a complication, it would be wise to have an ace in the hole."

"Arandel's not an ace in the hole, he's a wild card," The boss frowned, "If he catches wind of this little game we're playing, there's no telling who's side he'll take. You can hardly ever find the guy, anymore. Besides, how would you even convince him to help us?"

The angel smiled as if to a child who didn't seem to understand what he was being told, "How I go about my business is none of yours. You needn't worry yourself over the little things."

Darkside raised an eyebrow when he asked, "You plan to speak with him, with or without my consent?"

"I've always considered us more like partners than anything else. I don't take orders."

Shaking his head, Darkside pointed to the door, "Fine, get out. You do what you will, but don't forget to speak with Bloody Eyes first and foremost. I want him prepared for that girl and her friends. If he doesn't kill at least one of them, I'll put the Hyacinth curse on him. I swear....."

The young man gave a joking salute from the doorway, "As always, it's been a pleasure."

"Don't let the door hit you on your way out, Seraph," Darkside growled, looking at the phone. Seraph closed the door, leaving the story-teller alone to think. After sitting there in silence for a few minutes, he laughed and said, "Oh, this is going to be so much fun."

**Mission Analysis.....**

**- - -Objective 01 - Imminent Failure**

**- - -Objective 02 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 05 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 06 - Completed**

**Mission status - Ongoing**

_-----Author's other note: File four coming soon.....-----_


	23. Mission 20, Still Water, File 1

_-----Author's note: I've been sitting on this story for awhile, now, and think now is a good time to use it. This is Darkside's twentieth mission in name, so I want it to be a good one. I have high hopes for this story! Also, some of you might have noticed but my name is no longer XSerac, but is now Brightsyde. With a new name, hopefully I'll find new inspiration. Probably not, leave me alone._

_I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy.....-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing.....**

**- - -Objective 01 - Develop an intriguing Negima story in under 15,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of drama and mystery.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize the philosopher operative, Ayase Yue.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Utilize the gentlemanly operative, Negi Springfield.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

Yue Ayase slowly went through her things, regarding each individual item with little interest. Each one had their place, but on their own they proved to be pretty unimportant. When they all went together, however, they formed an outfit. She had a pair of sandals.

-

"Your request is a rather difficult one, Yue-kun."

"Headmaster, it really isn't much to ask for, I don't think. My uncle is a professor at Oita university, and his invitation is certainly a good one. At the least you could admit the educational benefits it could have."

The old man nodded a little from behind his desk, "But that's not really the concern. The issue is that you would miss an entire week of school. Granted your current grades, young lady," Yue bowed her head a little at that, "You can't really afford that."

"I believe," The girl started, "That this is a good opportunity for extra credit. I could write you a report on all that I saw and what I learned. It could be like a field trip."

The headmaster smirked playfully, "A field trip, you say? You are aware that for that to be the case, you would need to be accompanied by a teacher, yes?"

"I.....am aware of this," Yue muttered.

"So, you're also aware that because this week is a full school week, that no teacher can accompany you because they all have classes to teach, then?"

"That would pose a problem, wouldn't it?"

"Now, if one teacher could cover the responsibilities of another for a week, then the next issue would be that of funds for this trip."

Yue shook her head, "I've already the money to pay for the trip, myself. My uncle has offered to fly me to Oita, and I'll be staying with him at his estate."

"You're certainly making this a rather easy puzzle, Yue-kun. What if I were to tell you that Takamichi is currently overseas on business and that you needed an adult to accompany you?"

"An adult?" Yue gulped.

"Negi-kun might be a teacher and so he meets that particular requirement, but he can't provide the adult supervision that we need. If something should happen, like a broken bone or some other injury, it would look like we had let you go off recklessly. As an institution, it would be silly to risk that!"

The philosopher nodded. That made sense, even though she couldn't imagine breaking any bones on a field trip to her sweet old uncle's. The disappointing part was that she had been hoping to bring Negi along with her, but if she somehow managed to do that, she'd still need to bring another faculty adult. Getting one teacher's shifts covered would be tough, but two? Let's try and be realistic. Not to mention that Takamichi was away and couldn't help cover. She wasn't keen on taking any of her teachers, as she wasn't really friends with any of them, except for Negi. She rubbed her head a little, thinking. Negi might cover another's shift, but it would have to be something he could actually do. Something maybe he'd done before. She was sure he'd help her if she asked sincerely. There was always.....

"So, Yue-kun? Have you thought of anything, yet?" The headmaster asked in a good-natured tone.

"I might have."

-

A simple purple t-shirt.

-

"You need me to cover that next week?" Negi asked, blinking stupidly, "But what for?"

"I need an adult teacher to come with me, or else I can't go," Yue explained, "Could you please do me this huge favor, Negi-sensei?"

The boy prodigy rubbed the back of his neck, "Gosh, I really want to help you, Yue-san, but....."

And there was the terrible 'but' that meant 'no'.

".....I have to help tutor the Baka Rangers and Nodoka-san, this week. I already swore to them that I would, and Nodoka would be so upset if I cancelled. Believe me, I'd rather take the other class, but I just can't disappoint the others....."

"The Baka Rangers don't want to study or be tutored, trust me, I'm one of them. They won't be disappointed, at all!"

Negi nodded, "I know, but Nodoka-san....."

Yue groaned inwardly. Haruna had come up with the ingenious idea that Nodoka should start letting her scores dip so she could get extra studying time with our favorite little guy, and the sad thing is that the bookish girl went along with it, and that it was actually working. Negi didn't suspect a thing, the poor guy.

"What if Nodoka didn't want the tutoring, either, and just wanted to be there to help the Baka Rangers?" Yue fibbed, "Would you feel differently, then?"

The boy grinned goofily, "Why would Nodoka-san's grades be dipping just so she could go to help the Baka Rangers study? If that's all she wanted, she could have just offered to help!"

"Oh, you know Nodoka. Shy."

Negi brought his sleeve up to his forehead and held it there for a moment. He then lowered it.

"Well, if she would tutor the Baka Rangers minus one, I would be glad to cover the classes for you. Thank goodness you picked one I knew how to do! How did you get him to agree to go with you, though?"

Yue smiled, though it looked like she was standing there blank-faced. "One step at a time, Negi-sensei. One step at a time."

-

A dark blue pair of jeans.

-

"So you see, I'm going to visit my uncle for the week on a field trip, and I just need Negi-sensei to cover those classes! If you'd tutor the Baka Rangers for him, he'll do it!"

Nodoka blushed a little when she said, "But then Haruna's plan will have been for nothing.....And I won't get to....."

"I know, I know, I'm asking you for a big favor, but I really want to go to my uncle's! He's a very smart man, and I'll get to go to college classes there for a whole week!"

"W-Well....." The librarian thought for a moment. If she did it, she would have to miss out on a little time with Negi. In exchange, she would help her best friend and four of her other friends. Not to mention cart Yue out of the Negi picture for an entire week. In one week of uninterrupted and uncomplicated time, she could be getting married! But.....it was mostly the helping thing. "Ok, Yue. I'll tutor them, for you."

Yue threw her arms around her friend, "Thank you, Nodoka! You're a great friend!"

-

A tiny (sigh) white bra.

-

Yue narrowed her eyes when Ayaka opened up her dorm room door.

"Um, what an unexpected surprise, Yue-san," The heiress eyed the extra sternness on Yue's face with distaste, "Is everything ok?"

"You stay away from Negi-sensei while I'm gone."

The blonde raised an eyebrow.

"I mean it."

-

And lastly, but certainly not least, a pair of frilly panties.

-

"I'm trying my damned best to think of a clever way to say 'no', but I just care so little that I can't get past 'What were you thinking, why would I help you?'. .....Huh, that actually wasn't too bad."

"Connor-sensei, I only need your cooperation for one week."

Connor looked Yue up and down, noting that it didn't take very long, what with her being about as big as a midget's child. She had brought him out to the beef bowl he frequented for a free meal. Hell, he knew nothing came free so he expected a crock proposal of some sorts. But this? Come on. No bowl of beef or noodles, or even beef AND noodles, was worth the storm of crap that was the week she wanted him to endure.

"And I only need food, sex, and quiet," Connor retorted, glad he watched that Chris Rock special on Comedy Central, "But I'm only gonna get one of those things if I go along with your little field trip scheme. Unless you've come around to the idea of coming around with me."

"I don't think hell has frozen over, yet, so no."

"Right, and I'm still not attracted to foreheads so big I could advertise on them, so we're at a stalemate. Unless you've got some magical coupon for one miracle I don't know about, thanks for the food, but I'm gonna head out, now," Connor rose to his feet and slung his jacket over his shoulder. When his back was to her, Yue said something he didn't count on.

"May thirtieth."

The man in black stopped.

"2002."

He looked over his shoulder, deathly pale.

"Maastricht."

"Ok, ok, ok! I'll do it, but you can't ever say anything about that!"

Yue nodded, "Done deal."

"Pack your mother-fu-"

-

Yue pushed her suitcase closed, well pleased to find that though it was snug, it all fit. Much like her plan. Every little thing had gone her way, thus far, and so she was satisfied with it. Her flight would be leaving in twelve hours, so she was going to get a good night's sleep before setting off. She thought back her conversation with Negi.

_Negi brought his sleeve up to his forehead and held it there for a moment. Yue could barely see one of the corners of her pactio card. 'Why the need for so much secrecy?' The boy opened the telekinetic link._

'_We need to put up a believable front. We need everyone to really believe that Connor is coming with me, and you are staying behind. This is just in case the old man's listening.' Yue replied hurriedly._

'_Is this really a good idea? You don't honestly think we can fool the headmaster!'_

'_I know we can. We just need Connor-sensei to play his part. And trust me, he will.'_

'_If you think you can get Connor to manage his end, that's great. But you want me to do two illegal things, here, and neither one is a short order!'_

'_Impersonating Connor-sensei until we get to Oita really isn't very difficult. Then all you need to do is stay on the age-deceiving pills during the day for a week. You have enough for that, right?'_

'_I do,' Negi sounded hesitant, 'But I don't understand why we should go through all of this trouble just so I can tag along with you. It would be much, much simpler if I really did cover for Connor and you took him with you. I mean, he's going to be impersonating ME for a week! And covering MY classes! That could be catastrophic!'_

'_I can assure you he will be on the best of behaviors. And I really want you to come with me. This is going to be a huge experience for me, and I.....I want you to be a part of it. Also.....I'd like to spend some time with you. .....Just us.'_

_Negi paused, his hand trembling a little bit on his forehead._

_He then lowered it._

"_Well, if she would tutor the Baka Rangers minus one, I would be glad to cover the classes for you. Thank goodness you picked one I knew how to do! How did you get him to agree to go with you, though?"_

_Yue smiled, though it looked like she was standing there blank-faced. "One step at a time, Negi-sensei. One step at a time."_

**Mission Analysis.....**

**- - -Objective 01 - Ongoing**

**- - -Objective 02 - Ongoing**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**Mission status - Ongoing**


	24. Mission 21, Violets Are Blue

_-----Author's note: Thanks for objective six goes to Midnight Sleeper. I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy.....-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing.....**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a romantic Negima story in under 4,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of romance and drama.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize the support operative, Kakizaki Misa.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Unable to utilize character thought.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Unable to utilize character speech.**

**- - -Objective 06 - Unable to utilize Kagurazaka Asuna or Miyazaki Nodoka.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

Light echoed across the never-ending onyx sky. Diamonds and sapphires scattered across a black blanket. Emotions resonating with such strength that the tears no longer had any meaning. Like the colorful leaves leaving a crinkling sound in their wake as they fluttered by, they were simply there. Whether of happiness or sadness the tears were just water, now. Everything was alright. I wouldn't change my company for the world. Shame on the world if it tried.

-

How did it start? Well, like a lot of stories, it started with a girl. Now this girl, amazing and wonderful as she is, isn't the main character of this story. Sad to say I'm the hero of this one. Ha, hero. More like hapless sap. I never pegged myself for a romantic, and I sure never pegged myself for a sucker. Imagine the irony that it turns out I'm really a big fat romantic sucker. And on top of it all I'm a great guy and an awesome friend. I guess that's the funny thing of it. You can look at yourself all you want, but it's when you see yourself through someone else's eyes that you really get some perspective. I never thought I'd ever be anyone's personal savior, but hey. Perspective.

It was a day like any other. I know, right? How many bad stories start off that way? Well, try and bear with me. I'm not much of a story teller, and no one's ever told me otherwise. You never know. I'm at the point, now, where I think anything's possible. In a couple of years I might be a world-renowned chef, or something. Who knows? Alright, maybe that's a longshot, but you get my point. Thing is a week ago I didn't think I'd be where I am, now. But here I am, looking at the stars and feeling like a completely different person. Don't get me wrong I feel good but, at the same time, I miss the me from a week ago. I wonder if he was happier, or if I'm happier now?

But anyway, I'm getting off-track, here. Maybe that's why I don't get too many requests for stories. Like I said, earlier, it was a day like any other. I dragged my sorry butt out of bed, ate a delicious breakfast made by a girl about a hundred miles above me, and then headed out for the train. I made it on like I always do, tried my best not to sneeze because unexplainable drafts can only be explained away so many times, and dug my heels in for another day on the job.

I'm gonna be frank with you. You seem like a nice enough person (And I'm sure you've got better things to do then listen to me drone on and on), so it'd just be a waste of both mine and your time if I picked around things too much. I love my job. When I say I dug my heels in, it's only because I need to have a good foothold. Heavens knows I need to have a good foothold. I'm a teacher at Mahora Academy. Quite the exciting job, isn't it? .....No? Oh, well, clearly there's been a mis-communication. Allow me to elaborate.

I work as both an English and home room teacher to my class, 3-A. What makes it such an interesting endeavor is that the class is in an all-girls school. That, of course, means my class is an all-girls class. And just so you don't get any funny ideas about some girl-on-girl stuff, I am an English gentleman. Emphasis on gentleman. If you were looking for some of the aforementioned.....ahem, entertainment, then I'm afraid your search will have to go on a little longer. This isn't that kind of story. If you're looking for a story in which an unlikely romance blossoms, well, I'd say sit tight and try not to hurt me for being so slow about it.

So I get into my classroom, ready to try and teach these girls I love something that they will hopefully retain for a day or two, and then I see it. It's one of the most perplexing scenes you'll ever encounter. A crying girl. A lot of people say a lot of things about what it's like to see a girl cry. Let me tell you straight, it's terrible. If you care about the girl at all, heck, even if you don't, it's just terrible. There's nothing beautiful or touching about it. It leaves you with an empty feeling in your stomach.

I don't know exactly what it was. Even now I couldn't tell you if I went on forever. But seeing her, sitting there with her friends around her, she was like a different person. Honestly, to me and everyone else in that room, she was. Even though they wouldn't ever say it, especially not then, seeing her like that made us all see her differently. It made us see ourselves differently, too. I'd bet a year's salary everyone in that room wondered how they would handle that situation, themselves. Would they handle it better or worse than their crying friend? In that day we all used her as a means to measure ourselves and think about ourselves and make ourselves more important. And sure each person has, well, an enormous stake in their own self, but that doesn't make it any easier on my conscience. There I go, making it about me, again.....

The crying girl's name is Misa Kakizaki. She's a cheerleader, her test scores put her in the upper four-hundreds (Out of a little more than seven-hundred third-year students), and she had just had her heart broken. Of the thirty-one girls under my charge, she was the only one that I knew of who had a boyfriend. Well, haha, HAS a boyfriend, I suppose I should say. I guess that's the glory of relationships. You never can tell how they're gonna pan out. Keeps it interesting. Lord knows I couldn't have predicted what would happen.

I let Misa go early, but felt I needed to go a step further. I like to think that's what sets me apart from other teachers. Heck, even other friends. I always want to go that extra mile for the people I care about. Maybe that's why things happened the way they did. Not that I'm complaining, of course, just musing. I told the rest of the class to spend the period studying for next week's test, and escorted miss Kakizaki to the Dean's office, where I secured for her a signed day's off from the headmaster. He owed me a favor for when I.....well, I suppose I don't need to go into every little detail.

If there's one thing I've learned since my coming to Mahora, it's that girls like to talk. With the exception of, say, Chisame and your occasional other girl. It's when a girl that would normally talk your ear off just stops talking to you altogether that you should start worrying. She may as well have been a padlocked chest and all I had on me was a popsicle stick to pry it open. It was that thought that made me think I should take her out for ice cream. If I couldn't get her to share what had happened between her and her boyfriend, well, I could try and help her forget about it. Made sense.

I asked Takamichi to cover for me, and then we were off. Once I managed to steer the topic well away from her ex, she started to open up for me. We talked about things like her band, her cheerleading, you know. The basic 'what do you like to do' conversation. Nothing really struck me. I felt like I always did towards her. My student, my acquaintance. I'm not even sure I can pinpoint when I stopped seeing her as either of those. The further away it gets, the less I'm sure I didn't always feel the way I do, now. Anyway, by the end of the ice cream run, her ex wasn't even in the back of my mind. As far as I know he wasn't in the back of hers, either. She invited me to go out singing with her and her friends, that night. I agreed to go.

No, don't worry. I didn't fall for her when she started singing. She didn't sound like an angel, and light didn't come down in streams all around her. Actually, it was quite the opposite. At first I thought a cat had gotten run over somewhere nearby. Alright, that's an over-exaggeration, but at least you know what I'm trying to say. We all laughed at each other, encouraged each other, ate a bunch of greasy food, and just had a good time. The mission for the night was to have her forget. Have her just lose herself in her friends and be happy. I'd gladly say mission accomplished.

So we go back to their dorm. Now, it's late. The curfew isn't just broken, it's shattered into a billion pieces. I try and give them a speech about responsibility and following the rules, but they aren't listening, at all. They yank me into their room. I know what you're thinking. Rape, oh no! But don't worry, nothing like that happened. We watched some dopey old drama movies. At one point, we turned the noise off completely and each took up roles, giving our characters lines. It was a mess, but it was fun and we all had our share of laughs. Eventually, we wore ourselves out and fell asleep. Well, I fell asleep.

When I woke up the next morning, I was tucked into Misa's bed and she was holding onto me like I was an oversized stuffed animal. Of course I was startled and I tried to get away. She held on tight, though, and she whispered to me. She asked me not to go. It wasn't like how she usually talked; playful, flirtatious, jokingly. It was sad, and it was sincere. So I didn't leave. I took her hand in mine and held onto it, squeezing it so she knew I was there for her. Come on, wouldn't you have done the same thing? I knew her heart was hurting, and that hurt me. She pressed her face between my shoulder blades. I could feel the tears start to dampen my shirt, though just barely. Her slight shudders and restrained sniffles are what really told me she was crying. She didn't want to wake up her friends. She didn't want them to see her cry. She probably didn't want me to see, either. To even know. And it was there, if I really think about it, that I realized my own heart was sore. Holding her hand as tightly yet as gently as I could, I realized that I might have feelings for Misa.

Developing feelings for someone is crazy. I mean, shouldn't you be able to pick who you have feelings for? There should be a set of rules to make it easier. Like.....You can't develop feelings for people you have to work with. Or you can't develop feelings for your students or your teachers. You can't develop feelings for someone who doesn't have feelings for you. If it worked like that, the world would be a much nicer place, I think. It would definitely make more sense. But just because I was starting to think that maybe I felt something for Misa didn't mean I just magically did, and suddenly everything was different. We still all got up that morning at the alarm, and we all still went to school like we would have, anyway. Just because things were different in my head didn't mean they were different everywhere else. It was like.....confusion had set in for me, but the rest of the world was oblivious to it.

So, naturally, the smart thing for me to have done would have been to talk it out with someone. Take some time and figure out what was going on. Slow things down a notch. I never even had a chance. After home room, that day, Madoka asked me for some help. She asked me over to help her study for the upcoming test I mentioned, earlier. I couldn't tell her no simply because I wanted to try and avoid her roommate. For all I knew, Misa wouldn't even be there. Stupid of me, huh?

Naturally, all three cheerleaders were there. And though it shouldn't have been to my surprise, all three of them were in need of tutoring, not just Madoka. So we prepared to study, got out all the right books and all the materials we needed, got drinks and snacks, the whole nine yards. Then we played board games for four hours. Rather predictable. But it was fun and I felt myself getting closer to all three of them, not just Misa. It was late by this time, and my own roommates would be wondering what I was doing, or even who, if I know my excitable class at all. I bid them my farewell, much to their protests, and left.

I didn't get far, however, before Madoka caught up to me. We spoke briefly, but it was an important conversation and one that made something click in my mind. She told me that the real reason she asked me over wasn't for study, but for help. Sakurako and Madoka were trying to keep Misa preoccupied, because she got upset whenever she slowed down. I guess it was like if she kept moving and doing things, she was alright. But if she stopped, the feelings caught up to her. She used that morning as an example, when Misa was crying. I had no idea she knew about that and Misa didn't, either. Madoka said nothing, but was helping her friend the best she could without even letting her know. Sakurako, too. And that's when I thought that the brokenhearted cheerleader was really very lucky.

I guess it goes along with what I said earlier, about people using each other as a means to measure themselves. We might do that, we might make it about ourselves, even without really meaning to. That's the easy part. The hard part is consciously choosing to do something to help. Not just saying oh poor her, or that's too bad, but actually trying to make a difference. When I thought about it like that, I realized there had been lots of times when I could have helped someone, but all I did was watch them and think what I would have done differently. Madoka had chosen to help her friend, with little likelihood of a thanks because she was doing it without telling anyone about it. Not counting myself, of course. I gained a newfound respect for her, that night. And in making it about me, once more, I hope she found a new respect for me.

The next morning I woke up like the last, in Misa's slender arms. She cried again, and again tried to hide it. The next four days went similarly. I spent time with them after school, and Misa always seemed so happy. But every morning, she would cry as though the previous night had never happened. I didn't know what was wrong. On the fifth night, I tried to leave because I couldn't stand what I knew would follow in the morning. This time, it was Sakurako who followed after me.

I explained to her that I just couldn't do it anymore, that it made me very upset that everything we did was ultimately proven worthless the next morning. Sakurako told me, then, that Misa was hurting because she loved that boy who broke her heart. She said that people are born with an empty spot inside of them, something that can only be filled with love. She went on to say that people are only really happy when someone loves them, and when that love is taken away they become very sad because they remember how happy they were. If we kept filling the empty spot with our love, that she would eventually get better. I asked her how she knew all of this, but a sad smile was the only response I got.

I suppose that this goes along with what I said earlier about love and how it should have a set of rules. I now believe that there is a set of rules, and that they are the things I listed. You don't develop feelings for people at work, people who have no interest in you, your teachers, etc. But these rules aren't the rules of love, they are the rules of society. The thing of it is, you don't pick who you fall in love with. You pick whether or not you act on the feelings, and that's all.

The next morning, Misa cried again. This saddened me, but Sakurako's explanation helped me understand why. She had an empty spot inside of her, now, and it hurt. It made sense to me that the only thing that could make the hurting stop was to fill the empty spot. I thought that I could be the one to do that. I knew I wanted to be the one to do that. Not out of some misguided teacher-student obligation, but because I wanted her to fill the empty spot in my heart, too. So that day, after class, I went out and bought some flowers.

Madoka had asked me over again, and this time I knew what to do. I planned out a love declaration speech, dressed in something she had helped me pick out the other day, and finally opened myself up to the awkward feelings I'd been having over the last few days. Flowers in hand, I opened up her dorm room door.

-

Light echoed across the never-ending onyx sky. Diamonds and sapphires scattered across a black blanket. Emotions resonating with such strength that the tears no longer had any meaning. Like the colorful leaves leaving a crinkling sound in their wake as they fluttered by, they were simply there. Whether of happiness or sadness the tears were just water, now. Everything was alright. I wouldn't change my company for the world. Shame on the world if it tried.

**Mission Analysis.....**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 05 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 06 - Completed**

**Mission status - Completed; Darkside awaiting further orders.....**


	25. Mission 22, Blood Transfusion

_-----Author's note: I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy.....-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing.....**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a romantic Negima story in under 5,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of romance and comedy.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Take a page from fellow operative Midnight Sleeper's book. Utilize a body switch.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

"Negi, you do remember the last time you tried to make this potion, right? Two-week coma ringing any bells?"

"Of course not. I was sleeping, after all."

Kotaro and his good buddy Negi were, at the moment, preparing a potion to increase mental capacity by up to ten times. Negi figured that would bring Kotaro up to par with everyone else and Kotaro figured that's what Negi needed, himself, if he were stupid enough to try this again. Then, on the other hand, there was one big difference to the potion this time. Well, honestly, that difference was not so much part of the potion as it was part of the audience. Negi had decided that in the unfortunate event of another explosion it would be good to have a healer nearby.

"Negi-kun, put that in there, too! This is fun!" Konoka waved her wand at a random tuft of thistle her teacher had brought with him.

"Konoka-san, it's not time to put that in, yet. Believe it or not," Negi started, "The order in which you mix the potion is very important. I could wind up with a variety of different potions depending on how long I mix, what order I mix, how long in-between ingredients, the level of heat and pressure, even the time of day!"

"Guess that explains why we had to wait until exactly 11:11 to start, huh?" Kotaro shrugged indifferently.

"Yes," Negi nodded once, raising his finger and smiling, "That's exactly correct. Maybe you don't need this potion, after all, Kotaro."

The wolf-boy nodded, but the smile quickly vanished from his face. "Wait, this potion's for ME!?"

"Of course it is! You think I need a brain-booster potion? Honestly....."

"You want me to drink the thing that blew up in your face and put you out of commission for two whole freaking weeks? Two questions: What are you smoking and where can I get some?"

Negi groaned, standing up and turning to bicker with Kotaro, "Don't be such a jerk! I'm doing you a big favor!"

"I don't think I'm stupid, so I don't want your stupid magic help! Stupid!"

And so began the inevitable spiral into everything failing.

Konoka, who had never stopped eyeing that thistle, decided that since Negi was just too busy to finish his potion, that she would move in and help. After all, he had told her that time was of the essence! So, being the helpful girl that she is, Konoka tiptoed up to the picnic blanket that held all of the ingredients and gingerly picked up the thistle. Slowly and carefully, she brought it over the bubbling black liquid in the biggest glass thingy, and let it go.

-

Haruna noticed Nodoka sit upright, stiff and alert as though something in the world had just gone terribly wrong. "What is it, Nodoka? Got a chill, or something?"

"No," The librarian replied quietly, "My Negi-senses are tingling....."

"Oh, geez," The taller girl grunted, "Have you scheduled the appointment to get that checked out, yet?"

-

Kotaro lay flat on his back, staring up through the smoke and towards the sunny blue sky. Big shocker, the potion had once again exploded. He sat upright and looked around. The smoke was thinning and, luckily, Konoka and Negi seemed to be alright. They were both sitting there, groaning and rubbing their heads. "Nice job there, Negi," The wolf muttered, "You blew us all up, again."

"Don't start with me, right now," Konoka shot at the boy.

"I wasn't talking to you, girl! When I want something from you, I'll look in the kitchen!"

"I didn't say anything!" Negi pouted, "Don't be so mean to me, Kotaro-kun!"

"I'm gonna keep being mean to you, you klutz!" He stomped over to Negi and kicked him upside the head, "Quit trying to blow me up!"

Negi sprawled over onto his side after the kick and started crying. This made Kotaro feel a little bad about it, but mostly it made him confused. "Don't be such a baby, Negi, geez. Sister, you saw that, right? It wasn't all that bad." Konoka was staring at the crying Negi, wide-eyed and terrified. A look that Kotaro took as a sign to worry. "R-Right? I didn't break him, or anything, did I!?"

"Kotaro....." Konoka whispered, "I'M Negi!"

-

Mana noticed Setsuna sit upright, stiff and alert as though something in the world had just gone terribly wrong. "What is it, Setsuna? Got a chill, or something?"

"No," The guardian replied quietly, "My Ojou-sama-senses are tingling....."

"Oh," The taller girl grunted, "I forgot you and her were like that. .....That reminds me, would you be upset if I stopped taking baths when you were in there? Just wondering."

-

"Ok," Kotaro took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He had managed to get his two friends back to Negi's dorm. At least some odd form of luck was on their side, as Asuna wasn't there. "Everything is gonna be ok."

"Everything is NOT gonna be ok!" Konoka cried out in Negi's voice, "I'm attracted to myself and it's showing!"

"How's it showing?" Negi, in Konoka's voice, asked, "You're not doing anything....."

"She's pitchin' a tent, there, buddy," Kotaro grimaced, covering his eyes and looking away.

"Oh, bollocks," Negi noticed his poor old body was, indeed, in a more manly state than he was proud to admit. That's when it really dawned on him. He slowly turned his eyes downward. There they were. Both of them. He looked back up at his Konoka-infested body, then back down at himself. "I've lost a pair of testicles," He muttered, "And gained a pair of breasts."

"If this weren't such a bad situation I'd say it was time for a marriage joke, but we'll do that later!" Kotaro grunted. "Now how are we gonna fix this? We definitely can NOT leave it the way it is!"

Konoka reached down and poked her newest external member through the pants, "How do you make it go back down?" She pouted.

"I could ask you the same thing," Negi replied, still looking at his breasts. He was now putting his fingers over the tips of them, "I swear, you could hang a coat off of these things....."

"Negi!" The wolf barked, smacking him upside the head.

"I'm not kidding!" The teacher replied, grabbing Kotaro's hand and making him feel, "See!? I could put someone's eye out with that thing!"

"Negi-kun, stop that!" Konoka yelped, confused and more than a little creeped out at seeing herself groped.

"Actually, it feels kind of good," Negi chuckled, turning red and removing Kotaro's hand.

"I'll say," Kotaro agreed, "If it weren't so creepy I'd say let's keep going." He paused to think for a second, "You know, it's really not THAT creepy....."

"Kotaro!" The two switched people protested loudly.

"Right, too far, sorry. Anyway, how are we gonna fix this?" He asked, "Is there an antidote you can make, or something?"

Negi shook her head, "I suppose, but it would take me longer to make an antidote than it would to simply wait it out. The best way to go about this is to have it dispelled or wait for the potion to wear off on its own."

"Well who could dispel it for us?"

"The headmaster guy?" Kotaro offered.

"NO!" Both parties objected.

"If he finds out what I did I'll get into so much trouble! I could lose my job! No, I WOULD lose my job!" Negi whimpered.

"If he finds out what happened he'll think I want a sex change! I won't be able to convince him a second time that I don't!" Konoka's eyes started to well up.

"Maybe that blonde vampire girl?"

"NO!" Both parties objected.

"If she finds out what I did she'll ridicule me and suck Konoka-san.....I mean me, dry!" Negi cried.

"If she finds out what happened she'll think I'm a lesbian! I won't be able to convince her a second time that I'm not!" Konoka started to cry.

"Oh, come on," Kotaro scoffed, "You're not fooling anybody."

"It looks like we're just gonna have to wait for it to wear off on its own, then," Negi said, "We just can't let anyone know that we've switched bodies, and we'll be fine."

"But how long is that gonna take?" Konoka asked, "Set-chan and I are supposed to go shopping, later!" She then gasped in terror, "SET-CHAN! You can't tell her about this! She'll get so upset if she found out I was in someone else! Promise you won't tell!"

"And it's not in the least bit creepy how you implied that you'd been inside her with that last sentence," Kotaro interrupted.

"I'd say at least four hours, but maybe up to twenty-four," The teacher answered somberly, ignoring Kotaro, "The ingredients I had were good ones, but not top of the line. We've been switched, but it's certainly not permanent and it shouldn't have an unbearably long life span. At any rate, we-"

"Promise meeee!" Konoka squealed.

"You don't even need to ask! I don't want people to know that I.....have girly parts....."

It was at this point in time that the dorm room door flew open. Haruna and Nodoka stormed in (Haruna stormed, Nodoka sort of meekly followed) and approached whom they believed to be Negi. Haruna paused long enough to point at him then thrust her thumb over her shoulder to Nodoka. She then did a couple of waist thrusts with a big smile. She nodded as if to ask 'yes?'. Konoka, not wanting to hurt her case in Negi's eyes for not being a lesbian, shook her head no thanks. Haruna mouthed 'That's cool', grabbed the Konoka-filled boy by the arm and ran off with her, Nodoka in tow.

The Negi-filled Konoka blinked a couple of times and then asked, "Did my body just get kidnaped?"

"I'm more concerned about how the narrator just used 'Negi-filled' as an adjective for Konoka," Kotaro replied simply.

Negi then asked what any of us would, "Wait, you know what an adjective is?"

Kotaro then asked what hopefully none of us would have, "Can I touch you?"

Luckily, the door flew back open and this time Setsuna came barging in, a strange resolve burning in her eyes. She looked from Konoka to Kotaro, the fire doused to confusion. "Am I interrupting something, Ojou-sama?"

"Not yet," The wolf muttered.

"O-Of course not!" Negi yelped, jumping over to Setsuna's side, "Now let's get out of here and shop, Setsuna-s.....S-Set-chan!" He took her by the arm and hurried out the door with her.

"Hey!" Kotaro called after them, "You know I was just kidding, right?" The door slammed shut. "Geez, can't nobody take a joke around here....."

-

Haruna, completely unfazed by running what must have been over a mile with Negi over her shoulder, practically threw the poor boy gone girl into the wide open doors to Library Island. Right after having done this, she introduced Nodoka's bottom to the sole of her shoe. The two did not get along well, and Nodoka went sprawling onto the ground after her teacher. The mangaka slammed the doors shut and whipped up a padlock in her magical notebook. Before the two stuck in the building could say 'hijacked', they were locked in. "And don't even try for the windows, because in the next ten seconds, they're all gonna be well on guard from my sentinels of LOVE!" The girl shrieked evilly.

Konoka groaned, pulling himself to his feet. "She's too rough, sometimes.....And did she really lock us in here? I've watched enough anime so I know what the sound of a padlock locking someone into a room sounds like, but I can still barely believe it just happened....."

Nodoka tried to pull the door open, but to no avail. "I think she was really serious, this time," The librarian sighed.

"Serious about what?" Konoka asked innocently, tilting his head to the side.

"Serious.....A-About you and I.....T-Talking about m-my f-f-f-feelings....."

Konoka dove for the closest window, pulling himself up to try and escape. Who had windows that were up too high to open at a comfortable stand-still, anyway!? As soon as his head peeked up to where he could see outside, a pink laser beam shot through the glass and blasted him in the face. And so Konoka found himself on the floor, shards of glass raining down all around him.

"I told you not to bother!" Haruna yelled from somewhere outside.

"I feel sorry for Negi-sensei," Konoka whimpered, rubbing his face.

"A-Are you ok?" Nodoka asked quietly, kneeling down beside her beloved teacher. Konoka could easily read the overwhelming love and concern in her eyes. Also, the waves of 'please love me back' were crashing down on him about as hard as a boulder rolled off the side of a skyscraper.

"So sorry," Konoka repeated.

-

Negi and Setsuna were walking along hand in hand, much to the poor lass's confusion. Negi had always thought that Konoka was the one to enforce all of the hand holding and the cootie-love-fest that had inspired so many rumors of sabotaged dates with older men, potential eloping, and experimenting of the nature that Negi couldn't quite comprehend. Despite this, she had done no hand-holding supporting. Setsuna was the one holding on and not letting go. And something in her eyes was far different from the Setsuna she knew and loved. Maybe this is just how she was when she was with Konoka, and the teacher was only just seeing it because, well, he was Konoka.

The two friends (Hopefully just friends) were in the shopping district and doing something that Negi was only absolutely slain by: Clothes shopping. But what could she do about it? She'd promised that she wouldn't let Setsuna know about what had happened, and she didn't want the guardian to find out, either. Heck, she had brought Konoka along for a potion experiment that had led to, not for the first time, an explosion that had catastrophic magical repercussions. Setsuna wouldn't take too kindly to that, she assumed, so it was best for everyone if she never found out about it, anyway. So she'd play the part as best she could and hope for the best. Even if that meant shopping for girl's clothing.

And it did.

"Ojou-sama, why don't you try that on?"

"O-Oh, really? That? You think I should try that one on?"

"And this.....this.....this one.....definitely this one.....You'd look so cute in this.....this one....."

"Um, ok, uh, I'll do that, then....."

It was unexplainable. It turned out that Setsuna was the one to be all girly! Unless.....something terrible was going on.....She turned to stare at her companion, looking for the terrible signs that she had been warned about. They were all there. Eyes shimmering. Cheeks just barely flushed. Little sparkles raining down around them. A high-pitched Japanese girl singing softly in the background. Setsuna had it. She had the schoolgirl love-sparkle. Negi swallowed her panic and grabbed all of the offered clothes. "I'll be right back!" She promised, diving into the dressing rooms.

Breathing hard as she did, she started to undress. What was she going to do? She couldn't let on that she was actually a he trapped in a she body, but she definitely didn't like her odds of surviving the day without a kiss. Or an awkward love confession. Especially that one. If Setsuna was going to bare her soul to Konoka, it should actually BE to Konoka! And.....What was she doing? The button to the top of her jeans had been undone and the zipper went down slowly after it, while she watched in transfixed wonder. The pants slid down to her ankles, and she gingerly stepped out of them. Negika, the brilliant name she had come up with for herself in this state, then reached down and lifted her shirt over her head. There was a mirror in there that allowed her to look at herself.

The gentle curves. The shimmery black hair that flowed all over, tickling her back when she moved. She knew what she had to do. This was the perfect time for Negi to live out a fantasy that might otherwise not ever be realized. And come on, can you blame the poor kid? The real Konoka would never have to find out. Heck, no one would. It would be Negi's personal secret. So as to make it as realistic as possible, she quickly put all of her clothes back on and grabbed the 'five items or less' tag off of the door. Then, seductively as you like, she looked into the mirror and whispered, "Negi-kun.....There's something I want to tell you."

She dropped to all fours, and inched closer to the mirror ever so slowly, staring into her own eyes in the mirror, "I've wanted this for so long, and.....I think you have too....." Then, in her best Negi voice (Which should have been pretty good), she said, "What is it, Konoka-san?"

She giggled, "Negi-kun.....No, Negi-sensei.....I want you to see something....." She undid the top button of her blouse, sticking her hand down to unseen places. Then, smoothly, she pulled out the 'five items or less' tag, offering it out to the mirror, "My grades have improved, again, Negi-sensei. And it's all thanks to you." In Negi's voice, "Konoka-san, I'm very proud of you. But it was your hard work that made your grades improve."

Negi laughed softly, "No, sensei, there's more! Asuna's grades went up, too. She's in the top hundred, now!"

She couldn't help it. Shivering in delight, she muttered, "Oh, yeah.....that's the stuff....."

Done playing, she rose back to her feet and paid full attention to the mirror. And now, the mirror gave her a crisis.

"Setsuna!" She cried in terror, reaching down.

In a flash, Setsuna was in the dressing room and the door was hanging on one hinge. Her sword was glinting with an angry bloodlust, "What is it, Ojou-sama!?"

"I'm bleeding!" Negi gasped, starting to breathe hard. Panic was setting in.

"Did you cut yourself?" Setsuna asked softly, sheathing her blade.

"No!"

"Where's the wound?"

"In my.....in my panties....."

Setsuna stood there in a momentary stupor, then glanced downwards. Negi moved her hands away to reveal that there was a tiny red spot on the panties in question. The guardian nodded a little bit, "Come to think of it, it has been about a month since your last time."

"Since my last what!? Are you telling me that I.....Um.....sorry, can you help me fix.....it?"

"Are you alright, Ojou-sama? You're acting rather different than normal," Setsuna asked, tilting her head to the side just barely.

"Funny, I feel kind of different. Maybe if we stopped the bleeding....." Negi muttered weakly, starting to sweat. He didn't know what the hell was going on! He was pretty sure that none of the downstairs equipment should be bleeding. This was just perfect. He'd been in Konoka's body for less than two hours and he'd already broke it!

Setsuna reached into her pocket and pulled out a crinkly wrapper, the contents of which Negi did not know. "Here. I thought you might be close, so I brought one in case." She offered it, "Give me the wrapper when you're done, ok?"

And so, Setsuna closed the door behind her. Negi didn't have much time to wonder how the heck the broken hinge had been fixed, because he now had a big band-aid of some sort to fix his bleeding. He unwrapped it to find that it was.....A blue torpedo-shaped object. "What in the bloody hell is this thing?" He inspected the strange plastic mechanism with interest, discovering a button! "Eureka!" He grinned, slowly pushing the button. As he did, the end of the tube opened up and a bit of cotton poked its way out. He stopped the pressure on the button and eyeballed the cotton in complete mesmerization. After several long seconds of contemplation, he concluded, "This thing is useless."

-

Konoka wove in and out of the rows of bookcases, Nodoka hot on his heels.

"Negi-sensei! Accept my feelings for you!" She cried.

Konoka wrenched an armful of books down into Nodoka's path as he sprinted along, "I'm not rejecting them!"

"Then stop running!" The librarian shouted whilst vaulting over the books.

"Nope, I'm good!" Konoka found he was break-necking into a dead end, and knew it was time for drastic measures. It was time to showcase his (Negi's) finely honed ninja skills. He lunged up at the bookcase and ran up two steps before kicking off and flipping over Nodoka, who crashed into the bookcase. The fleeing boy landed as quiet as a cat and resumed his escape in the opposite direction. Once he reached top speed, he took back to the air and double-jumped off the side of another bookcase, which was sent crashing to the ground. He made it to the top of the opposite bookcase of the aisle and kept running like the devil were after him. The boy jumped from bookcase to bookcase until he came within reach of one of the many chandeliers in the building. For the third time he took flight, soaring high above the library floor to grab onto the crystalline object. The robot sentries of LOVE outside spotted him, and began to fire pink lasers through the windows. Shimmering glass rained down while neon beams carved up the air all around him. Konoka swung around on the chandelier once before letting go and flying through the glittering shards to another one. His previous chandelier plummeted to the ground, making a deafening crash as it shattered into a million pieces. Konoka quickly left the second chandelier as well, this time flipping while he sped towards the ground and certain capture! Everything slowed down as he began to gather energy in his hand, the bits of glass repelled by the sheer power accumulating in his grasp. With a mighty thrust, the floor that would have greeted him exploded under the magic and Konoka began a free fall into the dark depths of Library Island.

"Negi-kun!" Konoka cried as he fell, "Your life is hard!"

He reached out and caught onto a pipe. It burned him and broke under the sudden weight, but it still gave him just enough momentum to swing onto the nearby stairwell. He hit the ground and wound up rolling down a half-flight of stairs. Before he got up, he wondered when the Library started to feel like an underground parking lot. Nodoka reached down to help him up, "Are you alright, Negi-sensei?"

"How the crap did you catch me!?"

"Nobody knows this place better than me, Negi-sensei. Now, it's really time to talk....."

Konoka gulped, "Ok.....I guess it can't be helped." What was the worst thing that could happen, right? It was just talk.....

-

"Are you alright, Ojou-sama? Is it really that bad?"

Negi was holding her stomach as she lurched along, "Ugh, I'm so crampy.....Girls really have to deal with this every month? I-I mean, that hardly seems fair. Boys are so lucky. So, so, so lucky....."

Setsuna gave a concerned smile, "Are you absolutely certain nothing's wrong, Ojou-sama? You're acting very strangely."

"It's my hormones!" Negi explained quickly, "I'm not quite feeling myself, hahaha....."

"Yes, I can tell," The guardian led her charge into a little café so they could sit. Once they had done so, she continued, "I always can."

"Can what?"

"Tell. When something's the matter with you."

"Oh, well, um.....You don't know the half of it," Negi tried to kill the oncoming sentimentality before he got into dangerous territory.

"Ojou-sama.....Kono-chan....."

And that pretty much spelled end game. Kono-chan? Come on, this wasn't even fair. Negi wondered where all of the moment-killing-stalkers were. Normally, someone that had been spying would randomly get busted or would jump in to stop everything! This was terrible! Girls had no luck!

"We need to have a talk," Setsuna said.

Negi gulped, "Ok, I guess it can't be helped. I'm too crampy to run." What was the worst thing that could happen, right? It was just talk.....

_Elsewhere, at this exact moment....._

"So you see, that's what happened. They're just both too scared to tell you."

Konoemon sighed, shaking his head, "I knew she wanted a sex change.....I just didn't want to believe it."

"In her defense," Kotaro shrugged, "She is surrounded by tons of other hot girls."

After staring in surprise for several seconds, the headmaster asked, "Are you sure nothing happened to you in the explosion, Kotaro-kun?"

"Nope. I'm not in anybody else's body. .....'Cause I can't find any takers," The wolf scowled, "Say, can you tell me where Chizune works? I'm sure she'd let me in."

Slowly, Konoemon reached for his drawer, "Um, yes, Kotaro-kun, just let me dispel the potion, first. It's really a very simple matter. It will be instantaneous, and no one will even notice the switch back. Aren't things the best when there are no unfortunate complications?"

**Mission Analysis.....**

**- - -Objective 01 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**Mission status - Completed; Darkside awaiting further orders.....**


	26. Mission 03, Death To Darkside, File 4

_-----Author's note: As usual, this particular story is full of in-jokes, original characters, and several fanfic authors. You have been warned. I do not own Negima, but any other characters and ideas are my own. Enjoy.....-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing.....**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a perverted Negima story in under 5,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of comedy and horror, optional romance.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize only the young tech specialist, Chisame Hasegawa. All other students are off limits.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Educate the masses in immorality.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Warn fellow operative Eternal-Longing not to read this story.**

**- - -Objective 06 - Take a page from fellow operative Ansem's book. Destroy the fourth wall.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

Clyde Metro. Blond, had a pimp hat, and typically found himself in the presence of approximately thirty girls. Hell, he even slept in the same dorm as three of them. What you're thinking is only natural; This guy must have more booty than Davy Jones. You, sir or madame, would be incorrect.

Azureshot. Elite pervert (Though he tries to hide it from the ladies), fanfiction author, resident lurker, and a listener of not System of a Down. He is also known to some as the evil Doujin Man, who goes around corrupting the youth and destroying innocence with tentacles. Not his own, but still. What you're thinking is only natural; This guy sounds like a horrible teammate who would betray and likely doom his allies. You, sir or madame, would be correct.

The Ansem Man. Reference Artist, fanfiction author, and a guy who knows how to handle his Wii. He has been dumped into pits of fangirls more often than you, which means once, and has survived to tell the tale. What you're thinking is only natural; This guy's gonna kill him some bitches. You, sir or madame, would be correct.

Cygnus. The Devil's Swan, the token black man, the one more obsessed with darkness than Ayaka is obsessed with Negi. What you're thinking is only natural; If any of the main characters in this story dies, you just know he's gonna be first. You, sir or madame, would be correct.

Koremitsu. World hopper, skirt chaser, and basically that guy you don't want to take to any upper class parties because he'll quickly become that guy that nobody will admit to knowing because he can't help but flirt with every girl he meets. Even the one getting married. What you're thinking is only natural; After Cygnus dies, this clown's next in line. You, sir or madame, would be incorrect.

Tsutomu Teruko. Evil, anti-evil, fanfiction author, and romancer of original characters. Think of the nicest girl you know, then smash that thought together with that girl who threatens you with violence and blackmail to get you to do things for her. Yeah, there you go. What you're thinking is only natural; I'm never going to understand girls. You, sir, would be correct. If you're a madame, then you're never going to understand sports. Breaking even.

Chisame Hasegawa. Computer hacker, Negi's partner, a sociopath, and someone who never learned how not to be rude to everyone that didn't worship her. None of these people were on their knees, either.

"Tell me again why we picked the people we picked for this," The canon character asked, "I honestly don't get our decisions, now."

The group was on the outskirts of the Train Station. The Flame Plains was to be their first destination. From where they were, they could actually make out the pillars of fire and brimstone licking the sky.

"Alright," Tsutomu nodded, waving one of the group over, "Cygnus, come here." Cygnus did as he was beckoned. "Take off your shirt, if you would," The girl patted him on the head.

"Last time someone told me to take my shirt off, I wound up-"

"Less talking, more...less shirt."

With a shrug of relative indifference, the OC did as he was told. Tsutomu produced a stick of chalk, and began to write on Cygnus' iron, but beefy, black chest.

"Goddamn," Koremitsu whistled as the chalk scraped away at the guy, who was serving rather well as a blackboard, "He is one cut brotha."

"Don't call me that," Cygnus muttered.

"I just used my powers to beef him up a little..." Tsutomu admitted, still writing.

"I didn't know you were a baseball player, boss," Clyde laughed, "Who's your supplier?"

"Greg Anderson. BUT! That's unimportant. You guys all line up behind Cygnus, here, so I can explain your roles to Chisame AND you." Once this had been accomplished, Tsutomu went on, "First off we have our Red Mage, Clyde Metro!"

"I'm more of a...Green Mage, boss," The blond offered.

"Why didn't we get a Black Mage or a White Mage? They're always better than the Red Mages in every RPG ever," Chisame grunted.

"Well, we sort of got a Black Mage. We got ourselves a Dark Knight!" Tsutomu tapped Cygnus on the chest with the tip of her chalk, grinning.

"Leaping land-lizards, Batman!" Koremitsu laughed.

"The one that talks too much is the...?"

"Koremitsu would be our Thief! Fast and tricky!"

The hacker nodded, "The little bastard fits the bill. What about the two authors, then?"

Tsutomu motioned at the two, first at Azure and then at Ansem, "The easiest way to say it is like this. Think of Azure as Tidus, and think of Ansem as Auron. You know, Final Fantasy X."

"Oh, HELL no!" Koremitsu barked, "That makes me Rikku!"

Clyde looked at Cygnus, and Cygnus could feel the piercing stare through the back of his head, so turned slightly to meet it, but not so much as to mess up Tsutomu's writings. Clyde nodded a little bit, then said, "From now on, I'm calling you Paine."

"Shut the hell up, Lulu."

"Hey, GREEN Mage, thank you very much!"

Chisame ignored the now bickering team she had assembled, and asked Tsutomu, "So who does that make you?"

"I'd be Yuna, of course!" The girl replied happily, giving a thumbs up.

"...So does that mean we get to hook up in a lake?" Azure asked, raising his hand as if he needed permission to speak.

"No," Tsutomu replied sweetly, "But it means I can sick Bahamut on your ass."

"Flames," Chisame muttered.

"It means..." Tsutomu groaned, "I can sick...Valefor on your ass?"

"Yeah, you can see how everyone's visibly shaken from that threat," Ansem yawned. He stuck his hands in his pockets and started walking, "Come on, that artifact isn't going to put itself back together."

They all followed Ansem's lead. Azureshot leaned over to Koremitsu and whispered, "Dude, tell me if you spot a lake."

The next few hours would be spent traversing through the dangerous wastelands, but the Almighty Hyphen will spare you reading about it.

-

See?

"I'm so glad we didn't have to spend forty-five seconds examining our surroundings and forming a good mental picture of it," Koremitsu said rather plainly, to no one in particular.

"Why? Because it's so much more fun to do it in multiples of hours?" Clyde returned.

They could see Anonymous Tower looming ahead of them, like a beacon of random hatred and frightened people too unmanly to own up to their own whining. And that was when they heard it, the sound of someone calling for help. Like all times when there is a specific noise that you just suddenly start to hear, no one picked it up until someone pointed it out.

"Do you guys hear that?" Cygnus asked, narrowing his eyes and looking around for the source.

Clyde nodded just barely, "It sounds annoying. Let's leave it alone."

"Oh, come on!" Koremitsu smacked the blond upside the head, "It sounds like they need help! Boss?"

Tsutomu gave a big thumbs up, "It's our duty to help those in need! Let's go!"

Chisame watched as Koremitsu and Tsutomu ran dramatically towards the voice. "Do ya think we're all gonna die out here?"

"Nah," Azure sighed, following his two teammates, "One or two of us HAVE to make it out, I mean come on...What kind of crappy story would this be if it ended so quick?"

Well ahead of their teammates, Tsutomu and Koremitsu were the first to find the source of the voice. A young man was chained up to a large black rock. He had on no shirt and was covered in what looked like whip and scorch marks. His head was wrapped up in black tape, but his voice carried through crisp and clear. The chains were cutting into his abdomen and chest and blood dripped down his legs and pooled around his feet.

"Whoa," Koremitsu called towards the captive, "You alright, man?"

Tsutomu reached out to try and set the poor young man free but, as if she had set off the switch to a trap, he burst into flames and let out a long wail of pain. The two allies were thrown away by the blast. The ground began to shake as something deep below started to growl in anger at their unwelcome interference.

True to his badass Auron status, Ansem slowly walked up, one arm stuffed awesomely into his shirt for added coolness. "Have you ever heard the tale of Ryutaro, Tsutomu?"

The leader hauled herself to her feet, frantically putting out the fire on her shirt. She then said, "Of course I've heard the story of Ryutaro! We've known each other for well over a year! But for the purposes of plot and thinly-veiled humor poking fun at something that really isn't all that funny, no. No, I haven't ever heard of this Ryutaro fellow."

"This young man," Ansem started solemnly, "Was once a master of his craft. He studied the ancient and powerful beings known as Djinns until there was hardly anything left to learn about them. He was once a powerful author, capable of crafting powers and sexism far beyond that of any I'd ever seen before. To some it was beautiful, like Megan Fox in writing. To others it was like sitting through a Canadian film festival."

"And I'm to understand that one means very good, and the other means very bad?" Clyde pondered softly.

"Have you ever seen Megan Fox? Shoot," Koremitsu replied.

"I'd love to share my darkness with Megan Fox," Cygnus agreed, "And by darkness I mean pen-"

"But Ryutaro was set upon by one of the most vicious Anonymous," Ansem interrupted his creation, "The one known as Bloody Eyes. Bloody Eyes managed to flame Ryutaro very badly, and in the process made Ryutaro doubt himself and his skills that he had worked so hard to craft. Now, he is as you see him. Trapped in a never-ending circle of painful, angst-infused misery."

Cygnus glanced at the burning, cut up young man, "I think maybe the fire hurts a little bit, too."

"Aye," Ansem agreed, "The fire doesn't help."

"Well," Koremitsu furrowed his brow in thought, "Why don't we help him?"

The storyteller shook his head, "There's nothing we can do for him."

Chisame blinked stupidly, "Uh, we could take off those sharp chains. Then he could move away from the fire and rocks and pain, and all that. That would count as helping, right?"

Tsutomu sighed, "Alas, we cannot remove his chains. Those are the chains of his own self-doubt and wangst. He's holding himself down, now. Nothing we can do or say can remove them and set him free. He has to do that himse-"

"Whoa, guys!" Clyde exclaimed sarcastically after undoing the chains and releasing Ryutaro, "How did I do that?"

"Oh, for the love of God, were you even listening?" Tsutomu groaned, "There's no point in us telling a romantically sad story like that if you're just going to go and do whatever you want, anyway!"

Ryutaro grabbed Clyde by the hand, causing Midnight to shiver wherever he was. "Thank you, you laughably underpowered OC! Your short attention span and poor attention to plot detail has finally set me free! If it were up to Tomu-chan, I'd still be chained up and burning!"

"That's a terrible nickname," Koremitsu shouted, "It'll never stick!"

"Oh, please," Ryutaro scoffed, "A minor character like you has no place telling me anything about anything. Why don't you go and stand in the shadow of a more important character, or something?"

"Hey, you can't talk to him like that!" Clyde exclaimed, "Koremitsu is almost as important to his story as references are to Tsutomu's stories!"

"Impossible!" Tsutomu declared.

"Yeah, and you have so much room to talk. Your creator spends as much time with you as my father does with me! Which doesn't mean much..."

"Oh, geez, there it is, now I feel bad for him," Azure sighed.

"Don't feel bad for me, you! At least I don't spend all of my time looking for doujins or...doing whatever other unimportant things it is you do!"

Azure looked to Tsutomu, "Wow, this guy is an ass hole!"

"Don't worry," Ansem stated, "I know how to silence him and get the story rolling once and for all."

"A shotgun?" Koremitsu gasped in delight.

Ansem took a very cautious step towards the young man, then conjured up headphones for everyone to put on. "Ryutaro..." He started quietly, a bead of sweat rolling down his temple and to the tip of his nose, "You shouldn't bash Asuna so much."

Everyone immediately put on their headphones to drown out the backlash of outrage. They watched as the chains wrapped themselves back around the angry young man, like writhing iron snakes, pulling him back to the fiery rock where he continued to burn and complain at the same time, lost in the flames he perpetuated. The group quickly abandoned the lost one, only removing the headphones once they were almost to the Anonymous Tower.

"And so is the fate of Ryutaro the Sufferer. Until he decides to change it," Ansem declared.

"Sure, but he's such a jerk that I don't want to be around to see it," Clyde stated.

"Agreed!" Everyone else finished.

"Guys, we really should hurry this up," Cygnus started, "I mean, seriously. Not counting that crappy omake-like chapter that established some vague villains, we haven't done anything in over a year! I mean, have you seen some of the new Darkside content since we've been idle? He made Yugioh references in a chapter that revolved around a sexual weapons testing! There's even one where I act totally out of character and kill several of you! In another one, Negi and Kotaro get raped by-" Cygnus flew back and red red _red_ filled the air. He hit the ground and lay motionless.

"Sniiipeeer!" Azure yelled.

Tsutomu pulled up a wall of earth for them to duck behind, which they all rapidly did.

"Oh my god, they killed Cygnus!" Clyde gasped.

"You bastards!" Koremitsu shouted.

"Don't worry, I'll revive him!" Ansem managed to say, though he was visibly shaken.

"You can't!" Tsutomu said, "He's gone! Think of the flames you'd get for resurrecting your own character just because you wanted to!"

"I can't just do nothing, man!" Ansem pled, "He's my OC! My own paper and ink! I've got to do something! Serac revived his own character and no one did anything to him!"

Chisame slapped him across the face, "Get a hold of yourself, man! Cygnus is gone! You'll have to write about him, another time. He's not a main character in this story, anymore."

"Don't you say that!" Azure demanded, "Don't you ever say that!"

"Alright, we're almost there!" Tsutomu began to rally the troops, "I'll create a distraction, and we'll make a dash for the tower! Everyone be ready for a fight, and fight boldly and with passion!" Her eyes began to shimmer as tears of womanly heroism glistened in her eyes, "For Cygnus!" Using her Yuna cosplaying powers, Tsutomu summoned Shiva as her distraction.

"FOR CYGNUS!" The party roared, charging from out of their cover. No shots were fired as they barreled towards their destination, past the inappropriately attractive Shiva, whom all the guys couldn't help but look at as they ran. It seemed that whomever the sniper was, they were a male as well. They safely reached the tower, but there was still work to be done! Ansem kicked down the door (Which is saying something because it was a good thirty feet high). The door plummeted down and crushed tens of hateful Anonymous reviewers.

The grieving author let out a shout, "MY POKEMON. LET ME SHOW YOU THEM!"

He lifted an arm, hand open and facing the ceiling. Darkness flooded the room, sucking the screaming Anonymous down to a horrific doom the likes Steven King only dreams about. And Steven King dreams about nightmares. Once the room was cleared of all of their Anonymous foes, the party rushed up a winding staircase to find themselves confronted with...

"The Hall of Temptation?" Chisame read the conveniently placed wooden sign, "No cookies allowed? God, now I'm gonna have to clear out my stupid cache."

"Ah, there are a lot of temptations to being Anonymous. You can do and say whatever you want without fear of any repercussions," Azure explained, "I can feel the plot-obligatory magical energies here. The rooms are specially catered to make you an Anonymous. We have to be strong. Bloody Eyes is waiting."

They began the walk down the hall, and the very first door that they came to proved to be a difficult one. "KonoSetsu!?" Ansem gasped, hurrying over to the door to read the fine print beneath it, "With moar character development and believable lulz to season the smut!?"

"Oh, god, he's talking in internet!" Tsutomu said.

"You'll have to go on without me, you gais," The author said, "I can't resist the plot-driven yuri horde call..."

"Yeah, count me out, too," Koremitsu followed after Ansem.

"What, you're ditching us, too!?" Azure asked, mouth agape.

"Dude, there are hot chicks in there making out."

"Good luck, Tsutomu," Azure patted his friend on the back, going after Ansem and Koremitsu.

Tsutomu hung her head low and mumbled, "Curse him, he's good. But Bloody Eyes hasn't won, yet!" The march resumed, "To save the internet from bad stories and needless comedic smut, I will never, ever, EVER give up!"

The next door read 'Connor x Howell in a believable and dark setting'.

"Good luck, you two! Hit him once, for me!" Tsutomu said before closing the door behind her.

Clyde looked at Chisame, and she back at him. Sadly and wordlessly they continued onwards. The next door read 'Number one internet idol in the world' and Clyde found himself all alone.

"Oh, that's just flipping great. Since I'm the last one left, of course I have to be the one to soldier on while everyone else gets to have some of their dumb fantasies fulfilled," The blond grumbled. The next door read 'Clear romantic interest', and Clyde nearly killed himself. All the same, he kept walking. The next door read 'Solved world hunger'. He shrugged, "I'm a fictional character, so I don't really care." And then he found himself at the end of the perilous journey to the top of Anonymous Tower. "Wow, that was a shortass Hall of Temptation," He admitted, "The one in Vegas is bigger..."

The observer climbed the set of stairs to find himself back out in the open. Torches were lit all around, and the orange sky above him forced him to squint while his eyes readjusted to the light. A voice cut through the air.

"So, Clyde Metro. At long last we meet again."

"Who the hell are you?" Clyde asked in response.

"I...am Bloody Eyes."

The young man turned towards the voice to see a masked man shedding scarlet tears. "Never met you before."

"I know," Bloody Eyes shrugged, "But I couldn't think of anything cliched and bad-guy enough to say. Anyway, now that you've arrived it's time we fight to see who gets the piece of the artifact that Darkside entrusted to me!"

"You do realize that up until this point we had no actual proof that you had a piece of the artifact and that you could have just kept it hidden, right? I mean, seriously, you've been over here in the tower next to the Train Station for as long as I can remember, and you've been a good neighbor. I mean, Dave still talks about the barbeque."

"Yeah, that was a good barbeque, I had my brother make me up some of those ribs he does so well. Dang, those things are good. That's besides the point!" Bloody Eyes said, "It's time to battle!"

Clyde held up a hand, "Well, hang on a minute, that's not cool. Can't I get my friends first? I mean, I think that they should be here for this."

"Don't even talk to me about 'cool', man. I'm trying to fight you fair and square, one on one, and you want to just rally up a bunch of people to beat the ever-loving crap out of me. How is _that_ cool? Don't you see? This is the really frustrating one on one fight where if I beat you, the game ends. Even if you have other characters you could switch in to keep fighting, it doesn't matter. I just have to beat the one."

"You're evil!"

_Forty-five seconds later..._

Clyde landed on his face and flipped onto his stomach while Bloody Eyes laughed evilly. "Do you see? Do you see my strength? Now...Are you ready for my true power?"

From the ground, the blond asked, "You mean you've been taking it easy on me? I just landed on my face, for Christ's sake..."

"I'm afraid you did just enough damage to make me go into my second form...A form so terrifying and powerful that even-"

A blast sounded and Bloody Eyes' head exploded. His lifeless body fell over to reveal Ansem standing behind him, sawed-off shotgun in hand. "Look ma, no face."

"Ansem! What are you doing here? I thought you were doomed to yuri fandom forever..." Clyde coughed, getting to his feet.

"I love KonoSetsu, don't get me wrong. But it has to be done right. And what I saw was done perfectly."

"...Then why are you here?"

"I have no idea. Let's go find the others."

Clyde stuffed his hand into his defeated foe's robe and pulled out what he assumed was the first piece of the artifact. "Yeah, this is all way too linear and predictable. I hope the developers make some big changes if there's a sequel."

**Mission Analysis.....**

**- - -Objective 01 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 05 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 06 - Completed**

**Mission status - Ongoing**


	27. Mission 03, Death To Darkside, File 5

_-----Author's note: By now I hope everyone knows this is a rather silly story of epic proportions that has more to do with actual people and in-jokes than anything else. You know already if you want to read this or not! I'll say right away, however, that this is the least comedic chapter of the story! Hopefully it will still be enjoyed...-----_

**Establishing com link... ... ... ... ...**

**Com link established**

**Mission Briefing.....**

**- - -Objective 01 - Create a perverted Negima story in under 5,000 words.**

**- - -Objective 02 - Craft the story in the genres of comedy and horror, optional romance.**

**- - -Objective 03 - Utilize only the young tech specialist, Chisame Hasegawa. All other students are off limits.**

**- - -Objective 04 - Educate the masses in immorality.**

**- - -Objective 05 - Warn fellow operative Eternal-Longing not to read this story.**

**- - -Objective 06 - Take a page from fellow operative Ansem's book. Destroy the fourth wall.**

**Information acquired; Commence mission. - - -Contact Terminated- - -**

Chisame gripped the returned base of her artifact, the cracked bottom half of the would-be scepter. In sudden, though not the least bit surprising, flash of rage she roared, "Look at it! It's completely ruined! Even if we did get the other two pieces, what good would it do!?"

Ansem reassured our despairing heroine, "Don't worry. Once we get the other pieces they'll combine to form the completed artifact. It is a magical item, after all."

"Yeah," Azure nodded once. He held up a bottle of glue, "And if that doesn't work, I've got you covered."

"Why? Why did I have to carry on while you all got to indulge in various fantasies!?" Clyde sobbed, tucked in a corner and weeping bitter tears of manly sadness.

Koremitsu was sitting beside him, patting his shoulder. "There, there. It was only sweet girl on girl action. Nothing you can't get on the internet by accidentally clicking a random popup."

"Actually, mine was sweet man on man action," Tsutomu pointed out.

"Remind me to kill myself once this is over, by the way," Koremitsu requested earnestly.

The group was resting inside the Waiting Room of the Train Station, recuperating from their perils and adventures in the Flame Plains. It was while Tsutomu was drawing pictures inspired by her aforementioned man on man viewing that she felt something evil! "You guys!" She stood up, her chair clattering to the ground, "I think we're about to have a scene change!"

"What? Now?" Chisame groaned, "We've barely even had time to do anything remotely meaningful!"

"I don't think we're the main characters of this chapt-"

-

"Hmph, serves you lot right," Seraph declared to himself, "Boring things like rest have no place in this story." He thanked the Almighty Hyphen, then continued on his way.

His search had not been an easy one, but he felt it was finally coming to an end. He had, naturally, begun his search in the Mary Sue Metropolis. Sadly he had not found his prize, but a lead. The lead took him to the Out of Character Forest where he met the OC, Serac. After a very monotonous and repetitious conversation about Fate and puppets, Serac sent him to Moe Village, as part of his 'destiny'. In Moe Village, Seraph met many of the world's cutest and most adorable of girls. They promptly made him their leader, giving him the prestigious title of Princess Moe.

"I thought that we had agreed that would stay between you, myself, and the girls of the village?" Seraph halted his advance, directing his question towards myself, the narrator.

Maybe you agreed, but it's my job to accurately and fully explain things. If you didn't want to be crowned Princess Moe, you should have acted manlier and drove a monster truck over the baby unicorns, or something. But no, you had to feed and pet them.

"They were so cute, I couldn't really help it. And besides, I would never kill something so pure and beautiful."

I rest my case, princess. May I continue, now?

"I suppose you might as well, though I'd say that our relationship is certainly strained, now."

After becoming their leader, Seraph befriended Nodoka, who told him a very interesting secret.

"Have you ever heard of the Blood Bayou?" She asked him, when he spoke to her of his search.

"The Blood Bayou? It's beyond the Mary Sue Metropolis, correct? I'm happy to say that it's a place I've never been, but I know of it." Seraph answered.

Nodoka continued in a hushed voice, "The Blood Bayou is the place where all of the blood from the Original Character's history goes. Since so many of the Mary Sues had pasts in which their entire families or tribes or villages were killed and they were the sole survivor, they needed a place to divert all of the blood. So, they built pipes to lead the blood all away and into an empty field. Over time, this place became known as the Blood Bayou."

Seraph tilted his head a little, "Such a strange tale. But how is it that all of the blood wound up in the metropolis? Surely not all of their pasts begin there."

"That seems a silly question for you to ask, Princess! All of the Mary Sues are born in the metropolis, and so all of their baggage and such are born there, as well!"

"Hm, I think I understand. But what does this have to do with my earlier question?"

Nodoka hummed once to herself in thought then said, "I think you'll find what you're looking for, over there. Sometimes, when we're deep in the Blood Bayou, we see someone there that we don't know. He watches us, but never says anything or comes any closer. I feel like that could be the person you're searching for!"

Seraph pondered this for a few seconds, unsure. He then asked, "Why is it that you and your kind even go to such a chilling place? Surely it is not a place for such beautiful girls as you."

"Oh, Princess, y-you're making me blush! But didn't you know? You know of Elizabeth Bathory, yes?"

"...The Blood Countess?" Seraph's eyes widened as realization dawned on him just what that question implied.

"How else do you think we Moe girls stay so cute?"

Shortly after, Seraph put Moe Village behind him, vowing never to return to that suddenly terrifying place. He had a new destination, though, and a newfound hope that his search was nearing completion. So with a stout heart and a clear mind, the young man traversed the land, through the Metropolis, and to the Blood Bayou. Sure enough, it was as grim a picture in real life as it had been in his head.

The tall, still grass was stained a permanent scarlet. Harsh, pungent odors filled his nostrils and would have made him gag if he wasn't so collected as he was. Blood, still as stone, filled the area as far as he could see. Even where he was, now, was blood-soaked and foul. He could see that to progress much further he would find himself wading in the red death, up to his waist and who knows how much deeper. He only hoped that there was death in the red, and nothing more.

"If this is what must be done to find him I seek, then it is but a small price to pay," Seraph said plainly, continuing forward.

The blood sloshed under his boots, ripples extending well out before him. As the seconds turned to minutes, he soon found that he was correct in assuming he would get waist deep in the crimson. He was fortunate enough, every now and then, to rise up above the blood and gather himself before gliding back in. For hours the young man searched through the dark dead waters and steamy red fumes, but he found nothing. Eventually he wandered so far and for so long, he became hopelessly lost.

"Why can't I find you?" He asked himself, despair growing in his chest. Quickly he forced that feeling back into the recesses of his soul, "No, I cannot waiver. I still have much to do, and there is no time to feel sorry for myself. I will take a moment to think, however." So accustomed to the smell, and already covered in the stuff, Seraph simply lay back and floated. Idly, the young man thought about what Nodoka had told him. She had said they often found this man deep in the Blood Bayou, but how much deeper did he need to go? He also thought of the Blood Countess. Surely they knew that it was more legend than fact that she bathed herself in the blood of virgins to grant her youth and beauty...His thoughts were cut short when he felt something moving in the red red _red_ beneath him.

"You do realize that you've used that reference once before, right?" Seraph asked, returning to his feet.

I do, but it seems so much more fitting in this chapter. Now quit breaking the fourth wall and look out!

Seraph swooped to the side as a silver snake not an inch under forty feet erupted from the bayou, sending a rain of blood across the sky. It shot back down into the murky depths, leaving only gentle waves and a black shadow in its wake. Seraph quickly took the best foothold he could find, straining all of his senses to locate the beast before its next strike.

'_The right,'_ He threw his arms up and a blast of energy hurled the lunging snake up into the air. He clenched his fists tight, then jerked them out to his side. The snake ripped in two above him, a shower of blood coming down all over. As it fell the blood coated six large, invisible wings coming from the young man's back. The corpse fell on either side of him, becoming lost in the marshy terrain.

"I believe I understand, now," Seraph stated coolly, beating his wings to shed the blood. He dove headfirst into the warm pool, reemerging rather quicker than he thought he would. Once he cleared his eyes, he found himself surrounded by green grass, crystalline water, and fresh air.

"So you found me, it seems," A voice came from behind him.

Seraph spun in the water to find the man he had been searching for. Hiding his excitement, he said, "So it seems. I trust you've been well, Ambrant?"

Ambrant stretched out a hand and pulled the young man out of the water and onto the patch of land he was on. "As well as one can reasonably hope to be. Though I think we should save the pleasantries for another day."

Seraph agreed, "That suits me just fine. I believe you know, however, why I have come."

Ambrant nodded, "I do."

"Will you help me, then?"

"Do I really need to? I believe that Darkside has the matter well in hand. He's already let them get a piece of the artifact back, after all."

"I share your displeasure in this," Seraph sighed, "But- "

"I am not displeased, my friend, that they were able to get a piece of the artifact," Ambrant said, "Only that it came so easily."

"Yes, I was rather disappointed by the lack of a fight scene, myself."

"If it is my help you seek, then it is my help you shall receive. I've no interest in Darkside's demise, and he only entertains me as he lives. You are aware that the Out of Character Forest is their next destination?"

With a wry smile, Seraph assured his new ally, "Measures have been taken. All you need do is prepare yourself in the event they do obtain the second piece."

"Preparing for defeat, even when you look so assured of victory..." Ambrant smiled softly, "You truly are a cunning one."

'_You only know the half of it,'_ Seraph thought, laughing to himself.

-

Chisame, feet up on the desk, clipped a big one. The nail went flying and landed somewhere on the floor. She shrugged, then went back to work clipping. She paused, then said, "Oh, crap, is it back to us?"

**Mission Analysis.....**

**- - -Objective 01 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 02 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 03 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 04 - Failed**

**- - -Objective 05 - Completed**

**- - -Objective 06 - Completed**

**Mission status - Ongoing**


End file.
